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Never drinking again

Old 02-19-2018, 04:57 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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At a little over a year into this process, it has become blindingly clear to me that I drank partly/mostly (if subconsciously) to destroy my chances at achieving my potential and having a life that I could stand up and be proud of. Every drink I took contributed to my downfall. Now that I don't have to fight that, I feel lighter, stronger, more confident in my abilities every day. I know I am going to get something meaningful done and it is going to feel great. THAT is what my life is going to be about. When I compare that to my recollection of what having 6 martinis with the boys (probably more alone) felt like, I am mystified by my past choices.
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Old 02-19-2018, 05:38 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Ibble View Post

Having said that, there is a niggle somewhere that at some point in the future I might be able to go out and enjoy a few sociable pints. It's ******** and past experience has shown me with a very pointy stick that it's ********. But the niggle persists...
Congrats on 5 months.

I'm an AAer, so I'd call the above quote a Step 1 issue. The "niggle" is the obsession of the mind. I have never seriously entertained the idea of drinking since the obsession was removed. Occasionally, I will have a fleeting thought about drinking, but it passes through my brain and is forgotten in a matter of seconds.
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Old 02-19-2018, 11:12 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Ken33xx View Post
Because I don't want a drink or two. I want to get loaded and that's the way it has always been with me.
This is fundamentally why I've given up on any notion of being a "social" drinker or being able to moderate. I used to be content with a few beers then home but now, it's a warm up for a two week bender and I know how that ends.
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Old 02-20-2018, 02:46 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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You might say my strategy in this war is to never drink again, never ever, and the tactic I'm employing toward that end is to not drink today.

I mean when you think about it, one day at a time gets you to forever by iteration. Forever here being the approximation we humans use, our own lifetimes. And each lifetime is nothing but a collection of days, by definition.
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Old 02-22-2018, 06:36 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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After being in AA and relapsing because I didn't treat my disease on a daily basis I really don't think considering "NEVER" drinking really matters. I only have today. And if I don't drink today I am doing what I need to do to care for myself. So, I don't worry about Never. I don't count my days any more- I don't celebrate months or years. I can blow a week, a month, a year, five years, 10 years in two seconds with one drink. Every day matters so I focus on that.
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Old 02-23-2018, 09:17 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I think the one day at a time means that we just keep doing the next right thing.

Not worrying about the past (how did I do that when I was drunk??), or the future (how can I not drink at my daughter's wedding), just the next right thing and trust that it will be ok.

Accept that we are not the always driver in the sense that there are so many things we just can't control, like drinking if we start, but we can control doing the next right thing.

And for someone who is compelled to drink like we are, the next right thing necessitates not drinking. It is a necessary prerequisite for doing right things, living a good life, having peace of mind, being happy.

We need to do other things too to get there, but not drinking is the entry point.

And that requires accepting at an emotional level that you are and ALWAYS will be compelled to drink if you drink. Abstention is not control. But you can and do control taking the first sip, we all do.

So don't worry about the future, don't obsess over the past, just do the next right thing.

You will know what that is, and it is never a drink - not for us.

XX
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Old 02-23-2018, 10:31 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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I ended up waking up in rehab on valium to quell the shakes, sweats and potential DTs and seizures barely remembering how I got there.

At that point I didn't have a drinking problem. It was just a one-time thing triggered by a withdrawal from sleeping pills. I needed a month off, that was all.

I started working with a counselor and another friend that I made there. At first it was 90 days that I needed off, then six months, then a year. If I could make it that long I wasn't an alcoholic/addict.

As I looked back at my life I stopped focusing on my sober periods and started looking at my using ones. Who was I kidding? I was an addict of many substances and had been since I was 12 years old. If I drank and/or used, I was unable to control it and my life would spiral out of control.

So Step One just sort of happened. I worked through Step 3 in inpatient rehab. When I got out I was an exposed raw nerve ending. But an exposed raw nerve ending floating on a pink cloud. I sank into depression when I got home, but rode it out and started going to meetings while waiting for a space in the dual diagnosis outpatient program.

The real life changing experience came in this program. It wasn't 12 Step based, but based on cognitive therapy, 2 hours a day 5 days a week for 8 weeks. Individual, group and lectures. We learned cognitive strategies to deal with cravings and coping with problems stemming from our dual diagnosis, which was bipolar disorder in my case. I really connected with people there, both other clients and therapists. During this time I embarked on a vigorous diet and exercise program, lost a lot of weight and built a lot of muscle, and stopped the smoking habit I'd picked up in rehab. I also was started on a cocktail of medications to deal with the bipolar disorder.

After I graduated, I immediately started individual therapy, and again I'm seeing amazing progress on issues I can finally get to without the drinking and drugging obscuring my vision. I'm also working a modified 4th step with my therapist, and have stopped attending AA/CA/All Fellowship meetings for now.

I never formally did AVRT. Tried one SMART recovery meeting, which would be useful but with another group, as the people in that group were all pretty mentally ill and it wasn't a good fit. But the path has lead to the point where I am simply no longer a drinker/drugger, and find a life free of substances more rewarding and contented than one with them.

In a weird way I'm almost grateful for drugs and alcohol. Not because of anything that I got out of using them, but from what I have got out of the path to sobriety that I probably wouldn't have gotten any other way.
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Old 02-23-2018, 11:09 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Pagekeeper View Post
I'm an AAer, so I'd call the above quote a Step 1 issue. The "niggle" is the obsession of the mind. I have never seriously entertained the idea of drinking since the obsession was removed. Occasionally, I will have a fleeting thought about drinking, but it passes through my brain and is forgotten in a matter of seconds.
THIS!!!!!

Iím not an AAer, Iím an AVRTer...but the rare fleeting thought about drinking (once physical alcohol dependance was dealt with) is forgotten in a matter of seconds!
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