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Hi. Screwed up badly

Old 02-13-2018, 10:26 AM
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Hi. Screwed up badly

Hi. First time posting...25 year old guy who has been a binge drinker for about 6 years now. Had 3.5 months sober and relapsed on Xmas....didn't realise how much harder it is to quit this time. Using beer to taper off....I feel so alienated from everyone. I don't feel even feel same right now.
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Old 02-13-2018, 10:47 AM
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hey, welcome froscow

I don't think any of us came to sobriety fully sane. Me, not even a little bit.

I'm on my second time around being sober, too. I like it much better than when I was still drinking.

Keep posting and reading, we'll be here with you while you get back on your feet.
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Old 02-13-2018, 11:00 AM
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Thanks biminiblue. My family doesn't understand..nor my friends. I don't even understand. It's time for me to talk to people who do. I feel terror rising in my gut
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Old 02-13-2018, 11:03 AM
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Please don't blame yourself! Blame this crazy disease. It is just like flu. Just Moore insidious... and with a strand that keeps on attacking ...
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Old 02-13-2018, 11:06 AM
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Originally Posted by froscow View Post
Thanks biminiblue. My family doesn't understand..nor my friends. I don't even understand. It's time for me to talk to people who do. I feel terror rising in my gut
People who aren't alcoholics don't understand, you're right.

So, what's the plan? Have you gotten rid of your stash? Are you going to use medical detox? I know you said you are tapering. I did that, but I only gave it three days. I went from 12 units to 2 on Day one. From 2 units to 1 on Day two and I only took a tiny nip, maybe 1/2 ounce of rum on Day three, and then I just jumped off.

Don't drag it out. If you can't get off in a couple days, I'd go to the doctor. The terror and fear is part of the withdrawal.

Hold on - you can do it: take a walk, hot shower, eat, drink some juice and have something salty. A nap and food always helped me.
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Old 02-13-2018, 11:39 AM
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My stash is out. Made a doctor's appointment for today. Thanks so much for the advice
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Old 02-13-2018, 11:46 AM
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Good deal, froscow. Let us know how you're doing.
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Old 02-13-2018, 04:32 PM
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froscow,

I think you will find enormous relief in talking to people who understand - at least I did. I was shaking something fierce from withdrawal and anxiety when I had my intake and left feeling better than I had when I arrived. Just the act of doing something to get help for yourself can be incredibly empowering.

Glad you made an appointment!

O
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Old 02-13-2018, 04:55 PM
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It's time for me to talk to people who do.

If you are looking for people to talk to who understand your drinking, you are in luck.

In almost every town there is an AA meeting everyday. If you live in a larger metropolitan area or suburb there will be many meeting choices. Going to your first AA meeting can be scary, but most people are glad they went after they go.
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Old 02-13-2018, 05:04 PM
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I'm glad you've joined us Froscow - welcome
let us know hoe you get on at the docs

D
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Old 02-14-2018, 05:47 PM
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Doctor prescribed medication to help with night terrors..but only a tiny amount so my body doesn't get dependant on it. Still feel like a zombie...can't concentrate on anything for more than 5 mins. Urgh
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Old 02-14-2018, 05:52 PM
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I've done this for years now. Binge..detox..binge..detox..and worked hard to keep a functional life. Binges seem to get worse though and so do the detoxes. I go out and look at everyone and feel like I'm an alien from another planet. I think there's a screw loose in my brain that can't seem to learn from mistakes at all...or just seems to like self sabotaging.
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Old 02-14-2018, 05:57 PM
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Originally Posted by froscow View Post
My stash is out. Made a doctor's appointment for today. Thanks so much for the advice
That's great. Wishing you all the best
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Old 02-14-2018, 06:08 PM
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Hi froscow - I'm glad you found us. There's plenty of encouragement to be had here.

I'd been drinking all my life when I came here. I was relieved when I found people to talk to who truly understood what I was going through. My family & friends were all social drinkers - no one got the terrible struggle I was having. I think it helps with our anxiety to know we aren't alone.

Be thankful that at 25 you've learned what needs to be done. You can do this! We're with you.
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Old 02-14-2018, 06:10 PM
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We are all that way. We are so similar and I thank HP for that. We can relate, share and learn from one another's experience. I know it took me 20 years to get back. I tried at 10 but just couldn't bring myself to it, sort like being caught in a whirlwind that I couldn't escape. I didn't seek treatment though and can honestly say that I still felt erroneously powerful, but was powerfully ignorant. I never could find a reason that would make me surrender until this last time and it's so simple. I know that I am powerless over alcohol now because I understand that without a shadow of a doubt that if I drink, I'm gonna black out and who knows if I or others will survive it. I have four dead sibling's and a dead niece to this disease and my other nephew is a gangster heroin junkie. All those things combined drove the point home for me. The last black out I had I awoke looking for my children and they were lying by my side. I surrendered then and there out of dear love, disgust and shear torment that I would hurt those babies. I'm so glad I can finally accept what makes me powerless over alcohol.
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Old 02-15-2018, 09:58 AM
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I can definitely relate to that. I am 26 and a binge drinker too. Most of my friends drink in the same way give or take, so it was really easy to justify at that age that its what everyone is doing. But, it made me feel suicidal and for me that was not okay. I too didnt know why the hell I kept repeating the same behaviors over and over, when I knew better. I quit for 6 months last year, then had a year long relapse, and here I am again at almost 2 months sober. I told all my friends and to be honest, its a weight off my shoulders. Wish you the best!
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Old 02-15-2018, 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by froscow View Post
I've done this for years now. Binge..detox..binge..detox..and worked hard to keep a functional life. Binges seem to get worse though and so do the detoxes. I go out and look at everyone and feel like I'm an alien from another planet. I think there's a screw loose in my brain that can't seem to learn from mistakes at all...or just seems to like self sabotaging.
All that goes away with continuous sober time, froscow. I didn't feel part of the human race at the end of my drinking, either.

The binge/detox cycle does get worse, and more dangerous.

Have you read anything about kindling? Here's a good NIH Kindling Article
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Old 02-15-2018, 10:25 AM
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Binge drinker here. I'm 47 years old and in recovery. Withdrawals are horrible and only seem to get worse as you get older. I am glad you're here and hope you are doing well.
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Old 02-15-2018, 01:54 PM
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Originally Posted by froscow View Post
Thanks biminiblue. My family doesn't understand..nor my friends. I don't even understand. It's time for me to talk to people who do. I feel terror rising in my gut
No one will really understand unless they are an alcoholic. It's not their fault.

The terror you feel will go away in time. I felt similarly when I first quit.

As far as you understanding. There's no need to define everything or understand it to change your life.

I used to do the same thing. Why do I feel this way? What is wrong with me? Why can't I drink like a "normal" person?
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Old 02-15-2018, 03:38 PM
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Thanks for the advice everyone. I know time is the best healer right now...the danger is when I feel normal again. I was 3.5 months sober, loving it, and then went out to the store one day without even a second thought. Even after all the **** that's happened from doing it. Sorry for sounding repetitive. I can't share with my coworkers and my family thinks I'm just nuts.
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