Introspection and Admission (Goodbye)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 114
Introspection and Admission (Goodbye)
I appreciate you all.
I purchased and drank 4 Heineken last night, I'm afraid my 132 days of sobriety is over, I've decided moderation over abstinence.
I feel I no longer belong here or have a place here. I wish you all well.
Goodbye for now.
I purchased and drank 4 Heineken last night, I'm afraid my 132 days of sobriety is over, I've decided moderation over abstinence.
I feel I no longer belong here or have a place here. I wish you all well.
Goodbye for now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
One battle does not make the war Calvin 
Even tho I went back to drinking many times, I knew the only way I would end up with the life, and the me, I wanted was to quit drinking.
There is no moderation for those who cannot moderate.
I hope you don't stay out there too long.
D
Even tho I went back to drinking many times, I knew the only way I would end up with the life, and the me, I wanted was to quit drinking.
There is no moderation for those who cannot moderate.
I hope you don't stay out there too long.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by calvinm16 
I appreciate you all.
I purchased and drank 4 Heineken last night, I'm afraid my 132 days of sobriety is over, I've decided moderation over abstinence.
I feel I no longer belong here or have a place here. I wish you all well.
Goodbye for now.
I purchased and drank 4 Heineken last night, I'm afraid my 132 days of sobriety is over, I've decided moderation over abstinence.
I feel I no longer belong here or have a place here. I wish you all well.
Goodbye for now.
you know the experiment. if it's not a problem, let it go and never look back. we know what happened though. you decided it was too hard to be sober so you made a choice to go back.
I want you to at least know what it is you're giving up.
please come back soon.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I’d like to wish you luck and say that maybe you’re correct and you are one of the few who can moderate.
However I’ve just read some of your early posts, and think your chances of successfully moderating your drinking and using are slim to none, and Slim’s out of town.
I hope that you figure out a way to deal with your depression and anxiety that doesn’t involve the bottom of a liquor or Xanax bottle.
There will always be people to help you when you fall again.
However I’ve just read some of your early posts, and think your chances of successfully moderating your drinking and using are slim to none, and Slim’s out of town.
I hope that you figure out a way to deal with your depression and anxiety that doesn’t involve the bottom of a liquor or Xanax bottle.
There will always be people to help you when you fall again.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
No lectures from me Calvin. I first got sober in 1990 for over 6 years but decided to try the moderation route. Within a year my drinking (and at the end drugging) had gotten worse than when I quit the first time. After staying sober for another 7 years I once again decided to start drinking again. This time it had more to do with me being miserable sober than thinking I could moderate again. I nearly drank myself to death over the next 8 years, and towards the end I was contemplating suicide over facing another day of drinking before I would take my first drink of the day.
During those sober stretches I had I didn't really do much to change my life. I had been in and out of AA during the times I was sober but never bought into the steps and stopped going to meetings after 2-3 years both times. I decided this time I had to not only stop drinking, but change my life in a way that would allow me to handle the ups and downs of life without running back to the bottle.
For me that was finally becoming willing to take the 12 steps since I was already familiar with AA. It turned out the steps were the key to making that much needed change in my life. But regardless of what method one chooses to change their life, something has to change. As some of the slogans say..."if nothing changes, nothing changes", and "if you keep doing what you're doing you'll keep getting what you're getting". If moderation turns out not to be the answer I hope you'll not hesitate to come back to SR for support.
During those sober stretches I had I didn't really do much to change my life. I had been in and out of AA during the times I was sober but never bought into the steps and stopped going to meetings after 2-3 years both times. I decided this time I had to not only stop drinking, but change my life in a way that would allow me to handle the ups and downs of life without running back to the bottle.
For me that was finally becoming willing to take the 12 steps since I was already familiar with AA. It turned out the steps were the key to making that much needed change in my life. But regardless of what method one chooses to change their life, something has to change. As some of the slogans say..."if nothing changes, nothing changes", and "if you keep doing what you're doing you'll keep getting what you're getting". If moderation turns out not to be the answer I hope you'll not hesitate to come back to SR for support.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 323
Nothing we say is going to change your mind. You've decided to drink so you're going to. I was the same. I figured I could just have a few drinks at the weekend like most people; I was back to drinking every other day again within a couple of weeks. I imagine you might end up doing the same thing. I understand and I don't judge you. I hope you come back and don't do yourself lots of harm.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
There is nothing wrong in seeking help,
asking for help for our addiction. It is
in not asking for help that will keep us
on that merry go round or rollercoaster
of insanity, sickness and disease.
