Anxiety and regret
 

Ugh- I am having such a hard time right now- I just want to cry. Last night I got drunk and moved furniture around and I somehow must have fallen onto a corner or something and my nose is swollen and bruised- looks like I got a nose job or something. I'm freaking out and having anxiety because I have to go to work on Tuesday and all of this could have been prevented if I just didn't drink. I'm so mad at myself and wish I could go back and change things. Last night my Dad told me that he was happy I wanted to get help but that talking to me drunk was so heartbreaking, that he never thought he'd not want to talk to his daughter. This stupid scenario of wishing I could go back and change things has happened so much in my life I am just praying and trusting that God will get me out of this- and that my nose will heal. I look in the mirror and I can't hide it this time- I don't want to drink anymore and I'm done for good!

Hang in there, Sunshine. You'll get through this. The good news is that you don't ever have to feel this kind of anxiety and regret again if you don't drink alcohol. You can earn your father's respect back. You already have his love.

Everyone here understands and can relate to your story. We're friends. Your sobriety event was pretty dramatic! I hope you heal quickly.

I know it is difficult to believe but you are actually in an advantageous place to start from. I was in a similar situation when I quit. I was seriously disgusted with myself and pissed off. When I listen to your words I hear the same thing. The only thing I would do now is see your doctor and come up with a sober plan. When I quit the only help I asked was from the lord. You can do this!

Sunshine sorry to hear what happened I hope you heal up fast. My mum said those exact same words to me when I had my last drink and it felt like I was being plunged with a knife. My mother means the world to me and for her not to want to be around me was a wake up call for me. Since I stopped our relationship is great. The good thing is you never have to feel like that again if you don't drink, that's refreshing to think about. I hope your nose heals soon too take care
Lpg

Ice your nose, and don’t drink.
I used to bang myself up incredible when I drank.
Fell over lawn chairs, down flights of stairs, getting in or out of bed.
Amazed I didn’t kill myself.
Good luck.

You are right on the first point, but you'll never get anywhere if you hang on to the second one.

What you can change is the choices you make today. You can choose to actively pursue help that will keep you sober. Coming here is a great first step. Look around you and see where else you may be able to find support or help - local recovery groups, maybe a counselor, some books, setting a schedule for yourself to make time for working on positive things. Idle time is a sobriety killer so plan out your day to avoid it.

On the immediate front - get rid of any alcohol in your house and don't even think about getting any more. You can do a LOT of positive things today to help make you back into that person you want to be.

Thank you all for your kind words and support! It really makes so much sense when I stop and think about it- everything you are all saying. I'm sitting here with ice on my nose (I slept upright but it's still really swollen, even my eyes look weird now- it's not broken, just tender) and I found a local support meeting that I want to attend tonight. Thank you again for all the encouragement.

Hi sunshine, there is no end to the humiliation that alcohol can bring us. My first post in sobriety was "pain and humiliation." I avoid it by not drinking alcohol. Period. Go about it however it helps support you, find a plan, but number one? Get off the alcohol, for good. And you will never intentionally humiliate yourself again. We don't do that in sobriety. We prefer to lift ourselves up. Welcome to SR!

We're alcoholics, that's what we do! What helped me the most is to decide to not drink TODAY. And what someone said at a meeting: "you don't have to drink today". HUH? Really? Well nobody ever told me that before, lol.
So start over today and try to let go of yesterday. A big hug.

I've gotten drunk and decided to move the furniture too! LOL It didn't end well either!

Imo, moving the furniture means you are looking to change things. That's a good thing. The worst thing you can do is get down on yourself about things you can't change, like the past. The good news is you have control over the future of you and drinking.

Hi, I think it might be your internal reaction to this that is causing the most pain...not what actually happened. A swollen nose is not a huge deal.

While I have no got injured that bad while drinking, I understand your frustration.
We’ve all done thinks we regret while drunk.
Just look past it and use the feeling as motivation to not drink again.

Sunshine,
Welcome to SR, sorry to hear about your nose! Having said that, if things go the way they usually do, it’ll heal and within a week or two you’ll have all forgotten about it and you’ll think of your drink of choice and wonder whether you shouldn’t maybe have a glass, just one glass?
May I suggest the following: Take a picture of your nose in all its current gory glory, print it out and put it in a prominent location, so that next time you are tempted to reach for the bottle you’ll have a visual reminder of what’s waiting for you (again). Crude, but effective - did something similar myself and it did its job!

Funny, I was just suggest a photo, but then I though about it, and not sure that shaming oneself is the way to go. We do enough of that we addicts.

But, it is a great impetuous for change.

Use it.

Mac4711 and Dropsie- How funny! I had thought about that this morning- what happens if I'm healed soon and then I tell myself- well, just one drink... But then I thought- no, I'm done. This is awful. I think the picture idea is great- even just to keep around in case I have one of those moments! I just took a pic of myself- unfortunately I have makeup on now but you can still see the bruises around my nose and under my eyes (yup, going to work looking like this- should be fun! :-P) I'll take another when I get home from work and take off my makeup. Will keep it around as a reminder. Thank you for having my same thoughts and the picture idea!!

Sunshine,
I love it! This is how you’ll catch the insidious addictive voice in you, because you’re right, in a few weeks from now it’ll whisper, ‘Oh, that nose thing, it was nothing, just a little mishap, have a glass, you deserve it!’. How selective our memory can be!

Yeah, I know that nothing could scare me enough to not drink. And any harm or humiliation I brought myself was forgotten as soon as I was far enough removed from it and tempted by the alcohol again.

Find some sort of program you think will help you and make use of it.

Hell, if the only damage I did to myself and the chaos I caused to everyone around me from my years of drinking was to have to go to work with a bruised nose and hurt ego . . . . not to minimize your situation but you have yet to see just how viciously alcohol abuse will totally wreck your life, and the ones of those who love you.

Good on you for deciding to stop now.

https://goo.gl/images/tXueQH

My sister said that I looked like Nick Nolte’s mug shot when she came to intervene at end of my last bottom (followed by 11 yrs sobriety until recent relapse :headbange). I had a picture of it in my Big Book to remind me. Unfortunately, I slowly stopped working the program, lost my book and proved to myself with certainty that I can not drink even 1 more drink. Ever.

Print out that pic of yours...it will serve as a great reminder where alcohol can take you.

Hey Sunshine, how’s the nose? Remember not to drink this weekend, you might end up with a shiner, lol!