Lpg

I don't know what's going on with me right now my head says one thing my body does another.

Went to go to the Friday meeting that I have missed the last few weeks (used Xmas as an excuse) went to go back today got outside and for the life of me I couldn't get out the car. I just froze up. I want to go I don't know why I can't get my ass in there,ithink I'm still struggling to accept what's going on and have been putting a front on it and kidding myself on its easy and it's catching up with me. I Must say 'I'm fine' to myself and partner about 100 times a day convinced if I say it enough it will be true.

I'm not fully working this yet I pretending and it's backfired.

biminiblue

Just go in.

You don't have to have any of this figured out. Go in.

If you already left, go back.

It's okay to show up halfway through. They'll just be glad you're there.

tomsteve

my very first AA meeting, i pulled into the driveway, backed into a spot, put my car in drive, went home and cried all night tryin to figure out why i couldnt get out and go in.
it was fear- fear of the unkown. what my life without alcohol would be like.
something that helped me go to another meeting was fear of the known- what my life would be like WITH alcohol still in it.
went back the next evening with courage. the doors to that building where the meeting was were the hardest doors i ever opened at an AA meeting and they were automatic doors. they got easier to open over time.

EliL

I’ve seen people come into AA drunk each time and I’ve seen many more people leave AA than stay do believe me you aren’t entering a place that you need to be scared of and no one can force you to go anything you don’t want to! As for fear of embarrassing yourself, you will be sitting with a bunch of drunks trying to stay sober it’s not like walking into the Oscars!! Go have a look and stop taking it so seriously, it’s like whatever dive you have been drinking in without the booze and with a serving of hope instead

Oh and on the 3rd AA meeting I turned up to, the 3rd time I was again skulking around the corner some guy from the group walked past and asked if I was going to AA I replied yeah and he said don’t worry no need to be scared and led me in! Lovely thing to do but a little embarrassing for me!! Go in!

aasharon90

Leave all the worries of life, all the
noise, everything outside the door
and grab a cup of water or coffee
and have a seat. Take a deep breath,
relax.

You will be amongst many who
are similar to you. No one will
judge you because they have all
been there done many of the same
similar things as you.

Just listen and you will be amazed.

Comfort and fellowship waiting
for you.

Keep it simple, don't figure it all
out. With Willingness and and
openmind, let your feet guide
you and the mind will follow.

ScottFromWI

Like others have said, don't overthink this LPG. Just go in and sit down. Or call your sponsor, or even just the main AA number. They can have someone meet you outside and bring you in if you like.

Your addiction is fighting very hard to keep you drinking...don't listen to it.

anxiousrock

I’ve been to many meetings and still feel horribly nervous every time I go.
You just have to force yourself into the door and once you’re there, you’ll be okay. .

Cappy76

I think the secret is to get there early because this one guy at one I went to kept talking for like an hour about stuff not related to sobriety like his business and his partner. And I ended up leaving because I was going to be there until 4am and I had to go to bed to get up for work. Also not all meetings are the same some are for certain things where a newbie wont get much help others are purely for newbies. This is what ive found anyway but you will find newbies meetings all over on different days you may have to travel a bit though.

Cappy76

This is anxiety its fight or flight response, you may have an underlying condition that is the problem with us AA's we have masked problems we always had for so long with alcohol.
Alcohol doesn't solve problems it just covers them up.
Which is why it was put on earth by God, 100 years ago if a guy fell off his horse and broke his leg all you could do was give him some whiskey to help the pain.
Alcohol is not the problem WE are.

Dave42001

I see a lot of positives in you post. You’ve attended a few meetings and went to the 3rd and didn’t go in.. you go home get on SR and share your experience with the group and got some great feedback.. I think your growing, kudos to you..

The first word in Step 1 is “We” it is a we program. I agree with the others, I think the group would just be glad to see you and would do anything to help if asked..

Wishing you the best!! Let us know how your next meeting goes

Done4today

In my first few months of sobriety, I probably drove away from 50% of the meetings. My anxiety overwhelmed me and now two years later, I have no problem attending meetings all over the country. It's funny to me now thinking back on it. My fears got the best of me and thank goodness I didn't drink.

waynetheking

You have nothing to loose by trying. Go for it!

Lpg

Thanks everyone for the advice, I decided to message someone in the group over the weekend and she was very kind and offered to go in with me to the next one. That means so much to me like many have said it's anxiety stopping me, my body does fight or flight mode and most times I fly (off the handle)

I just hate to feel vulnerable in front of people and I know talking about how hard iv been finding it will leave me open. I have put a plaster on my av but it won't hold forever I need to help myself before I can get better.

Does the ideas and fantasy of being a moderate drinker ever leave us?

Lpg

Ken33xx

I can`t answer that.

However with regards to meetings you don`t have to share if you don't wish to.

Done4today

Yes. Once I surrendered to the fact I am an alcoholic. I know I can't control my drinking and a moderate drinker can. I will say I have had fleeting thoughts of trying this beer or that wine. But that's my AV just trying to find a weakness.

Get a sponsor and work the steps, you'll be amazed at the changes it produces.

Dee74

Once I accepted what I was, yes.

D

PeacefulWater12

I found that I had to stop thinking, just do it. Just go to my meeting.

If I thought about it, I would find a hundred excuses not to go.

I found the fantasy of being able to drink moderately left me as I worked my program and built my life into a calm, solid productive one.

Peace comes.

Ken33xx

Ass long as I believed I could somehow manage my drinking I wasn't going to stop. It wasn`t until my life was completely unraveling that I became willing to attend an AA meeting.

And while a lot of what I heard in AA was confusing one thing was clear: My life was unmanageable and I was powerless of alcohol.

And when I say powerless I mean one or two drinks was never enough. Not even when I first started. I drank to get change the way I felt and the more years I drank the harder this became.

At the end I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. The war was over and I lost. I was never going to control my drinking or drink moderately

But then I never wanted to. I wanted to drink the way I wanted but without the negative consequences. Which of course never worked the way I planned.

AAPJ

With my AA home group no nervous feelings any more.

But I went to a different meeting last week and was surprised at how nervous I was.

Overall, it does get easier. I think my breakthrough occurred when I did a 90 in 90.

shortstop81

Even though I'd been in & out of AA rooms for many years, I still used to get anxious about going. What helped me was finding a group that felt like a good 'fit' for me and making it my Home group. Then I began to get to know the other members (other than my sponsor).

Now when I go I feel comfortable and welcomed. People know my name. They shake my hand and give me a hug.

The fellowship aspect has made all the difference in the world to me, and I'm an anxious anti-social type.