Shame
 

I think for the last year or so a lot of why I kept drinking was because once i stopped for a day or two I'd realize what a mess i had been, and realize that my family and friends likely all knew, my neighbors knew, my co workers probably even knew.

then telling my drinking buddies last night online how bad it had gotten, just crying my eyes out the whole time.

i am excited to get better but i am so ashamed and embarrassed right now

Shame doesn't belong in the same room as a desire to get better. There is nothing embarrassing about saying enough is enough. That is when miracles start to happen.

I think shame and abusing drugs and alcohol are linked.

One causes the other and so on and so on.

Get rid of the booze and a lot of the shame goes too, but there are so many other sources of shame.

But stopping the drink is a necessary step towards being shame free. You can never be shame free if you continue to over-drink.

That is my goal, to be shame free! Lets do it together!!

Yeah, lots of shame. Lots of regret. Goes hand in hand with addiction.

But getting sober is a courageous thing you'll find those same people you love and embarrassed yourself in front of will become your best cheerleaders. Your "drinking buddies", not so much. They won't want to "lose you" to sobriety, or have to face the fact they might drink too much, too.

I know what you're saying, notrealname. I got to the point in my drinking where I felt like the only way I could live with the shame, the knowledge of the way I'd botched my life up, was to stop and never drink again. That was the only avenue available to redeem myself.

It is the norm for alcoholics to feel shame when we stop drinking but as your life improves and life improves we show we're trustworthy and worthy of respect. But these are things we must earn but getting in a program and one day at a time, stop drinking.

Try and not dwell on the shame and regret - you're right that that can make going back to drinking easier...but it just makes for more shame and regret the next time you have to quit.

Focus on the future and what you want things to be like for you sober.
Face forward and keep moving :)

D

Alcoholism is a magnet for misery, though sobriety has the reverse effect.
Keep on being clean and the rest of your life will follow!

This is where the power of forgiveness comes in: Forgive yourself and move on, it’s the only way to stay clean and sane. All the best on your recovery!

Shame, regret, embarrassment will go away with some sober time.

What's done is done and drinking will only cause more of these bad situations. Staying sober, being a good example of society, and helping others will outweigh the embarrassing regretful drunken situations of the past. What have you done lately? People remember the most significant and current actions.

Yeah, it's embarrassing. Everybody knew I drank too much. It was obvious and so was the b.s. I often told people to cover up my drinking.

I really believe this. Shame begets drinking. I felt the same way, we all did, but you do need to have some self love to get this big project off the ground and running.

It doesn't mean you forget. It means you forgive yourself.

It helped me to blame it on alcohol. Not on myself...on alcohol. Then I could track literally every awful alcohol related incident that I caused right back to drinking. Cravings lost some of their power this way. In my mind alcohol became linked with everything bad in my life and every bad emotion I felt about myself. It helped keep me from drinking.

Then without the drinking, the bad feelings began to fade.

Quit. Hang on for dear life. And while you're hanging on? Try not to think too much.

That is an awesome way to think about it, thank you

Shame is horrendous it's the lowest and most toxic of human emotions.
Addiction Must be a kind of abstract anagram of shame..
S- sick
H- helpless
A- antilife
M- misery
E- empty

Never let the sun in your heart fade
Sobriety is the remedy.
I actually put a rope around my neck couple of months ago due to feeling ashamed and just worn down.
It was addictions curse not the real me.
I am sober today I am working a SIMPLE daily program. Has to be simple I can't afford to get any more baffled and confused than I already am.
But honestly I feel so far removed from the rope incident.
It's because I'm not poisoning myself anymore.
Time is a healer but it will only heal if we let go of our addictions
It's like the big book says...
The result was nil until we let go absolutely.
I'm a wounded person who is 10 days sober but already I can feel the energy increase in my being I want more of that change to restore me.
I hope you stick with a daily simple recovery plan and find trustworthy people who can assiSt you along your new sober life path.
☉

That is solid advice and a great way to look at our drinking.

I'm starting to realize how much perspective plays on our lives. For so many years I viewed alcohol as the solution to my problem. When I was stressed I drank. When I was uneasy I drank, etc. At that time, I perceived drinking as the solution.

The truth is my perspective was wrong. The fact is, like you said, alcohol was the cause of most ever problem I had. When I removed alcohol from my life. I began to view my life with a different perspective and my life changed. Misery became hope. Joy replaced sadness.

that's the weird thing, i've "known" to quit/how dumb it was/how it was poisoning me for the last couple years now as things have gotten worse but i just could never follow my own super obvious advice. but reading more about the whole "AV" thing makes a ton of sense, it really feels like a compulsion in your head that is working against you. especially now that i'm off of drinking for the past few days i can feel that voice screaming at me to drink whereas my body / "me" is like, no I feel way better NOT drinking.

I think that's what confused me / got me about addiction so much. I'd stop drinking and I'd be feeling great and be like damn this is awesome. Then that voice in your head starts whispering "time to have a drink to celebrate" -- why? Why wipe away that "feeling great" and replace it with "i'm not even aware of what's going on right now and i will feel like crap tomorrow and be totally unproductive"

I think it is what gets us all.

Something I don't see many talk about is that at one point in our life drinking WAS great. It was from me anyway. The problem is that the greatness that it was was lost a long time ago and replaced with something very awful.

When we quit we start to feel good again and our mind wants to take us back to that place. Unfortunately, you can't go back.

I final realized that and changed my perspective on my relationship with alcohol

Yeah always that hard-wired sense of "hey remember all the great times we had when drinking??? let's do that again!" but then it becomes drinking by yourself at home, being miserable, hating yourself, lather rinse repeat. For years. It's so hard to break that "positive" association, it's legit poison.

you are so right here. It always felt great to get it out of my system, yet i would drink again. You're right there was never a need to return to it.