scaredikklegoth

I'm not judging her because we all know how hard this is and how easy it can be to relapse. But I feel... a little abandoned? We were supporting each other through this and now, despite having seen it coming as she drank while on holiday, I feel like suddenly a part of my support network has collapsed. It didn't seem like she was planning on stopping either. She told me what she drank and then said 'so it wasn't that much' (it was) so it doesn't seem like that was the end.

I dunno why I'm even posting this. I'm going to continue to support her and not judge, I just feel a bit disappointed I suppose.

Dee74

There's always the danger that a sober buddy might go back to their old life - thats why I recommend having lots of sober buddies

I hope your friend will find her way again

D

andyh

sorry to hear that ikklegoth

I think it's only natural to feel a little let down & abandoned when a friend has a lapse/relapse. if the two of you were working on something together & suddenly the other person's commitment slips, then you're going to be disappointed, be it sobriety you were working on, or something "normal".

since I came out of rehab in the summer, I've had about half of my rehab friends go back to either serial lapsing, or full-blown relapse, which has been difficult to see, but it hasn't put me off my own recovery.

I dare say she downplaying the lapse as a coping mechanism & in reality she's feeling pretty upset & ashamed. once she's had time to think about it, you may find she gets back on the sobriety bus again.

anyway, hang in there, it's not easy to see a friend struggling, but you're doing really well

ScottFromWI

Yep, you can only control your own actions unfortunately, Scared. You have lots of friends you can fall back on here on SR remember! Hopefully your friend gets back on track soon too, you can certainly be a resource for them if they are ready. Remember that they have to be ready though...there's nothing you can do to "make" them quit again, and there's also nothing you are responsible for in their recent drinking.

anxiousrock

Don’t rely on just having one sober buddy. Holidays it’s hard not to drink. They probably need more support than ever right now.

scaredikklegoth

I'm a total introvert and most of my old friends I've either lost contact with or they were drinking buddies that I am avoiding. I spend most of my time with my partner.

I really don't judge her and I know she will need support which I will continue to offer her. But you're right, I do need more sober friends IRL. This place has been great though. She doesn't want to join any sort of online support forum unfortunately which is a shame as I think it might help her. But, you can't lead a horse etc.

anxiousrock

I actually have 0 sober friends.
I have horrible social anxiety so going to meetings takes all I have, let alone getting to know people there.
I am a young woman and I find that mostly older men go to the meetings here.
Tonight it was myself and about 8 men at least 30 years older than me.
Hard to make friends, so I know how you feel.

scaredikklegoth

I don't think I'd like to be the only young woman at a meeting either so I completely understand how you feel. I'm quite an anxious person too (I suspect many of us are) so I struggle with making new friends and keeping in touch as I do the whole 'oh I don't want to bother them' thing.

calvinm16

In the end your abstinence and sobriety is up to you. I relapsed because I was tired of others expectations, the expectations of others and my own introspection on sobriety ended up causing me to collapse and give in.

If you think you should not drink for x reason(s) then use x reason(s) to not drink. Never let someone else's mistakes or choices influence your own well being and the well being of those around you.

Thanks for sharing. I hope your friend finds sobriety if that's what's right for them.

scaredikklegoth

Just a quick update. She's still drinking and has said she's finding it much harder to quit again. I'm sorry that she's struggling and I hope I don't have to go through a relapse because it seems to make the whole process even worse.

LateBloominCait

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I have relapsed before and it really is harder to stop after. But it is not impossible. I hope she gets the desire to stop again soon, before there are major consequences.

How are you doing though? It is admirable that you care so much about her, but don't forget to protect yourself. Sending you lots of love.

scaredikklegoth

I'm ok, thank you It's still not easy but I'm getting there. How are you?

SoberLeigh

I am very sorry to hear about your friend and hope that she quickly finds her way back to sobriety.

Please take very good care of yourself, le'goth. You are the most important variable in this equation!

NYCDoglvr

Bravo for you for reaching out for help! While I know "feelings aren't facts" I've also gone through that. It led me to broadening my support in the program and being a lifeline to others who need help.

Anna

I'm sorry that your support friend dropped out, but it sounds like you're doing great.