Xxengelxx

Ok, I am pretty new to this and hope to find some help. I know I have a problem with alcohol. I am ok and totally fine not drinking, but I do over drink basically everytime I drink. I read this forum before and it gave me so much help. That’s why now I decided to join so you know my story and be there for me. What do you need to know about me?

Xxengelxx

I was in a really bad place two years ago. I just moved to the us and lost my daughter a month later to sids. I didn’t drink for the whole time since (I afterwards had a son), but I feel like I need your help. Currently I am laying on the bed, typing this, feeling like I’m dying, my son isn’t here as a result of my drinking and my husband doesn’t trust me.

Knightqwe

I hope best for you. Why your husband doesnt trust you?

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR xxengelxx. Sorry you are having a hard time of it, drinking can really cause many different problems in our lives. Are you still actively drinking or have you made an attempt to quit long term?

2ndhandrose

Welcome, Xxengelxx

I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. My heart goes out to you ♥

You only need to share what you feel comfortable with sharing. This is a very safe and non judgemental place.

It sounds like you want help to stop drinking. Are you drinking now or have you already stopped?

Berrybean

Oh Xxen. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Sids is so scary. Here in the UK there are support trust charities set up for people in your situation. Did you get any counselling or support to get you through the shock and grief? Hugs to you.

Regarding drinking, alcohol tells us it us our friend and soothes our pain, but it tends to gradually make our problems worse -breaking down trust and relationships, and making everything seem hopeless. It can make us hate ourselves as well, and believe we don't even deserve peace and happiness.

Have you considered going along to some AA women's meetings?

BB

Dee74

Hi and welcome Xxengelxx.
I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

You don;t have to share any more than you have - it's entirely up to you.

SR really helped me stop that cycle of drinking til I felt ill, stoppimg for a whole then starting again when I felt good...

There's something about the support here 24/7 that gave me the strength to break that cycle - I know we can help you too

D

Opivotal

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Xxengelxx.

You can share whatever you like.

We're here to lend support. Welcome to SR.

Gottalife

Hi and welcome to SR. I can relate in part to what you wrote above. Nearly everytime I drank I lost control. I intended to have just enough to chill, and always overshot the mark. In AA this is called the phenomenon of craving. Taking the first drink stes of an overpowering craving for more and more.

But I was not totally fine not drinking. The dry spells were a miserable experience and that always led me back to seeking that nice feeling that came with a few drinks, and then I lost control again. My problem was that living sober was miserable, and my solution to that had been alcohol. The trick for me was to find a way to live a satisfying life without alcohol.

From what you have posted, it sounds like stopping drinking should be a matter of making a simple decision to never drink again, and sticking with that. That isn't something I could have done, but you may be different.

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, Xxengelxx; very glad you found us.

I am so very, very sorry for your loss.

Stay close. Lean on us.

We are here for you and solidly in your corner.

Xxengelxx

Because I did drink while being the only one home with my son. I didn’t drink much then and usually wait till he’s asleep. But that just made my husband not trust me

Xxengelxx

I have stopped drinking and notice that the next couple weeks will suck. Not because I want alcohol but by the consequenses I have to deal with because I did drink. I am on day 1 if not drinking. We have gotten rid of all the alcohol in the house.

Pagekeeper

I can relate to life sucking after stopping drinking. I was a complete mess for a while. I really needed help on how to live after the liquor was gone. I chose AA's 12 step program. As a result, my life changed profoundly. Instead of fighting the drink, the compulsion simply went away on its own. I also gained a world of self-awareness, the ability to forgive others and myself, passion in helping others, and a profound sense of contentment in living in the moment.

You CAN have a completely different outlook on life. It happened for me.

NYCDoglvr

AA's First Step says "we admitted we are powerless over alcohol..........". What this means is when I pick up a drink I have no control over the quantity and/or what happens.

I suggest reading the forum, especially the stickies. I couldn't get sober on my own and went to AA but others have different experiences. Glad you found us.

feldknocker

Xxen,

Thank you for sharing your story. For me, the support of AA has been essential to fight the feelings of depression that sometimes come. The program is good. But I really love the feeling of being with a group of people who struggle with the same problem. I've found that it doesn't always matter what people say at a meeting - meaning there isn't always something profound that comes out. But sitting in a room of people that are honestly acknowledging their weakness by virtue of sitting there is cathardic.

I do not believe AA is the only way. But it is the way I have chosen to go. I'm here not because every time I drank I had problems. I'm hear because every time I was having a major problem, alcohol was the main contributor. Life was passing me by.

Mizzuno

I hope you know you have come to a solid place for support.
I am very sorry for your loss. Have you been to any support groups or therapy to address the loss of your child?

I am happy that you have found SR. Please keep posting and congrats on your first day of sobriety.

Xxengelxx

Thanks! I’m now sober since then. I know I won’t drink (like I said I never had an issue to stop, it was always the “hubby and me decided to drink and then I overdid it” kinda thing). I hope though that the future will look better for me regarding having my son not be in daycare all the long. The lonleyness is killing me, the fact that I miss my son all day is so depressing. I literally cry all day. Going from 24/7 of taking care of him to almost none is hard. I feel like I am loosing another child (and I know it’s not the same as with my daughter, but still)

Dee74

I hope that with a little sober time you'll gain peoples trust again and get to spend more time with your son sometime in the not too distant future Xxengelxx

D

Xxengelxx

Thanks! I hope it is just a little too