biminiblue

SickInLove, I'm one who was so stubborn that I purposely put myself in situations like a concert in early sobriety to PROVE to myself that I meant it. I was not going to drink, didn't matter if I stayed away from it or not.

It just wasn't an option.

I wasn't afraid of alcohol. I was done with it.

I think if my sobriety had been fear-based I might have felt differently, but my sobriety was empowerment for me. It was doing what I absolutely without a doubt knew was the right thing.

I had no fear of others drinking around me. I am not one to preach, "Stay away!" from it.

AAPJ

SIL - Great question. I like concerts too. I can't remember how long I was sober before my first concert. But I do know that I didn't drink. For me it was my own attitude that needed to change about the concert/music experience. I now know that seeing double of the band on stage doesn't happen anymore. That was my old experience.

But what really helps me stay sober is looking at some of the people in the parking lot or inside the venue who are already drunk or stoned on whatever their drug of choice is for the night before the concert even starts. I know from my own alcohol & drug use history that the concert will just be a blur for them. What a waste of time and money.

I like remembering and enjoying the concert experience.

PS - As an aging over 50 semi geezer I wear earplugs at concerts now. Feel free to poke fun at me for this.... and get off my lawn!

Dee74

I love going to concerts too - I can go and not even register others drinking now, let alone not be tempted...

but I had to work up to that.

I stayed away from concerts for a while, and as a musician I stayed away from playing music for a while as well.

I needed to put clear distance between the person I used to be and the person I wanted to become.

That meant not being around temptation or situations dangerous to my sobriety for a while....not forever, but just until I built up some sober muscles and got to a point where I referred not to drink...no matter what

D

MindfulMan

I didn't go to shows right away, but I did go to Coachella during the tail end of my drinking career. What a mess that was. I could barely walk, and did all kinds of drugs as well as hiding a bottle of vodka in my luggage so I could do shots all night. I got out of the car the first day and proceeded to fall down a hill, skipped the second day, and needed the medical cart to get back to the cart on Day 3.
Ugh. Memories are pretty nonexistent.

I got sober on 5/19, and saw Alt-J exactly 3 months later. Walking past the bar was a bit tough, but I stopped and got a ginger ale. My friends had eaten some edibles and one of the had a beer (maybe two?). I had twinges, but it wasn't that big of a deal. I took drinking off the table in rehab, I wasn't about to blow my sobriety. Plus I had my own car in case I needed to leave and my friends weren't about to let me drink at the seat; they were very supportive and visited me in rehab a few times.

I've been to a few shows since and it's gotten even easier, even though friends drank, and at the last show one friend disappeared for a while and I know he was off doing coke. At shows past, I would have been joining him.

Go when you feel secure enough in your sobriety to know that you can get past your triggers, and even then have an escape plan.

Soberchella should be interesting this year. Fortunately my friends either don't party or have drastically curtailed due to having babied up. There are meetings on-site, and a big sober group from the Coachella forum.

SickInLove

First I’d like to apologize for being so negative yesterday. I was having a rough day and feeling really down on myself for messing up. I feel weak that I can’t seem to beat this. I should have taken the advice from all of you that have gotten through it but instead I was stubborn. Thank
You all for the advice, it’s what I needed to hear.

scaredikklegoth

It's brave of you to admit that so well done. And, tbf, I think we've all dug our heels in when told things we don't want to hear. I know I did; my partner would try to talk me out of two more bottles of wine and would of course be completely in the right and making sense but I had the AV whispering in my ear so I would not listen.

As for going to gigs, I also love them and am lucky that I never drank much at them but there have been other events I've had to shy away from because of the temptation. It sucks but it's not permanent.

SickInLove

Oh my how I have been there! I’ve been to one Coachella when I was a drunk mess. I barely even remembered what bands I watched. In fact a few days later I told my friend how sad I was that I missed watching Paul McCartney and she said “ we watched his entire set!” Of course I was wasted by that time because he was the last to play. I’ve also been to Coachella sober because I was pregnant at the time. I had fun but it was tough being around all of the drinking. Obviously sober was the only option for me since I was pregnant so it made it easier. I just saw the Coachella line up announced yesterday for this year, I hope you have fun. I’m still torn on my show at the end of the month. I guess I will wait and see how I feel when the time comes. I will take your advice and see if I’m strong enough to resist the triggers and take my own car. That will help in 2 ways. 1. I can leave if I’m triggered by my friends or surroundings. 2. I drinking won’t be a option because I would never drive drunk. My show is about 2 hours away from me in San Diego so
I got a hotel for the night. I guess if all
Else fails I can relax in the hotel and do some yoga and enjoy the alone time. Thank you for you response, it was very relatable to me

SickInLove

Thank you! I know now that going to a show on NYE was probably not the best idea at all. I think being a mom I was just so excited to get out of the house for once on NYE, it was my first in 7 years. Now thinking back on it I should have taken advantage of having a over night babysitter and done something more relaxing and gotten some sleep. Instead of going to see alkaline trio who are known for their drinking songs and having a pretty drunk crowd haha.

Lindajean68

Figuring out which events I can manage and which I need to skip has been an ongoing process for me. I feel like I'm always trying to balance out my sobriety and safety...and then on the other hand, my desire to stay connected with people, socialize, etc.

I really agree about having a plan and always having an escape route if it doesn't feel right. I also always talk to my sponsor about it beforehand. I'm not saying I have always followed her direction
but I always learn and grow through talking to her.

For me...it's important to not fear being around alcohol. I just have to ask myself...what is the reason for being at this event? is alcohol central or just one part? do I have a plan? etc

Tough stuff for sure.

SoberCAH

I listen to a fair amount of music in which alcohol, drugs, consequences and recovery are topics.

But I wouldn't start out doing that early on.

When I hear those songs, it reminds me of another time when my life was in shambles as a result of doing those things.

They remind me of places that I no longer wish to be.

I'm 60 years old and barroom fights and strip joints are not the kind of thing most people my age want to participate in.

Nor are getting arrested, constantly having landlord, spouse, boss and financial problems.

I have the scars from all of them, but they seem like a lifetime ago.

So listening to songs about drinking, drugging etc. is like listening to songs about things which apply to other people, at least these days they do.

Dropsie

How is it going?

I love to go to concerts now, no need to stand in line for beer or the toilet.

You will get there, baby steps. Or big bold steps like Bimini. For me it was a combination of the two.

I am pretty determined once I set my mind to something, so I did stuff others would not early on. And the times I relapsed, were never high risk. Just highly stupid.

But like you, I got back on the horse and here I am. So long sober, I don't even remember how long!!

You will find your way, once you accept that it will never ever be one sip.

Once I totally and completely accepted emotionally that I was a compulsive drinker, I was done. Same with cigs -- once I realised that it was always going to be another round on the rollercoaster, I got off for good.

Now my not-husband gets to drink his drinks in peace, and we both have a good time at the show.

You will get there.