Toxic Conversation
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Toxic Conversation
I rarely talk to my ex from a few years ago (peak drinking time) because our relationship was extremely toxic but every once in a blue moon we end up talking on the phone.. I told him I'm not drinking and called him out on being drunk during the conversation.. to which he got all snide about my sobriety and literally said "yeah well look at how much fun I'm having.. ha ha." I said by the end of it I wasn't having fun at all.. he said "ok then you were drinking for no reason and that makes you completely insane".. He also said he'd figured out how to "curb the consequences" and everything is great now, all he has to do is drink alone so nothing will upset or provoke him (he gets violent when he's drunk even in random and social settings). I said I don't think that's a step in the right direction.. and being alone is probably exactly the way it's gonna stay if you continue..
I guess there were a lot of things from that relationship I still have to process and some of it is re-surfacing now. But in a way this conversation was confirmation of how far I've come. Crazy how twisted the logic is and I can't even judge him because I was right there too while I was in it. I don't really pay much attention to the whole AV thing but if there ever was one.. these are the kinds of things it would say.
Sorry for the long random post but instead of the super bowl these are the things I'm stuck thinking about right now lol.
I guess there were a lot of things from that relationship I still have to process and some of it is re-surfacing now. But in a way this conversation was confirmation of how far I've come. Crazy how twisted the logic is and I can't even judge him because I was right there too while I was in it. I don't really pay much attention to the whole AV thing but if there ever was one.. these are the kinds of things it would say.
Sorry for the long random post but instead of the super bowl these are the things I'm stuck thinking about right now lol.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I don't think there's anything worth thinking too hard about regarding your ex, apart from figuring out how to block his number from your phone. Sounds like he is an ex for a jolly good reason.
Why spend time in debate with someone else's AV? Although, he's right in one regard, drinking when we know there are more reasons NOT to that TO do it IS insane. The insanity of alcoholism. And all the more credit to you for breaking out of that cycle. But we can't expect either a dormir, or an active alcoholic (especially one who's been drinking) to understand or respect that.
If I'm going to talk about my recovery it is with others in recovery, or at a push, my counsellor.
I hope you won't give him too much head space. That is just a resentment waiting to happen, and those things are just too exhausting.
Why not make a gratitude list instead.
BB
Why spend time in debate with someone else's AV? Although, he's right in one regard, drinking when we know there are more reasons NOT to that TO do it IS insane. The insanity of alcoholism. And all the more credit to you for breaking out of that cycle. But we can't expect either a dormir, or an active alcoholic (especially one who's been drinking) to understand or respect that.
If I'm going to talk about my recovery it is with others in recovery, or at a push, my counsellor.
I hope you won't give him too much head space. That is just a resentment waiting to happen, and those things are just too exhausting.
Why not make a gratitude list instead.
BB
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: York County, PA
Posts: 302
Yeah, it's probably not a good idea to have conversations with ex's early in sobriety.
Lots of times people new in AA make the mistake of going to tell people they used to have close relationships with - and caused chaos and hurt in - that they're sober now.
Of course, the conversation never goes the way they envisioned.
Lots of times people new in AA make the mistake of going to tell people they used to have close relationships with - and caused chaos and hurt in - that they're sober now.
Of course, the conversation never goes the way they envisioned.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: York County, PA
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr 
Advice: don't talk to drunks and/or ex's
And only then, with the advice of a sponsor.
And if you're doing it for the right reasons - which do not include relieving you of guilt or to make you feel better.
Otherwise, leave your ex's alone.
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Originally Posted by Berrybean
I don't think there's anything worth thinking too hard about regarding your ex, apart from figuring out how to block his number from your phone. Sounds like he is an ex for a jolly good reason.
Why spend time in debate with someone else's AV? Although, he's right in one regard, drinking when we know there are more reasons NOT to that TO do it IS insane. The insanity of alcoholism. And all the more credit to you for breaking out of that cycle. But we can't expect either a dormir, or an active alcoholic (especially one who's been drinking) to understand or respect that.
Why spend time in debate with someone else's AV? Although, he's right in one regard, drinking when we know there are more reasons NOT to that TO do it IS insane. The insanity of alcoholism. And all the more credit to you for breaking out of that cycle. But we can't expect either a dormir, or an active alcoholic (especially one who's been drinking) to understand or respect that.
I thought I'd made a lot of progress in putting the past behind me but some days it just sneaks up on you..
Originally Posted by Ken0331
Unless you're working the steps - with a sponsor - and you're at the making amends step.
And only then, with the advice of a sponsor.
And if you're doing it for the right reasons - which do not include relieving you of guilt or to make you feel better.
Otherwise, leave your ex's alone.
And only then, with the advice of a sponsor.
And if you're doing it for the right reasons - which do not include relieving you of guilt or to make you feel better.
Otherwise, leave your ex's alone.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Cosima11
...I have apologized for my part in things (not sure how far that goes in "making amends".. some things are un-amendable). But even that falls on deaf ears since he blames me for far more than my part. Perhaps that's the most confusing part, it's hard to even feel genuine guilt or remorse or anything for that matter when he's still not taking any responsibility. It's all just a joke and waste of time at this point and that's ok I guess?
Don't contact him and don't take his calls unless you feel he's not been drinking.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
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I have an ex-wife.
We got divorced 13 years ago.
I wish her nothing but the best.
But I have no desire to have even a social relationship with her now.
I don't even know where she lives.
Like your ex, mine had serious alcoholism issues during and subsequent to our marriage.
But I'm the only drunk I have any control over.
I would put your ex permanently in the rear view mirror and look forward and not backward.
We got divorced 13 years ago.
I wish her nothing but the best.
But I have no desire to have even a social relationship with her now.
I don't even know where she lives.
Like your ex, mine had serious alcoholism issues during and subsequent to our marriage.
But I'm the only drunk I have any control over.
I would put your ex permanently in the rear view mirror and look forward and not backward.
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