How long?
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Cosima11 
Ugh how long did it take for the external circumstances in your life to reflect the inner changes after getting sober?
The tough part of that is this - often what I think of as "the problem" and then "the fix" for that problem doesn't result in a change in demonstration in my life. In the past I would have said, "oh....I just have to be patient." Now, with a lot more experience under my belt, I can more quickly conclude that maybe what I thought was the problem wasn't REALLY the problem, maybe what I thought fixed it didn't REALLY fix it, and/or perhaps there's something more going on that I'm not awake to.
As an example, pretend you got shot by a bullet. Blood would leak from the wound. I could see the bullet hole, put a bandage on it, stop the leaking of blood and think that I identified the problem and fixed it. ........yet I'd still die from being shot. The REAL problem is all the internal stuff that was damaged - have those things been fixed? Not by putting a bandage on the wound, they haven't.
To take it back to alcoholism, drinking, not drinking and making changes in my life and then contemplating the demonstrations I'm making in my life - when I see a divergence in things being fixed and what I'm demonstrating/experiencing, the smart money, in my case, would be to bet that I've missed the real problem, fixed (or just think I fixed) something superficial, and am experiencing precisely what I should given what I've done. That said, there have also been times where the demonstrations have lagged the changes. I think if we spend some time in contemplation and really get honest with ourselves, free of as much false pride and ego as we can muster, it becomes apparent pretty quickly whether we need to do something else or we just need to be patient.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: York County, PA
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by Cosima11
It is interesting though, didn't know Jung had an influence on AA..
Originally Posted by Cosima11
Well yes I'm doing many things differently than I did in my addiction.. I'm giving myself permission to feel my feelings without panicking, I'm setting and respecting healthy boundaries with others, I'm learning to choose my battles and not take things so personally. Not sure if these are things you plan or things that just happen when striving for a better way of life..
This goes without saying but I'm also no longer binge eating or self-destructing in other ways while drinking or blacked out.. so not drinking has directly led to a change in other behaviors whether intentional/planned or not.
This goes without saying but I'm also no longer binge eating or self-destructing in other ways while drinking or blacked out.. so not drinking has directly led to a change in other behaviors whether intentional/planned or not.
1 - Experience my feelings without letting them overwhelm me and take control.
2 - Set healthy boundaries, and respect healthy boundaries others set for me.
3 - Treat my body in healthy ways, eat healthy and begin a routine of physical activity I enjoy.
Write it down someplace! Then begin to add to it.
Yeah, abstaining from alcohol does begin to improve our lives simply b/c we cease creating more havoc and damage in it. But while that might be enough for normal drinkers, it's usually not enough for alcoholics, either for things to get better or to stay sober in the long-term.
We really need a personality change. Or at least I (and countless others) did.
Part of mine includes journaling. not so much of a "diary", as regular insights into myself and the changes I am making to handle life on life's terms. Or things I hear in meetings that strike me as poignant, or a lesson I've learned that I don't want to forget and painfully relearn again.
I have the notebook I began in rehab somewhere here. I'll go find it and share. . . .
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 13
The total opposite is just a confusing. During my many "drying out" periods finally honestly seeking true sobriety after 35 years of daily drinking, I would have a week or two sober and launch into euphoria and many extended projects. There is a bit of over-achieving self-sabotage in that as well. Balance is key.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by Ken0331
Yep, that story is in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Now see, that could be a start of a good recovery plan!
1 - Experience my feelings without letting them overwhelm me and take control.
2 - Set healthy boundaries, and respect healthy boundaries others set for me.
3 - Treat my body in healthy ways, eat healthy and begin a routine of physical activity I enjoy.
Write it down someplace! Then begin to add to it.
Yeah, abstaining from alcohol does begin to improve our lives simply b/c we cease creating more havoc and damage in it. But while that might be enough for normal drinkers, it's usually not enough for alcoholics, either for things to get better or to stay sober in the long-term.
We really need a personality change. Or at least I (and countless others) did.
Part of mine includes journaling. not so much of a "diary", as regular insights into myself and the changes I am making to handle life on life's terms. Or things I hear in meetings that strike me as poignant, or a lesson I've learned that I don't want to forget and painfully relearn again.
I have the notebook I began in rehab somewhere here. I'll go find it and share. . . .
Now see, that could be a start of a good recovery plan!
1 - Experience my feelings without letting them overwhelm me and take control.
2 - Set healthy boundaries, and respect healthy boundaries others set for me.
3 - Treat my body in healthy ways, eat healthy and begin a routine of physical activity I enjoy.