I like many, placed ourselves into
the hands of those capable of teaching
us about our addiction that affects
our heart, minds and souls. Then given
a program of recovery to incorporate
in all areas of our life as a guideline to
help build a strong foundation to live
upon one day at a time.
So many continue to stay in their
addiction thinking that can control
it and yet it is impossible to do so
without making changes in themselves
and their lives.
There are many places to go today
to let folks capable of teaching you
how to get off that merry go round
of addiction and learn to live alcohol
and drug free.
Since i wasn't capable of seeking help
on my own back in 1990, my family stepped
in placing me into the hands of those
capable of teaching me about my addiction
and giving me a program of recovery to
live by to remain sober for 27 yrs now.
A 28 day instay rehab with a 6 week
outpatient aftercare program helped
me to begin my journey living a life
with continuous maintenance using
the gift of a recovery program as my
guideline each and everyday i remain
sober.
Continue to listen, learn, absorb and
apply all the knowledge and help available
to you to get off that addiction train
for good to live a healthy, happy, honest
life ahead of you.
SR is one of many lifelines available
to many to help you. Don't let go of
this one, but go get you more to help
yourself.
To know that none of us ever has
to go thru anything in life alone is
extremely comforting.
asking for help for our addiction. It is
in not asking for help that will keep us
on that merry go round or rollercoaster
of insanity, sickness and disease.
I like many, placed ourselves into
the hands of those capable of teaching
us about our addiction that affects
our heart, minds and souls. Then given
a program of recovery to incorporate
in all areas of our life as a guideline to
help build a strong foundation to live
upon one day at a time.
So many continue to stay in their
addiction thinking that can control
it and yet it is impossible to do so
without making changes in themselves
and their lives.
There are many places to go today
to let folks capable of teaching you
how to get off that merry go round
of addiction and learn to live alcohol
and drug free.
Since i wasn't capable of seeking help
on my own back in 1990, my family stepped
in placing me into the hands of those
capable of teaching me about my addiction
and giving me a program of recovery to
live by to remain sober for 27 yrs now.
A 28 day instay rehab with a 6 week
outpatient aftercare program helped
me to begin my journey living a life
with continuous maintenance using
the gift of a recovery program as my
guideline each and everyday i remain
sober.
Continue to listen, learn, absorb and
apply all the knowledge and help available
to you to get off that addiction train
for good to live a healthy, happy, honest
life ahead of you.
SR is one of many lifelines available
to many to help you. Don't let go of
this one, but go get you more to help
yourself.
To know that none of us ever has
to go thru anything in life alone is
extremely comforting.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
I decided on moderation countless times. But in doing so I gave my Beast ( the desire for intoxication/alcohol) the upper hand and that f'er only wants ' more', it is simply easier and healthier to quit full stop.
At least you have proof in the 100 plus days of not pouring booze down your neck that you still get to keep your butt, so it is possible to quit when your are ready , despite what you tell yourself.
wish you well, rootin for ya
At least you have proof in the 100 plus days of not pouring booze down your neck that you still get to keep your butt, so it is possible to quit when your are ready , despite what you tell yourself.
wish you well, rootin for ya
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Originally Posted by calvinm16
I'm afraid my 132 days of sobriety is over, I've decided moderation over abstinence.
That lasted a few weeks and eventually I was drunk everyday and that lasted almost 3 years - the worse 3 years of my life.
An alcoholic doesn't understand the word moderation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by Grungehead
No lectures from me Calvin. I first got sober in 1990 for over 6 years but decided to try the moderation route. Within a year my drinking (and at the end drugging) had gotten worse than when I quit the first time. After staying sober for another 7 years I once again decided to start drinking again. This time it had more to do with me being miserable sober than thinking I could moderate again. I nearly drank myself to death over the next 8 years, and towards the end I was contemplating suicide over facing another day of drinking before I would take my first drink of the day.
During those sober stretches I had I didn't really do much to change my life. I had been in and out of AA during the times I was sober but never bought into the steps and stopped going to meetings after 2-3 years both times. I decided this time I had to not only stop drinking, but change my life in a way that would allow me to handle the ups and downs of life without running back to the bottle.
