Who's Fooling Who??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 147
Who's Fooling Who??
People don’t come to – and/or join – a forum like SoberRecovery unless they need and want help. To then later on discover that they are not REALLY alcoholics, or at the least, someone with an alcohol problem, is a no-brainer, I think we all know. It is very simply an excuse to drink. Justification for having that first one - for the thousandth, or ten- thousandth time. To lie to ourselves is easy; to convince ourselves just as easy. After all, we all have that monster called the AV (Alcoholic Voice) telling us how astute we are to recognize the truth in what it’s been telling us all along; that we do NOT have a real problem, or maybe just a small one. One we can surely handle by ourselves.
Be that as it may, the fact of the matter remains: we came looking for help. Because we were not able to help ourselves any longer. Because our bodies and brains were screaming for help; because our lives were or are being slowly drowned in the bottle. Because our personal relationships were suffering; because our physical, mental, spiritual, and financial states and situations were deteriorating; because we were losing our families, our jobs, our friends, our self-respect...
So remember, even when you/we are fooling ourselves, we are not fooling the other people on this forum. They have all been - or still are – where we are. They know all the reasons, all the justifications, all the excuses, all the lies. Which is why they understand. Which is why they don’t judge.
So let’s stop fooling ourselves, because ourselves are the only people we are fooling.
Be that as it may, the fact of the matter remains: we came looking for help. Because we were not able to help ourselves any longer. Because our bodies and brains were screaming for help; because our lives were or are being slowly drowned in the bottle. Because our personal relationships were suffering; because our physical, mental, spiritual, and financial states and situations were deteriorating; because we were losing our families, our jobs, our friends, our self-respect...
So remember, even when you/we are fooling ourselves, we are not fooling the other people on this forum. They have all been - or still are – where we are. They know all the reasons, all the justifications, all the excuses, all the lies. Which is why they understand. Which is why they don’t judge.
So let’s stop fooling ourselves, because ourselves are the only people we are fooling.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Corrie - please take this suggestion in the spirit in which it's offered.
My AV was very very good at deflecting me from the task at hand.
I think yours might be pretty good at that too - it can even make deflection sound like a Public Service Announcement.
You need to focus on yourself and your own problems right now.
Let others deal with theirs.
D
My AV was very very good at deflecting me from the task at hand.
I think yours might be pretty good at that too - it can even make deflection sound like a Public Service Announcement.
You need to focus on yourself and your own problems right now.
Let others deal with theirs.
D
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
What Dee said.
IME, when I have felt the need to "preach" (my word not yours) to others or expound on a particular issue at length- including on here- it is because it is something I am struggling with. My energy, whether expressed here as a way to process such a thing or in a meeting, or in private talk with my husband or a friend....well, I need to be looking at the plank in my own eye.
Best to you.
IME, when I have felt the need to "preach" (my word not yours) to others or expound on a particular issue at length- including on here- it is because it is something I am struggling with. My energy, whether expressed here as a way to process such a thing or in a meeting, or in private talk with my husband or a friend....well, I need to be looking at the plank in my own eye.
Best to you.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Originally Posted by corriec 
So let’s stop fooling ourselves, because ourselves are the only people we are fooling.
Originally Posted by Dee74
You need to focus on yourself and your own problems right now.
Let others deal with theirs.
D
I need to get my own house in order before I can worry about (or help) anyone's else's houses. It's like when they are giving you pre-flight instructions before taking off. They tell you to put your oxygen mask on before helping others around you.
Semi-Professional Philosopher
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Rural PA
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by August252015
What Dee said.
IME, when I have felt the need to "preach" (my word not yours) to others or expound on a particular issue at length- including on here- it is because it is something I am struggling with.
IME, when I have felt the need to "preach" (my word not yours) to others or expound on a particular issue at length- including on here- it is because it is something I am struggling with.
Yes, maybe my self confidence is way better sober, but I still need to keep my guard up and my pride down. Like I said, maybe it is/was just me.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Lots of good advice here already Corrie, hope today is going OK. Lots of good ideas in your post - especially that we need to not fool ourselves, and that people here on SR ( or any recovery community ) will not judge as we've been there before.
I hope you can find some time today to focus on working on those things for yourself, you know how much better it can be sober.
I hope you can find some time today to focus on working on those things for yourself, you know how much better it can be sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Hi corrie. Glad you're back. I "preached" a lot all through this thing. I'm still sober. I think it was just a way of trying to make sense of it all in my head, needing to post here but not needing the same advice I had heard for 10+ years. There's definitely a difference with those who are trying to quit for the first time and those who are attempting for the umpteenth time.
As a fellow umpteenther who is inordinately grateful to have made it to the four month mark...I wish you all the best with this and hope you make it this time.
As a fellow umpteenther who is inordinately grateful to have made it to the four month mark...I wish you all the best with this and hope you make it this time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 65
As I had written on another forum for 25 years to help others, I didn’t join this forum to help myself.
Alcoholism is self-diagnosed, as was mine. I make no judgement of who is or isn’t an alcoholic.
I didn’t have an AV, there was no duality with my psychological recovery.
Many years ago, in my quest for recovery, those attempting to help me, via their truth, by telling me about me, might have worked for them, but it didn’t work for me. This approach tends to be self-promotional talking down, not attraction. First Person Singular sharing (I, me, my) is what Carl Jung recommended. Broad brushing, by telling others what they’re about and what they should do, is the antithesis of “working with others”.
Alcoholism is the cure for that of which purports to be the disease. The power greater than myself that restored me to sanity was alcoholic drinking, which was the symptom, not the problem. When the problem was addressed, which was me, the symptom disappeared. In other words, alcoholism is a delivery system into spiritual reality, which is the only reality.
Alcoholism is self-diagnosed, as was mine. I make no judgement of who is or isn’t an alcoholic.
I didn’t have an AV, there was no duality with my psychological recovery.
Many years ago, in my quest for recovery, those attempting to help me, via their truth, by telling me about me, might have worked for them, but it didn’t work for me. This approach tends to be self-promotional talking down, not attraction. First Person Singular sharing (I, me, my) is what Carl Jung recommended. Broad brushing, by telling others what they’re about and what they should do, is the antithesis of “working with others”.
Alcoholism is the cure for that of which purports to be the disease. The power greater than myself that restored me to sanity was alcoholic drinking, which was the symptom, not the problem. When the problem was addressed, which was me, the symptom disappeared. In other words, alcoholism is a delivery system into spiritual reality, which is the only reality.
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