Write it down someplace! Then begin to add to it.
Yeah, abstaining from alcohol does begin to improve our lives simply b/c we cease creating more havoc and damage in it. But while that might be enough for normal drinkers, it's usually not enough for alcoholics, either for things to get better or to stay sober in the long-term.
We really need a personality change. Or at least I (and countless others) did.
Part of mine includes journaling. not so much of a "diary", as regular insights into myself and the changes I am making to handle life on life's terms. Or things I hear in meetings that strike me as poignant, or a lesson I've learned that I don't want to forget and painfully relearn again.
I have the notebook I began in rehab somewhere here. I'll go find it and share. . . .
I journal, always have.. maybe even to an unhealthy extent before the drinking really took off. But I do enjoy writing and would love to have some sort of creative project or hobby in my life again.
So thanks and yes please share if you want!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by rolliby
The total opposite is just a confusing. During my many "drying out" periods finally honestly seeking true sobriety after 35 years of daily drinking, I would have a week or two sober and launch into euphoria and many extended projects. There is a bit of over-achieving self-sabotage in that as well. Balance is key.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: York County, PA
Posts: 302
Originally Posted by Cosima11
Hmm I was thinking of a "recovery plan" as a more existential concept, which has not been beneficial to me in past attempts to quit. But if theses things qualify I guess I'm not opposed since these are basically just life skills I never learned properly..
I journal, always have.. maybe even to an unhealthy extent before the drinking really took off. But I do enjoy writing and would love to have some sort of creative project or hobby in my life again.
So thanks and yes please share if you want!
I journal, always have.. maybe even to an unhealthy extent before the drinking really took off. But I do enjoy writing and would love to have some sort of creative project or hobby in my life again.
So thanks and yes please share if you want!
Mine began by doing some "homework" in rehab in the evenings by answering some basic questions designed to get me to look squarely and honestly at myself:
Where am I on the 5 Treatment Phases?
1 - Denial (it's not my fault . . . I still pay my bills, have a job, etc)
2 - Admission (I'll fix it my way, I'm not ready/willing to do it your way)
3 - Compliant (still bullsh-tting, going thru the motions, salesman)
4 - Acceptance (I'm willing to stop doing it my way and failing)
5 - Surrender (it's not that we know we can't do drugs/alcohol anymore; it means that we rely on others/a power greater than ourselves, and we let go of our old beliefs)
Short Term Goals/Objectives
1 - Negative Consequences. List and describe how alcohol has negatively affected your life. (I had one full page)
2 - Identify ways staying sober & building a sober support network can positively impact your life. (I had eight full pages)
3 - Describe how a "using lifestyle" negatively affects relationships with your family & friends.
4 - Identify & list ways addictive behavior developed through substance use/abuse. Write why you chose alcohol over the good things in life.
5 - Write a detailed Relapse Prevention Plan. The relapse prevention plan must include triggers, cravings, coping skills, support groups, sponsorship, 12 step meetings, and any scenarios that have or can occur that put you at risk for relapse. You will gain insight to the relapse prevention tools which must be utilized.
Pay attention to coping skills. First:
A - List any coping skills you already use, both good & healthy and poor & unhealthy. Resolve to use those good & healthy ones as fallbacks, but consciously attempt to use new coping skills first. Make note of how it worked out.
B - Discuss the topic of coping skills in group meetings (AA/NA/other recovery groups) and/or a sponsor. Identify, learn and evaluate one new coping skill every _____ weeks. Have three new ones to put in your toolbelt at the end of 90 days.
C - Make a conscious effort to identify when you used a poor/unhealthy coping skill. Ask: What event occurred? What skill did you not want to use that you fell back on? Did it work? If you answer yes, reconsider the long-term consequences and ask again. Could you have used a different coping skill? If so, AS VIVIDLY AS POSSIBLE, replay the scenario in your head using it, and envision a positive conclusion.
D - Journal this progress
That was "for starters".
B - Discuss the topic of coping skills in group meetings (AA/NA/other recovery groups) and/or a sponsor. Identify, learn and evaluate one new coping skill every _____ weeks. Have three new ones to put in your toolbelt at the end of 90 days.
C - Make a conscious effort to identify when you used a poor/unhealthy coping skill. Ask: What event occurred? What skill did you not want to use that you fell back on? Did it work? If you answer yes, reconsider the long-term consequences and ask again. Could you have used a different coping skill? If so, AS VIVIDLY AS POSSIBLE, replay the scenario in your head using it, and envision a positive conclusion.
