DarklingSong

I didn't make it through the holidays. I have drank the last 5 evenings. It has taken all my courage to post this. Reading others posts who have got through it I feel like a complete idiot. I did think the drinking would bring some temporary relief (from stress, pressure etc.). It didn't - just hope I can learn from this. This relapse was waiting to happen.....I wasn't doing anything to change my life and eventually I just wanted some 'release'. Hoping tomorrow is my new day 1. Worried about the withdrawal but hoping I can do it. Hope everyone else got through O.K.

DS

theVman31

It's only temporary DS.
We know you can do it.
So what do you have to add to your plan and method ?

Drink loads of water.
Get vitamins in to you too.

We are all proud of you for posting this message.

Welcome back.

2muchpain

I think it takes a lot of courage for anybody to admit they relapsed here. You should give yourself a lot of credit for doing that. John

scaredikklegoth

Sometimes we slip. It's hard doing this and sometimes we screw up. But as others have said, figure out what went wrong and go from there. Well done for being honest and for trying again.

DarklingSong

Thank you so much for the support and kindness. It has brought me to tears.
I am shocked just how quickly the addiction took hold. Once I started I was afraid to stop.....makes no sense.
Honestly don't know how I am going to make the necessary changes to my life. Hopefully I can start to figure it out when I get through the next few days sober. Right now I am back to one hour at a time.

calvinm16

Thank you for sharing this, trust me you're not exactly alone I was very close to relapse today. This time of year can be extremely stressful and quite frankly seem impossible to resist falling off the wagon, or just merely letting go and going face first intentionally.

Like you said, take it an hour at a time. No one should dare judge you for a slip up, the good thing is you're willing to accept you have a problem and now you've truly realized you can't just have one like you probably thought the initial relapse.

I don't want to have to prove that to myself anymore, I know I can't just have one and I know I have a problem with alcohol that extends beyond just enjoying the flavor or relaxation. I know that drinking here and there like before will turn into a daily obsession wanting a drink. I'm sick of being sick as are many of us.

We're here to chat or just simply try and relate with you. I hope you have a great rest of your holidays and you can start your sobriety whenever you chose, just make sure you don't wait too long.

soberinct

Holidays can be tough, I relapsed on Thanksgiving weekend. Try to plan ahead for New Year's, or the next holiday/special event and think about what you will do differently to prevent relapse. It takes a lot of courage to admit you relapsed, so good for you for posting here!

Hevyn

DS - I once had 3 yrs. & decided to have a few over the holidays. It took me years to get back on track - years. No, I didn't find the relief from anxiety and stress that I'd hoped for - but that didn't stop me. That's when I found SR. So you're wiser than I was - you came here to talk about it and are now ready to get back to business. Be proud of yourself. You learned something valuable.

tiffanyeagle

welcome back. you never have to feel like this again.

take b complex vitamins, tea juice and rest. you can get clean and sober again. lots of hot showers

welcome back. i know where you are. i've been there and it sucks and you reminded me with your post that I don't want to go back.

love and light,
tiff

Stronger2017

Sorry to hear you drank DS. I romanticized the drink before my relapse a few years back. It took ages to properly recommit. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Use all the tools at your disposal to get right back on track.

Dee74

I'm glad you posted DS

It's hard to stop once we start but it only gets harder the longer we sty drinking. I really hope you decide to make today day 1.

D

Hawkeye13

NYCDoglvr

You're in a safe place with people who completely relate. Keep coming back.

Ken33xx

It takes what it takes. Took me years to realize that perhaps having a few drinks before work wasn't a good idea.

And while it might seem obvious to others until I could actually see this I continued drinking.

I was always remorseful, always embarrassed and always back to the bottle.

Mtphc

Life happens, I've been sober for a while now, and have thought about drinking these past days, but I'm like no freaking way man, I just start thinking about how I'm going to feel the following day and it's just not worth it. You now the deep depression, anxiety, and just that craving to drink again. No thanks.

wildflower70

Hi DS,
I didn't make it either. I feel shameful and alone. Everyone is posting their success stories, and here we are posting our failure. Let's make 2018 a new chapter, a new beginning. I don't have the answers, but I have the time.
Hugs to you, your not alone.

waynetheking

Your better than this disease. You know it's a dead end street. It will only get worse if you continue. Sometimes in order to hit bottom we have to through hell first. Relasap happens. It's sucks but so be it. We're all glad your back here wanting to try again.
You said maybe in a couple of days you'll get this figured out. Well guess what, you don't have to figure it out in a couple of days. Just don't drink one day at a time and your answer will come later. It's that simple. Just don't drink today.
Hang in there. Hold your head up high. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have a disease and your determined to beat it. That's what is important. Your determined.

Sohard

You are not a "failure". You can decide right now you are sober. Then you are a success!

Stayingsassy

I'm sorry you relapsed, darkling. Good to come back here and post. As you found out, it wasn't worth it. Hope you can make your day one today.

DarklingSong

I am so grateful to all of you for the support.I am desperate to stop and make this Day 1. Such huge wisdom and generosity here on SR, I am truly thankful to be here.

I have had bad withdrawals before, with signs of kindling. I am hoping this isn't going to get scary. So far I am O.K. It is about 18 hours since I last drank. I am really, really angry at myself for doing this again. I made a decision to drink.....it wasn't just an impulse.

The relapse had one good part- the half hour between deciding to drink and actually drinking. The anticipation of letting go of control, and not struggling anymore was euphoric. As soon as I drank, even the first drink, I started to feel wretched, weak and fearful. I kept going to just try and stop feeling anything at all. Then I kept drinking because I started to fear withdrawal. It became progressively painful to drink....I has this complete cognitive dissonance and no matter how much I drank it all just felt wrong.