The barriers to sobriety
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy 
there seems to be a lot of that around here, the cart before the horse mentality. People rationalizing drinking because they aren't "fixed" yet, as if fixing all the problems will make quitting easier. Quitting isn't easy period, no matter how much you think you've got your **** together.
Quitting is hard for the mentally ill, it's hard for the poor, it's hard for the rich, its hard for successful people, for people with no support and people with tons. It's just hard. Once you're addicted there is just a storm to go through at first and it's an equal opportunity storm, sort of like mother nature, it happens no matter where you are in life.
Only way out is through. If you want to go out in liver failure, accidents, suicide and loss of everything important, stay drunk. Some people clearly make that choice. That's why drunks go out like that. There was never a right time to quit. If people want to do that it is their choice, but coming here and making the statement that they can't quit because of xyz is dishonest. People are not unable to quit, they are simply making the choice to drink.
Quitting is hard for the mentally ill, it's hard for the poor, it's hard for the rich, its hard for successful people, for people with no support and people with tons. It's just hard. Once you're addicted there is just a storm to go through at first and it's an equal opportunity storm, sort of like mother nature, it happens no matter where you are in life.
Only way out is through. If you want to go out in liver failure, accidents, suicide and loss of everything important, stay drunk. Some people clearly make that choice. That's why drunks go out like that. There was never a right time to quit. If people want to do that it is their choice, but coming here and making the statement that they can't quit because of xyz is dishonest. People are not unable to quit, they are simply making the choice to drink.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by Cappy76
What do you mean reasons?
Excuses to drink - I am depressed, my boss got mad at me, my friend cancelled our lunch plans, I had a fight with my husband, I am mad, I am happy, I am bored, it's Tuesday......
All of my "reasons" to drink were really just excuses.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Cappy76
Society itself is a barrier the opinion and discrimination of addicts.
Getting sober is a choice and if you really want it, nothing can stop you from achieving it. Each and every person on the face of the planet has what it takes right inside them to quit and stay quit, regardless of where they live or what they do. You need only look as far as this forum, or others like it, for proof.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Vulcan I think it all boils down to fear. Fear of sobriety. All the rationalization in the world won't help you get and stay sober. You just have to face it head on and experience it for yourself in order to make it work. Everything changes when the alcohol stops. The fear go's away. Life begins.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
There are barriers to everything in life. Using "society" or the alcohol industry, or "the media", or stress or whatever else we can come up with as an excuse to not quit drinking is just that though - an excuse.
Getting sober is a choice and if you really want it, nothing can stop you from achieving it. Each and every person on the face of the planet has what it takes right inside them to quit and stay quit, regardless of where they live or what they do. You need only look as far as this forum, or others like it, for proof.
Getting sober is a choice and if you really want it, nothing can stop you from achieving it. Each and every person on the face of the planet has what it takes right inside them to quit and stay quit, regardless of where they live or what they do. You need only look as far as this forum, or others like it, for proof.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Hi Vulcan, I actually read your post before making my own and your reasoning is verrry similar to mine before I quit. So this has been my experience..
Most people would tell you to avoid bars and pubs like the plague but I'd actually give the opposite advice if that's a major concern.. go ahead and try it, exposure therapy.. because yes it's inevitable you'll wind up in some sort of triggering environment eventually.
So go to a bar with your friends and tell them you're not drinking.. if they're still trying to shove drinks down your throat after you've explained it's literally bad for your health they're probably not your real friends and/or they have their own problems you can't help them with. Or alone and just order food.. yeah it'll probably be really uncomfortable but by the time you walk out of there after successfully not ordering a drink you'll feel much more confident in your ability to stay sober.
Coping with boredom and loneliness is hard but once you stop drinking you realize that huge void you've been filing with alcohol is now an open space for you to explore more fulfilling and substantial things. Although it takes time there's no way around that.
About cravings.. I can't speak for anyone else but for me it's like flipping a switch, most of the time I don't even think about it but when I do it can be intense. I've just had to learn to recognize that feeling and sit through the discomfort, and I've found it usually goes away as quickly as it comes on so no my life is not a constant battle against it.
Most people would tell you to avoid bars and pubs like the plague but I'd actually give the opposite advice if that's a major concern.. go ahead and try it, exposure therapy.. because yes it's inevitable you'll wind up in some sort of triggering environment eventually.
So go to a bar with your friends and tell them you're not drinking.. if they're still trying to shove drinks down your throat after you've explained it's literally bad for your health they're probably not your real friends and/or they have their own problems you can't help them with. Or alone and just order food.. yeah it'll probably be really uncomfortable but by the time you walk out of there after successfully not ordering a drink you'll feel much more confident in your ability to stay sober.
Coping with boredom and loneliness is hard but once you stop drinking you realize that huge void you've been filing with alcohol is now an open space for you to explore more fulfilling and substantial things. Although it takes time there's no way around that.
About cravings.. I can't speak for anyone else but for me it's like flipping a switch, most of the time I don't even think about it but when I do it can be intense. I've just had to learn to recognize that feeling and sit through the discomfort, and I've found it usually goes away as quickly as it comes on so no my life is not a constant battle against it.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
As a recovered alcoholic I won’t advise you on this, but I will share my experience on each point:
[QUOTE=vulcan30;6726369]
People might be ambivalent because they may also see costs in stopping drinking. Common fears might include;
That has been my experience.
[QUOTE=vulcan30;6726369]
People might be ambivalent because they may also see costs in stopping drinking. Common fears might include;
- How wil I cope with bars, pubs and party's and not feeling like I'm being deprived Fine
- What will I do if I can't go to pubs and bars, I don't want to be a hermit & have no social life. [COLOR="Lime"]I can go anywhere I please[COLOR="lime"]
- Will I lose friends? Will people think I'm boring? How will I explain to friendsno, no and with honesty.
- How will I cope with boredom and loneliness?There will not be enough hours in the day
- Will life without drinking be a constant battle against cravings?No, the problem has been completely removed
That has been my experience.
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