D - Journal this progress
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: York County, PA
Posts: 302
Then, in one-on-one meetings with my assigned counselor, we'd discuss this stuff.
My personal plan coming out of rehab looked like this:
Treatment options for once I'm home (BTW, the facility was pushing me to going into a PHP - Partial Hospitalization Program - for a little while first, I declined. Said I needed to get back to take care of my dogs, house & work. My counselor agreed with me & came up with these):
PHP - An option, not needed now, but remain open to if I find it's needed.
Therapist - Consider seeing one once a week to process things, stress, isolation (b/c I now live alone and had been totally isolating myself, drinking at home)
Investigate if there are programs that fall into a medium b/n partial hospitalization and an AA group. Something led by a therapist, in a group setting, but not as time intensive as PHP.
Relationships with women. Now, I'd been divorced for a year, separated 6 months prior, by the time I showed up to rehab, and wanted absolutely no part of dating or attempting a new relationship. But my counselor felt compelled to cover this with me.
- NO RELATIONSHIPS until I finish the 12 Steps
- Go slow
- Don't compare to past failed relationships
- Be open & genuine, up front about who I am, my past
- Remember you have an addictive personality. Once you find a good relationship you'll be tempted to conclude, "this is too good to be true" & sabotage it.
- Manage those expectations
- Intimacy. I have problems with it. People who are the closest to me are the ones who can hurt me most. Take the risk anyway.
My personal plan coming out of rehab looked like this:
Treatment options for once I'm home (BTW, the facility was pushing me to going into a PHP - Partial Hospitalization Program - for a little while first, I declined. Said I needed to get back to take care of my dogs, house & work. My counselor agreed with me & came up with these):
PHP - An option, not needed now, but remain open to if I find it's needed.
Therapist - Consider seeing one once a week to process things, stress, isolation (b/c I now live alone and had been totally isolating myself, drinking at home)
Investigate if there are programs that fall into a medium b/n partial hospitalization and an AA group. Something led by a therapist, in a group setting, but not as time intensive as PHP.
Relationships with women. Now, I'd been divorced for a year, separated 6 months prior, by the time I showed up to rehab, and wanted absolutely no part of dating or attempting a new relationship. But my counselor felt compelled to cover this with me.
- NO RELATIONSHIPS until I finish the 12 Steps
- Go slow
- Don't compare to past failed relationships
- Be open & genuine, up front about who I am, my past
- Remember you have an addictive personality. Once you find a good relationship you'll be tempted to conclude, "this is too good to be true" & sabotage it.
- Manage those expectations
- Intimacy. I have problems with it. People who are the closest to me are the ones who can hurt me most. Take the risk anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: York County, PA
Posts: 302
My personal plan when leaving rehab . . .
- Immediately after returning home and greeting/loving on my dogs for a while, ensure all alcohol is gone. Dump any I find down the drain. Have a friend who cares about me come help if I'm afraid I can't do this by myself.
- Begin attending the AA meetings on the list I was given. Remember I'm shopping for a Home Group & meetings I like, so bring a notebook to record my impressions. Introduce yourself at each one, and remain open that a sponsor could come out of a group I don't mesh with.
- Within 3 weeks, have identified 3 groups I think have potential for regular attendance and/or a Home Group.
- Within 8 weeks, select a Home Group; have identified a group I like I could go to for each day of the week. Mornings are OK, but weeknights & weekends in particular - my idle time. Have some good options to fill that idle time up.
- Log on-line to AA.org and identify the on-line meetings. Get comfortable using it, keep it as an option for those wee hours of the morning.
- Goal is 90 meetings in 90 days. On-line ones don't count.
- Within 8 weeks, also have identified a sponsor. Discuss working the 12 Steps with him, and follow his direction.
- Follow my weekly calendar, make notes, adjust as necessary.
- Journal significant breakthroughs, insights, challenges, anything that ought to be remembered, reflected upon, or recorded for posterity.
- My day will begin with a short talk (prayer if you will) with my Higher Power. I will look into the mirror and tell the man looking back, "you are forgiven". Before leaving home/starting the day, do the exercise "goal for the day". Do this for 90 days and see if it helps. (I was riddled with guilt, shame, regret, and my soul had sunk into a deep, dark, lonely, isolated place where I was crippled by lethargy and depression over what I'd done to my life. This exercise was intended to stop that behavior)
- Apologize to yourself. Forgive yourself. Release the resentments you hold against yourself. Then embrace yourself. If God/your Higher Power forgives you, then you can forgive yourself. Don't play God. Let him do what he does, you just focus on doing what you're supposed to do, one day at a time. Get to know yourself again. Alcoholism has changed you, find out who Ken is now. And if nothing else, DO NOT leave rehab still harboring any resentments towards yourself.
