To those in recovery...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I've tried to quit multiple times since 2008. I've known my drinking was abnormal since my first drinks at 14. I drank more and faster and with different outcomes than anyone I knew. The first episode of drinking I had I felt awake and Alive. My brain was in love with the stuff from the get go and even as a teen I knew it would be trouble.
I tried to quit half heartedly in my early 20s but didn't really believe I needed to and so started to seek out men who drank. I've never been much into having women friends; my mom was difficult and demanding and I ended up not trusting women very much, so female friends were always sporadic but there were always men around. Men who drank.
I married one although he ended up having a minor problem compared to mine. I had long sober stretches, was always sober when pregnant and had off and on periods of mostly moderate drinking with some periods where I'd be on benders. My husband was always my backup and my safety net, for me but also the kids.
Enter my forties and my problem took off like wildfire, one drink was like a lit match in a dry forest and I lost more and more control, during each binge I couldn't keep away from the liquor, the blackouts were frequent, frightening and demoralizing, my husband counted on having to carry me out of events, my withdrawals each week made me feel I was just a thread from needing to go to the ER for a heart attack, drenched in sweat all the time, shaking, chaotic thoughts and behavior. When in had that last episode in September, i humiliated myself with many people in a text situation and the next day, I was finished. I was sweating, trembling, forcing myself through a workday, foggy and confused about what had happened over the weekend. I was avoiding my messages. I was in more pain than I've ever been. But I was so relieved. I remember this warm, light, welcoming feeling of relief right in the middle of withdrawals from hell. I was finished. Finally. I'd waited so long for it to get bad enough and it finally did.
I tried to quit half heartedly in my early 20s but didn't really believe I needed to and so started to seek out men who drank. I've never been much into having women friends; my mom was difficult and demanding and I ended up not trusting women very much, so female friends were always sporadic but there were always men around. Men who drank.
I married one although he ended up having a minor problem compared to mine. I had long sober stretches, was always sober when pregnant and had off and on periods of mostly moderate drinking with some periods where I'd be on benders. My husband was always my backup and my safety net, for me but also the kids.
Enter my forties and my problem took off like wildfire, one drink was like a lit match in a dry forest and I lost more and more control, during each binge I couldn't keep away from the liquor, the blackouts were frequent, frightening and demoralizing, my husband counted on having to carry me out of events, my withdrawals each week made me feel I was just a thread from needing to go to the ER for a heart attack, drenched in sweat all the time, shaking, chaotic thoughts and behavior. When in had that last episode in September, i humiliated myself with many people in a text situation and the next day, I was finished. I was sweating, trembling, forcing myself through a workday, foggy and confused about what had happened over the weekend. I was avoiding my messages. I was in more pain than I've ever been. But I was so relieved. I remember this warm, light, welcoming feeling of relief right in the middle of withdrawals from hell. I was finished. Finally. I'd waited so long for it to get bad enough and it finally did.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Just wondering what finally made you realize you needed to get help and stop drinking?
I had lost my job, I was drinking 24/7 and vomiting blood.
How old were you?
31
Did you resist help up until that point?
YES. I thought I could manage to control my drinking.
Did you have to go to rehab or do it on your own?
Detox and then rehab for two months and then sober living for another 7 months.
I had lost my job, I was drinking 24/7 and vomiting blood.
How old were you?
31
Did you resist help up until that point?
YES. I thought I could manage to control my drinking.
Did you have to go to rehab or do it on your own?
Detox and then rehab for two months and then sober living for another 7 months.
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