relapse
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Originally Posted by wildflower70 
Hi DS,
I didn't make it either. I feel shameful and alone. Everyone is posting their success stories, and here we are posting our failure. Let's make 2018 a new chapter, a new beginning. I don't have the answers, but I have the time.
Hugs to you, your not alone.
I didn't make it either. I feel shameful and alone. Everyone is posting their success stories, and here we are posting our failure. Let's make 2018 a new chapter, a new beginning. I don't have the answers, but I have the time.
Hugs to you, your not alone.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Originally Posted by DarklingSong
I am so grateful to all of you for the support.I am desperate to stop and make this Day 1. Such huge wisdom and generosity here on SR, I am truly thankful to be here.
I have had bad withdrawals before, with signs of kindling. I am hoping this isn't going to get scary. So far I am O.K. It is about 18 hours since I last drank. I am really, really angry at myself for doing this again. I made a decision to drink.....it wasn't just an impulse.
The relapse had one good part- the half hour between deciding to drink and actually drinking. The anticipation of letting go of control, and not struggling anymore was euphoric. As soon as I drank, even the first drink, I started to feel wretched, weak and fearful. I kept going to just try and stop feeling anything at all. Then I kept drinking because I started to fear withdrawal. It became progressively painful to drink....I has this complete cognitive dissonance and no matter how much I drank it all just felt wrong.
I have had bad withdrawals before, with signs of kindling. I am hoping this isn't going to get scary. So far I am O.K. It is about 18 hours since I last drank. I am really, really angry at myself for doing this again. I made a decision to drink.....it wasn't just an impulse.
The relapse had one good part- the half hour between deciding to drink and actually drinking. The anticipation of letting go of control, and not struggling anymore was euphoric. As soon as I drank, even the first drink, I started to feel wretched, weak and fearful. I kept going to just try and stop feeling anything at all. Then I kept drinking because I started to fear withdrawal. It became progressively painful to drink....I has this complete cognitive dissonance and no matter how much I drank it all just felt wrong.
It takes strength and courage to come on here and admit what happened and to take a stand and work on making changes to ourselves, so don't beat yourself up too much. The biggest lessons are often the hardest ones to learn, right? You deserve a life free from addiction and all the shame that comes with it, you can do this.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by DarklingSong
Thank you Wildflower for reaching out. Hope we can get through this. At least we are both here on SR......
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Originally Posted by zenchaser
Yeah, it's never the way we think it will be is it? Well, now you know, drinking is still lame and still not a part of who you want to be. Learn from this experience, you've already figured out that it was the anticipation of the drink that excited you but that the reality was that drinking actually made you feel weak and afraid. I would wager that before you made the decision to drink you'd been internally arguing against your AV for some time and that this episode had been building for awhile. Remember that you are in control of your body, and while you can't control all of your thoughts you can control which ones to respect and obey. Keep going, don't let this deter you. Your AV will use this against you as an example of how incapable you are, but that's not true, every single one of us on here has been where you are. If you feel you are in danger of drinking again come on here first and expose your AV for the liar it is.
It takes strength and courage to come on here and admit what happened and to take a stand and work on making changes to ourselves, so don't beat yourself up too much. The biggest lessons are often the hardest ones to learn, right? You deserve a life free from addiction and all the shame that comes with it, you can do this.
It takes strength and courage to come on here and admit what happened and to take a stand and work on making changes to ourselves, so don't beat yourself up too much. The biggest lessons are often the hardest ones to learn, right? You deserve a life free from addiction and all the shame that comes with it, you can do this.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Originally Posted by FormerBeerLover
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on that recovery horse!
That said, it helps to have a solid recovery plan in place. Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
That said, it helps to have a solid recovery plan in place. Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Well made it 24 hours since my last drink. Coming to the end of Day 1. Very glad I have stopped. I have picked myself up anyway even if I am not quite back on the horse!
If it wasn't for the folks here at SR I wouldn't have been able to stop. I am so, so grateful. Going to start working on a plan tomorrow and read more about AVRT.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 323
Originally Posted by DarklingSong
Thank you.....
Well made it 24 hours since my last drink. Coming to the end of Day 1. Very glad I have stopped. I have picked myself up anyway even if I am not quite back on the horse!
If it wasn't for the folks here at SR I wouldn't have been able to stop. I am so, so grateful. Going to start working on a plan tomorrow and read more about AVRT.
Well made it 24 hours since my last drink. Coming to the end of Day 1. Very glad I have stopped. I have picked myself up anyway even if I am not quite back on the horse!
If it wasn't for the folks here at SR I wouldn't have been able to stop. I am so, so grateful. Going to start working on a plan tomorrow and read more about AVRT.
I know you can do this, we all can
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 157
Hi DS,
Well done on day 1. I’m on day 10 after 5 months sober. I felt so ashamed last week, was thinking ‘this is me I can’t change I might as well just drink.’