- Either at an evening AA meeting or at home, end my day with an evening review - Progress & Problems. Discuss/contemplate what I have learned. Do I owe anyone an apology? Do it now if it's not too late, or tomorrow/as soon as a conversation is appropriate. Have I formed any new resentments or fears? Work them out. Do a gratitude each night before bed.
- Within 90 days, have identified 5 new potential hobbies. Weather permitting, try some out. Have one selected by Spring. If none, repeat.
- Buy a copy of AAs Daily Reflections and when I feel I'm having a struggle, hit the pause button and read the daily message.
- Triggers? Yes, I had a few, and I'll keep these to myself, but my immediate/short term solution was to avoid them until I learned some healthy coping skills.
- Cravings? Very few instances of any in rehab, but they will occur when I get back home. They will pop up in boredom & downtime. Keep idle time to a minimum in early recovery. The craving to isolate will lead to the craving to drink. Recognize it, accept it, allow yourself to admit you have cravings and it's OK. JUST DON'T ACT ON THEM. Read & reflect upon what giving into that craving gets me, and what I give up (those 8 pages of things you can do when you're sober) if I choose to satisfy it. If that's not enough, go begin some task. If it's still overwhelming, get that phone list out & start calling or go on-line.
- Hug and pet the dogs daily. Play with them. Re-establish and strengthen that bond that alcohol caused you to neglect.
- Recognize that relapse doesn't happen when you pick up a drink. The process begins w/ a thought, days, weeks or even months beforehand.
How do you foresee that happening? Answer - Household chores, yard work, bills piling up . . . . "This sh-t is hard. I want a break, a weekend off." The thought is planted. Then I'll say, "F--- it!" go to the liquor store & get a bottle. Or through isolation (don't!), ruminating thoughts of worthlessness, self-pity, guilt, shame, remorse. Remember I am not a bad person, I'm a sick person trying to get well, that I am forgiven, trying a new way of life now. Don't climb into your head, get outside of it by interacting with people who care about you.
- You enjoyed volunteerism before alcohol took you out of life. Identify another area that needs help and will make you feel fulfilled like that again, then go get involved.
- After you have worked on yourself for 90 days, get back into the mainstream of life. Start to reconnect with the friends who you drove away, and let them dictate how much they'll allow you back into their lives. Not all will be ready, accept this.
And the basic stuff:
- Treat your body kindly. Eat healthy meals.
- Take your meds on schedule. Set alarms on your phone if you find yourself missing them.
- Establish healthy sleeping patterns.
- Make a follow-up appt with your family doctor w/n 45 days to discuss how recovery is going, any new medical issues, or ones that have gotten worse.
- Make no major life decisions unless they are urgent and unavoidable. Those that are you will bounce off your sponsor, others living a healthy recovery, or people who care about you who lead healthy, fulfilled lives.
- Begin attending the AA meetings on the list I was given. Remember I'm shopping for a Home Group & meetings I like, so bring a notebook to record my impressions. Introduce yourself at each one, and remain open that a sponsor could come out of a group I don't mesh with.
- Within 3 weeks, have identified 3 groups I think have potential for regular attendance and/or a Home Group.
- Within 8 weeks, select a Home Group; have identified a group I like I could go to for each day of the week. Mornings are OK, but weeknights & weekends in particular - my idle time. Have some good options to fill that idle time up.
- Log on-line to AA.org and identify the on-line meetings. Get comfortable using it, keep it as an option for those wee hours of the morning.
- Goal is 90 meetings in 90 days. On-line ones don't count.
- Within 8 weeks, also have identified a sponsor. Discuss working the 12 Steps with him, and follow his direction.
- Follow my weekly calendar, make notes, adjust as necessary.
- Journal significant breakthroughs, insights, challenges, anything that ought to be remembered, reflected upon, or recorded for posterity.
- My day will begin with a short talk (prayer if you will) with my Higher Power. I will look into the mirror and tell the man looking back, "you are forgiven". Before leaving home/starting the day, do the exercise "goal for the day". Do this for 90 days and see if it helps. (I was riddled with guilt, shame, regret, and my soul had sunk into a deep, dark, lonely, isolated place where I was crippled by lethargy and depression over what I'd done to my life. This exercise was intended to stop that behavior)
- Apologize to yourself. Forgive yourself. Release the resentments you hold against yourself. Then embrace yourself. If God/your Higher Power forgives you, then you can forgive yourself. Don't play God. Let him do what he does, you just focus on doing what you're supposed to do, one day at a time. Get to know yourself again. Alcoholism has changed you, find out who Ken is now. And if nothing else, DO NOT leave rehab still harboring any resentments towards yourself.
