End stage
 

I posted over a year ago about the state of my dad. He was practically on deaths door, and very almost died due to malnutrition. We had a great doctor who gave him some kind of miracle detox drug... and he got sober. For 6 months! It was brilliant I had a dad again, he was fun to be around and a great grandad. Then he relapsed, Bad. But there was still some hope as after he went through 3 days of withdrawal hell he was sober again. Anyway that didn’t last long and the relapse came again. This time even worse than a year ago! We are back to 1-2 bottles of vodka a day. Literally no food, falling all the time. No memory... he has now turned his phone off so I can’t contact Him. But I keep tabs on him, through the neighbours and the shop keeper! Today the shop keeper called me and told me he fell really hard when he came into the shop, and was confused and frail. He has swelling in the feet, and numerous other symptoms. I’m back to being at my wits end again! Sorry for the long post... my family are bored of the whole situation so I don’t have a great deal of support elsewhere.

Sorry to hear this Emlou! If it's reached this point have you considered having him committed to a hospital against his will? I don't know the details behind the process but it sounds like the only option at this point.

Hi, Emlou.
Very sorry for your situation.
It is the saddest thing in the world to see someone you love destroying themselves.
I would suggest trying to get him into care, but it’s tough to find a facility that will take an active alcoholic.
I have a sib who is trying very hard to drink himself to death.
Nothing I can do.
Good luck.

So sorry Emlou.
I have a beloved brother who is heading down the same road. It's a horrible process to witness.
Wishing you (and all of us!) peace.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

So hard to feel unable to help.

You could have him committed, but that is a hard role to play.

We are thinking of you.

My mom called me yesterday totally overwhelmed because my 82 year old father with kidney disease drank a gallon of wine.

Yeah it runs in families.

Just be the best you can be. Everyone's got their own journey.

thank you all. I know there’s not a lot I can do, and I accept that. It’s just so hard to watch, I can’t believe how much abuse the body can tolerate.

I'm sorry emlou

D

This might be a slim hope but there are times when an alcoholic is open to getting help (and times that he isn't) usually immediately after a spree.

Perhaps ask him if he wants to recover and is willing to go to any lengths to do so.

It is a yes or no question. My mother always says no, she just wants to die. But some of us (I reached end stage) do actually reach a point where we want to get well and are willing to do whatever it takes. I have seen it happen many times, and these folks often have amazing recoveries.

If the answer is yes, call the AA line and see if you can arrange for him to meet with a recovered alcoholic, and maybe something will come of that.

My heart goes out to Emlou - there is nothing quite like witnessing a loved one destroy themselves.
I empathize with the detachment from the situation and keeping tabs from afar; my dad is an alcoholic too and over the holidays we had a very near falling out. I was so ready to say "to Hell with you then."
I agree that there's always that small window where an alcoholic is read and willing to try again.
Keep us posted - we care and are here with you in spirit.

Thank you. He is adamant that he’s doing this until the end now. He’s tried sober, and he says he wasn’t happy. He’s so deluded in thinking the bottle is his best friend. This best friend has taken £30k of his savings and lost him his family. He’s far too scared to go through withdrawal again, I’m sure that will kill him this time, and the doctors have more or less said there is nothing more they can do. The fact that he has now tried to cut contact with me, gives me no hope. At least before I called talk to him every day and listen to him. Mostly it was tears and sadness, and also rambling made up stories.. but now the only contact with life he has is a trip to the shop to buy vodka. He has now started buying 2/3 bottles at a time so he doesn’t have to leave the house for a few days. Craziness

So sad. Hugs your way Emlou. May I ask how old he is?

I am sorry, Emlou

He’s 59.

I wish I had some advice to offer, but I know little of the laws about how to get people help if they don't want it. It sounds like he is basically using alcohol to commit suicide. I am so sorry your family is going through this right now. It may be worth a call to a local non-emergency law enforcement agency to see what your options are a far as getting him medical attention, but again, I am not an expert on the laws and would not take my advice as anything but an amateur who wants to help.

I have a lot of experience with this because a family member of mine did the same thing at the end of his life. I was too young to help at the time, but I am always here if you need someone to talk to or just vent with. PM me if you ever need to.

Updating on my current situation as I don’t know where else to turn.
My dad is currently in police custody, things have progressed quite dramatically recently. He has been having hallucinations and physcotic episodes. Believe it or not the drinking has got worse! He hasn’t been sleeping or eating, vomiting etc.
Anyway this afternoon he turned on my uncle who was trying to help him, and hurt him. Not bad, but he was raging and acting crazy so I called the police as I was scared of what he might do. They arrested him after a couple of hours of trying to talk to him, I panicked and called the police because I’ve been at my wits end and I just didn’t know what else to do. And now I feel so terrible And guilty that he is in a cell and probably going through withradwl hell and it’s my fault.

It is not your fault, Emlou, not all.

You have acted out of concern for all involved.

Prayers your way.

You did what you needed to do. I for one think you did the right thing. Withdrawal he'll is nothing to innocent people being hurt.

I agree with Leigh & Mlh, Emlou - you had to take action - you've been left no choice. It's terrible you've had this to contend with, but you have done nothing wrong. I'm glad you posted.

You did what you could and even if he is going thru withdrawal in the cell if it gets bad they will get him the medical help he will need, so no matter how you feel, you did the right thing.