Posted on here and had a load of encouraging replies. So many people on here know what your going through and how you feel.
I can relate to everything you say. The euphoric feeling you describe. Also planning to drink. I started with one pint of weak lager and lemonade. That’s all I had that night but I was already planning on drinking the following Saturday. I set a limit but went over it but felt ok. Again I was planning the next weeks drinking.
Following Saturday complete loss of control black out and everything. Next day shaking and vomiting.
10 days ago moderate binge but the next few days were absolute hell. The brain fog returned big time.
Thanks for coming back as reading your post has really helped me tonight. Going to make sure I keep the AV under control and not make the same mistake I described above.
Well done on day 1. I’m on day 10 after 5 months sober. I felt so ashamed last week, was thinking ‘this is me I can’t change I might as well just drink.’
Posted on here and had a load of encouraging replies. So many people on here know what your going through and how you feel.
I can relate to everything you say. The euphoric feeling you describe. Also planning to drink. I started with one pint of weak lager and lemonade. That’s all I had that night but I was already planning on drinking the following Saturday. I set a limit but went over it but felt ok. Again I was planning the next weeks drinking.
Following Saturday complete loss of control black out and everything. Next day shaking and vomiting.
10 days ago moderate binge but the next few days were absolute hell. The brain fog returned big time.
Thanks for coming back as reading your post has really helped me tonight. Going to make sure I keep the AV under control and not make the same mistake I described above.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Originally Posted by Quit290117
Hi DS,
Well done on day 1. I’m on day 10 after 5 months sober. I felt so ashamed last week, was thinking ‘this is me I can’t change I might as well just drink.’
Posted on here and had a load of encouraging replies. So many people on here know what your going through and how you feel.
I can relate to everything you say. The euphoric feeling you describe. Also planning to drink. I started with one pint of weak lager and lemonade. That’s all I had that night but I was already planning on drinking the following Saturday. I set a limit but went over it but felt ok. Again I was planning the next weeks drinking.
Following Saturday complete loss of control black out and everything. Next day shaking and vomiting.
10 days ago moderate binge but the next few days were absolute hell. The brain fog returned big time.
Thanks for coming back as reading your post has really helped me tonight. Going to make sure I keep the AV under control and not make the same mistake I described above.
Well done on day 1. I’m on day 10 after 5 months sober. I felt so ashamed last week, was thinking ‘this is me I can’t change I might as well just drink.’
Posted on here and had a load of encouraging replies. So many people on here know what your going through and how you feel.
I can relate to everything you say. The euphoric feeling you describe. Also planning to drink. I started with one pint of weak lager and lemonade. That’s all I had that night but I was already planning on drinking the following Saturday. I set a limit but went over it but felt ok. Again I was planning the next weeks drinking.
Following Saturday complete loss of control black out and everything. Next day shaking and vomiting.
10 days ago moderate binge but the next few days were absolute hell. The brain fog returned big time.
Thanks for coming back as reading your post has really helped me tonight. Going to make sure I keep the AV under control and not make the same mistake I described above.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Plymouth, MI
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by DarklingSong
Thank you so much for the support and kindness. It has brought me to tears.
I am shocked just how quickly the addiction took hold. Once I started I was afraid to stop.....makes no sense.
Honestly don't know how I am going to make the necessary changes to my life. Hopefully I can start to figure it out when I get through the next few days sober. Right now I am back to one hour at a time.
I am shocked just how quickly the addiction took hold. Once I started I was afraid to stop.....makes no sense.
Honestly don't know how I am going to make the necessary changes to my life. Hopefully I can start to figure it out when I get through the next few days sober. Right now I am back to one hour at a time.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Yes, it felt wrong. It was wrong. You made a conscious decision to drink and wreck havoc with your mind and body. Then you physically couldn't stop once you started. So don't beat yourself up over this. Guilt will not keep you from drinking again. A strong plan of action will. A support group will. Positive action will. Don't feel bad about relasap. It happens. It's a disease. It's a bastard. Just keep moving forward DS. Thats the important thing. Keep trying. Just get a plan and work it this time. After time, new habits set in. The cravings eventually subside. It gets easier and better.
Hang in there. We're here for ya.
Hang in there. We're here for ya.
Changing
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: NJ
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by waynetheking
Hang in there. Hold your head up high. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have a disease and your determined to beat it. That's what is important. Your determined.
:e025 :
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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I am on Day 7 August, thank you. I am grateful that it was possible to stop. I still struggle to fully accept that I cannot drink ever again......but, I can do it one day at a time, so thats got to be my focus for today. The relapse numbed my emotions so I am feeling everything again in full force. I don't like this at all, but I accept I have to learn to live with it. I often read your posts and admire greatly how you have recovered.
DS
DS
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