- Either at an evening AA meeting or at home, end my day with an evening review - Progress & Problems. Discuss/contemplate what I have learned. Do I owe anyone an apology? Do it now if it's not too late, or tomorrow/as soon as a conversation is appropriate. Have I formed any new resentments or fears? Work them out. Do a gratitude each night before bed.
- Within 90 days, have identified 5 new potential hobbies. Weather permitting, try some out. Have one selected by Spring. If none, repeat.
- Buy a copy of AAs Daily Reflections and when I feel I'm having a struggle, hit the pause button and read the daily message.
- Triggers? Yes, I had a few, and I'll keep these to myself, but my immediate/short term solution was to avoid them until I learned some healthy coping skills.
- Cravings? Very few instances of any in rehab, but they will occur when I get back home. They will pop up in boredom & downtime. Keep idle time to a minimum in early recovery. The craving to isolate will lead to the craving to drink. Recognize it, accept it, allow yourself to admit you have cravings and it's OK. JUST DON'T ACT ON THEM. Read & reflect upon what giving into that craving gets me, and what I give up (those 8 pages of things you can do when you're sober) if I choose to satisfy it. If that's not enough, go begin some task. If it's still overwhelming, get that phone list out & start calling or go on-line.
- Hug and pet the dogs daily. Play with them. Re-establish and strengthen that bond that alcohol caused you to neglect.
- Recognize that relapse doesn't happen when you pick up a drink. The process begins w/ a thought, days, weeks or even months beforehand.
How do you foresee that happening? Answer - Household chores, yard work, bills piling up . . . . "This sh-t is hard. I want a break, a weekend off." The thought is planted. Then I'll say, "F--- it!" go to the liquor store & get a bottle. Or through isolation (don't!), ruminating thoughts of worthlessness, self-pity, guilt, shame, remorse. Remember I am not a bad person, I'm a sick person trying to get well, that I am forgiven, trying a new way of life now. Don't climb into your head, get outside of it by interacting with people who care about you.
- You enjoyed volunteerism before alcohol took you out of life. Identify another area that needs help and will make you feel fulfilled like that again, then go get involved.
- After you have worked on yourself for 90 days, get back into the mainstream of life. Start to reconnect with the friends who you drove away, and let them dictate how much they'll allow you back into their lives. Not all will be ready, accept this.
And the basic stuff:
- Treat your body kindly. Eat healthy meals.
- Take your meds on schedule. Set alarms on your phone if you find yourself missing them.
- Establish healthy sleeping patterns.
- Make a follow-up appt with your family doctor w/n 45 days to discuss how recovery is going, any new medical issues, or ones that have gotten worse.
- Make no major life decisions unless they are urgent and unavoidable. Those that are you will bounce off your sponsor, others living a healthy recovery, or people who care about you who lead healthy, fulfilled lives.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 185
Cosima... be gentle with yourself. It will happen.
Like you, I was seeking some additional professional steps and I knew in my heart I couldn't do it if I was teetering on losing myself forever in alcohol.
I'm eight months in and I feel better every single day... but I still think I have a way to go.
Professionally, though, so much is going as I'd hoped. At about the 6 month mark, I finally had the energy to think about it again, and I've been on a tear. I've done some important writing and have had it picked up for the clients I'd hope to get.
Six months was a big milestone for me. I hear nine months is, too, and a year, and two years...
Sky's the limit!
Like you, I was seeking some additional professional steps and I knew in my heart I couldn't do it if I was teetering on losing myself forever in alcohol.
I'm eight months in and I feel better every single day... but I still think I have a way to go.
Professionally, though, so much is going as I'd hoped. At about the 6 month mark, I finally had the energy to think about it again, and I've been on a tear. I've done some important writing and have had it picked up for the clients I'd hope to get.
Six months was a big milestone for me. I hear nine months is, too, and a year, and two years...
Sky's the limit!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Thanks for the responses and sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this thread, I'm getting over a cold (my 2nd one since I stopped drinking.. doesn't seem normal). Anyway, that is all very useful, I should probably be in therapy honestly but that just feels like adding another thing to my plate right now. Will have to come back and write more later but thanks again!
FindingMyNext, congrats on 8 months and that's awesome that you're getting the clients you wanted!
FindingMyNext, congrats on 8 months and that's awesome that you're getting the clients you wanted!
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