fish19

Hello, This is my 1st post, been lurking for a while. I have been sober 79th day today. The last few days I have been extremely angry. (so mad i punched the stereo and broke it) . I have not had any real moments of happiness in my sober time , I am either mad,bored and anxious, or just feel dull. I have started to have a few drinking dreams , and been thinking about drinking alot . Most of my thoughts are about drinking when i go camping and fishing, its like i'm setting myself up to drink come spring time. Thanks for listening.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR fish and congrats on 79 days sober. Out of curiosity, have you been following any kind of recovery program or doing anything to actively address your addiction/anger issues? Quitting drinking is a great first step for those of us who have a problem with alcohol, but it doesn't necessarily solve our other problems. It does give us the chance to address them though.

Being "bored" is mainly a state of mind too - regardless of alcohol. Here's a great read if you are looking for something to do. I find that there are many more possibilities after I quit than before.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ething-do.html (Looking For Something To Do?)

fish19

Hey, Scott no i have no real plan, I always drank for fun . I never really thought i was using alcohol to solve my problems. I have been drinking since i was 17 , and drinking daily for the last 12 years.

ScottFromWI

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, in most cases it makes them worse actually. Many of us did drink to try and avoid/escape our problems though. I know I did - and I did it for the better part of about 25 years plus, I was a daily drinker for many of them too.

Once we quit drinking, those problems do flare up though. For example, if you have anger issues enough to cause physical violence - even against an inanimate object, that's probably something you need to consider getting some help for, right?

joandmelandhan

fish it's almost uncanny that 2 month mark. In my experience it marks a peak of emotion and crazy thoughts (and for me yes acute anger). Might be something to do with learning how to cope with feelings (negative and positive) without the dreaded booze.
Just keep going and dig deep if the dreaded addiction tries to convince you that this new sober life isn't for you. That sneaky liar will try anything to drag you back.....
Oh and it absolutely does get better but it does take time sadly.
Take care and keep posting. Great to meet you!

DarklingSong

Welcome to SR Fish. Yes, I think its very common to have strong emotions in the first few months of sobriety. I thought I would hit someone many times and I am pretty docile by nature! It does level out for sure. Without alcohol to dull the emotions everything is felt more intensely for some time. Even boredom has an unbearable quality. I felt I would jump out of my skin......

A word of warning from a recent relapser- playing with the idea of drinking at certain times opens the door to your AV- the addicted part of your brain seeking its pleasure. Its really important to tackle that thinking because it leads you slowly into relapse (in my experience). Remember drinking won't calm your anger, it will make things much worse in the long run.
Certain activities strongly linked to drinking (Friday nights/camping/watching sports) will all activate the AV. Your brain has to 'unlearn' those associations through repeated new experiences i.e. not drinking while doing them. Not easy at all, but definitely possible. It took me at least 3 months to break some of these habitual associations. Understanding why it was happening (the AV shouting to drink) really helped me. There are some very experienced members here concerning AVRT - a method to recognise and manage the addictive voice -who I am sure will be able to give you lots of advice.
Best wishes on your recovery and keep posting!

NYCDoglvr

I couldn't have replaced drinking with nothing and went to AA. No, I didn't want to, hated the idea, but it saved my life. I suggest finding a program and getting involved.

fish19

Thanks for the replies. I am still having a hard time getting motivated to do much, I figured i would have had energy to burn by now.

calvinm16

I can relate to how you're feeling. I'm 132 days in and around the period your at I was VERY DULL and anxious. More so than when I was on/off booze for short periods of time. Our brains have to re-wire and according to 2+ year recovered people it does get better. I wish you luck in these hard times. It's no fun!

scaredikklegoth

I'm 121 days sober and I'm still struggling emotionally, especially with boredom and emotional intensity. Unfortunately, I think it takes a lot longer for us to feel better than we think it should. But, if you ask any of the people here who have been sober for years, it's most definitely worth it.

I also drank to numb myself and in an attempt to self medicate for various issues. It just made things worse, a lot more so than I realised for too long. It's not the answer; the AV is a liar.

Stayingsassy

95 days sober and it sucks! Read your title "angry, bored, dull ," thought yep, yep, yep. Its a crappy time in sobriety. No way out but through and drinking again just means the next time you quit you have to deal with it again in months 2-5 so might as well just finish it now and get through the yucky early months. Does it help to know you're not alone?

slangking

I was about to post a thread with same issue.

I'm very boring and miserable without a drink, if some asks me something I give two or three word answers to everything. I have no personality at all. It's getting **** being sober to be honest, I have no one to talk to as well except for on here. 11 months sober is quite good tho. Never want to go back to drinking now I have come so far.

Stayingsassy

Drinking is not an option so The first year is about learning how to make life better without it, if we think we immediately will know how to do that we are deluding ourselves. It takes time.

fish19

A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean. I have never heard that before ,makes a lot of sense .I'll just keep plugging along. Thanks

Eaglelizard

Hi fish, yeah that magical energy boost didn't kick in for me until about 4 months, but it felt good when it finally did.

August252015

Hi Fish- glad you posted.

I echo what Scott said in particular. You don't have to white knuckle it, which it sounds like you're doing by going it solo.

A plan of action - mine is AA- has been the critical factor after my decision to quit. The evolution and improvement of my feelings, thoughts, actions (energy!) and truthfully, everything, certainly took (takes) time....and it's absolutely possible to keep healing and getting better if we don't drink.

I hope you find a program and IRL support, in addition to us, to get you past this particular funk and on the path to a good life in recovery.

Jules714

Restless, irriatable and discontent.
It's a thing. AA talks about it. Perhaps dip a toe in?
You dont have to live like that.
GL,
Jules

FindingMyNext

I was angry, bored, dull-- and also resentful, frustrated, lonely, terrified, exhausted, achy, frightened, and I snapped at everyone. I learned the art of biting my tongue because saying nothing was better than saying something unkind (and I'm talking about situations at work, at home, in my own mind; all the situations, actually).

Hang in there. Things started to get better for me after three months, and have improved incrementally every day since.

tomsteve

whether or not you drank to solve your problem, now ya have problems that need a solution. that make the difference between being sober and in recovery.
there are solutions.
from a former rageaholic

Dee74

hows it going fish?
D