Lpg

Aaaaargh my mood and mind has went from optimistic to self doubt in no time. I was on the phone to some family last night and they asked me if I was still doing the no drinking plan. Telling them yes and how great I have felt not having the stress alcohol brings me they proceed to tell me how fun I am with alcohol and I'm 'cool when I drink' basically telling me I'm not as bad as I think. Also telling me 'it's what you drink, you mix too much maybe try sticking to one type' . Yeah I mix because I can't stop myself, I don't plan to drink everything in sight it just happens. It's 100% put my av into overdrive, does that mean I'm not cool now??? Am I not an alcoholic???? Is my behaviour acceptable???? Should I go back??? These family members drink alot themselves and are party party and for them drinking means party but for me it means darkness, no blackouts, alcohol poisoning (Everytime) which they don't see
Oh I don't know my mind is all over the place now I don't know what to think.

PeacefulWater12

I found heavy drinkers are invested in keeping others the same as them. When someone quits, it shines a light on their problem.

Make your own path. What others do is up to them.

Focus on yourself and what you want. All the best to you.

doggonecarl

...Which they don't see. But you do. You know why you are choosing sobriety. They don't have to. Stay the course. And stay away from your family if this is their support.

tomsteve

Am I not an alcoholic???? Is my behaviour acceptable???? Should I go back???
Oh I don't know my mind is all over the place now I don't know what to think.
your words can help yourself:

Hi there
Looking for advice, I'm 26 year old female who binge drinks twice a week to black out point. I'm aware I have a problem I can't drink alcohol without stopping and always out myself in dangerous situations. Last night was rock bottom, I ran away and was in woods and I wouldn't let my boyfriend find me. Once I'm in my black out state I become manic depressed and always talk about suicide or dark thoughts. I'm so scared when I hear everything back the next day but I seem to do it time after time. How do you stop alcohol without losing your friends I'm so young so going out is a huge part of my life but I realise it's going to end badly if I don't stop

LateBloominCait

This is what happened to me the first time I tried to quit. Honestly, I have had to cut a lot of those people out of my life. Anyone who encourages you to go back to drinking doesn't care about you in the way you need them to right now. They don't want you to drink because you're cool when you do, they want you to drink so they don't have to wonder if maybe their own drinking is a problem.

Lpg

Thanks for the reminder I needed that. Can't even remember posting this I was prob still under the influence.

Lpg

Thanks for the replys. My family dont know the full extent of my drinking they would prob never say things like this is they knew how much devastation it causes me. I'm able to finish early today going to hit up a meeting to get my head in the right place. I prayed this morning sobbing away for peace and I'm not even religious. My good days are great but the bad days are torture.

2ndhandrose

It just means that they don't get it.

The important thing is that you DO get it.

Not everybody will understand what we experience and that is okay.

I pray that you find peace with this, Lpg

Dropsie

If ti were me, I would be saying, see, I am okay.

They all think so.

But in my heart I would know that the truth is that I am not ok with drink, and neither are they probably.

Main point, you know, and only you. Don't let this open the door, keep it firmly closed.

We are with you, cause we know.

Lpg

I have went back and read through my posts from the beginning, forgot how many slip ups iv had and it's a great reminder of what's in store for me if I try to be 'cool' again. Not just reading the posts but remembering the events that lead upto my drinking, I remember feeling left out if I didn't drink so decided I could handle a couple (lol) One slip up was a 50 year wedding vow renewal and I was blackout drunk by the time it started and had to leave after embarrassing myself crawling under tables and shouting out obscene things and getting a lecture from the minister . Not very cool if you ask me the whole thing makes me shiver with embarrassment.
I DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE AGAIN!
Staying focused thanks

Done4today

Hey Lpg,

non-alcoholics have no understanding. Just like we don't understand why they wouldn't want to drink all the time since they can. As others have said, you know why you can't drink and that's all that matters.

It makes me laugh how people respond to us stopping. If we stopped doing drugs, smoking, or eating unhealthy, then we would be hearing praises and congratulatory comments. They don't get that drinking for us is death. And one of the worst ways to die, alone and in pain.

Lpg

How annoying is it, I can't get over the responses iv had so far it really gets up my nose. And the people who have to keep asking 'have you had a drink YET' expecting failure. An older family friend actually said 'all you young ones are whimps these days' my eyes spin around in my skull Everytime. Hey ho I can't make people understand and I certainly won't be divulging info on it, I was tempted to tell them all I was going to aa but that would be stupid as I know people will just not understand. No doubt I'll be called a drama queen! I'm not doing it for them I'm doing it for me and that's all that matters.

August252015

Thank you for sharing. IMO I think you answered your own question. Perhaps like me things seem clearer after a little distance from the self-questioning.

Ultimately, while I knew I was an alcoholic, I had to stick with my acceptance of that and decision to quit- no matter what, who, etc had an opinion on it.

You can do this. Is there IRL support you CAN access, like AA for me, as perhaps some distance from your family is a good idea? I didn't have anyone challenging my decision to quit- they had all wanted it desperately for a long time- but do have a brother who is only supportive from a distance. Family relationships can certainly be tough.

Take care of YOU.

tomsteve

you work on you and eventually you'll be able to reply with," thats the best compliment ive received in a long time- thanks!"

ive been called a LOT of things when i was drinking, so being called a wimp when im sober? yeah. compliment.

SnazzyDresser

They don't know what they're talking about. You know why you quit, and all those reasons haven't just evaporated. You're the one who ultimately has to live with your choices and their consequences, and I'm sure you'll choose wisely in this. You need to keep hold of this situation right now and not drink no matter what. Surrendering to even subtle social pressure like this is a nowhere road that will lead you straight to hell if you let it.

Lpg

Yeah I can't let a few words from people who don't know what I'm going through sway my judgement. I know what the deal is and I know where I go when I pick up a bottle. I seen my therapist today and talked through it all and have seen sense. I told him about my first ever post I posted here and he suggested I maybe print it out and keep it in my purse and I can read it when Im having a hard day. The therapist is great he really helps me understand things abit clearer. Glad to find people who understand here too. Thanks lpg

Maudcat

Forgive me, lpg, but your family sounds a bit screwed up.
Mine is too.
Follow your path. Stay sober today, and ignore the quacking.
Peace.

Lpg

Hmm I wouldn't say screwed up just lack of understanding or communication, and that's my problem too as I'm very secretive about my troubles. I love them all dearly they mean the world to me.
Thanks keeping my mind clear (or trying) and staying on track.

Stayingsassy

it makes me angry how people respond. I shouldn't have to explain why I had to quit to drinkers who could stand to quit themselves.

How people respond is all about THEM, not you.

anxiousrock

I think if they are heavy drinkers, they might not want to admit they have a problem also, if that makes sense. The fact that you have given up drinking is making them think about it more.
Drinking everything in sight and blacking out is not normal.