For me that was finally becoming willing to take the 12 steps since I was already familiar with AA. It turned out the steps were the key to making that much needed change in my life. But regardless of what method one chooses to change their life, something has to change. As some of the slogans say..."if nothing changes, nothing changes", and "if you keep doing what you're doing you'll keep getting what you're getting". If moderation turns out not to be the answer I hope you'll not hesitate to come back to SR for support.
During those sober stretches I had I didn't really do much to change my life. I had been in and out of AA during the times I was sober but never bought into the steps and stopped going to meetings after 2-3 years both times. I decided this time I had to not only stop drinking, but change my life in a way that would allow me to handle the ups and downs of life without running back to the bottle.
For me that was finally becoming willing to take the 12 steps since I was already familiar with AA. It turned out the steps were the key to making that much needed change in my life. But regardless of what method one chooses to change their life, something has to change. As some of the slogans say..."if nothing changes, nothing changes", and "if you keep doing what you're doing you'll keep getting what you're getting". If moderation turns out not to be the answer I hope you'll not hesitate to come back to SR for support.
Great words of advice!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by calvinm16
I appreciate you all.
I purchased and drank 4 Heineken last night, I'm afraid my 132 days of sobriety is over, I've decided moderation over abstinence.
I feel I no longer belong here or have a place here. I wish you all well.
Goodbye for now.
I purchased and drank 4 Heineken last night, I'm afraid my 132 days of sobriety is over, I've decided moderation over abstinence.
I feel I no longer belong here or have a place here. I wish you all well.
Goodbye for now.
1. If you were able to moderate, you wouldn't have been on this website in the first place. Non-alcoholics don't go looking for online support. They just don't.
2. The fact that there was even a decision to be made by you (moderate or abstinence?) proves you are an alcoholic (again, non-alcoholics don't go around even thinking about such a decision. It's not an issue to ponder. Since you pondered it, you are an alcoholic).
You are LUCKY. You are ALIVE, you know (deep down, at least) that you shouldn't drink, and you have time to learn to live a fulfilling, productive life free of the shackles of a poison that simply numbs you to reality. You have time to live such a blessed life and actually be a productive and valuable and appreciated member of society (none of us here, to my knowledge, are Syrian refugees or stuck in the congo or living - at least not yet - under a bridge with barely a blanket to call our own. We are LUCKY.) With that luck comes responsibility, a responsibility not to WASTE our lives (something I am certainly guilty of myself). So, don't quit what you KNOW is right. You've been sober 132/133 days. That's a pretty damn good record.
I'm not going to lie. When I fall off the wagon (I'm on 21 days sober now) there is NO WAY IN HELL it lasts just one day. I mean - hell, I'm off the wagon, I want to enjoy it (a f***** up rational, but it's true). So, I will concede that I 100% understand you staying off the wagon for a few days, although it's not ideal. What I DO NOT understand is you tricking yourself that you were being nutty for those 132 days and had decided to start this abstinence based life on a whim that wasn't actually necessary. Again, BS! A non-alcoholic never would have become abstinent in the first place.
I'm sorry. I read everyone saying "I hope you come back" and the like. I, too, hope you come back. But don't lie to yourself that you've decided to become a moderate drinker. I've read your posts - you're not an idiot. You know you can't be a moderate drinker. Get over it. Maybe harsh, but definitely true.
Sorry - I just wanted to say what we ALL (you, too, Calvin!) know. So have a beer for me, wallow for a couple days, and then BUCK UP.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Calvin,
I have tried moderation in the past after a few stints of sobriety in the past, and found myself right back to daily drinking, and waking up foggy headed. I really hope you decide to come back and start again, 132 days is a good amount of time, and you can come back and start building on that.
When you do come back check out the 24 hour thread, it is a supportive forum and you can commit one day at a time.
I hope you have a happy and safe New Year, and I hope to see you back soon!
I have tried moderation in the past after a few stints of sobriety in the past, and found myself right back to daily drinking, and waking up foggy headed. I really hope you decide to come back and start again, 132 days is a good amount of time, and you can come back and start building on that.
When you do come back check out the 24 hour thread, it is a supportive forum and you can commit one day at a time.
I hope you have a happy and safe New Year, and I hope to see you back soon!
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