Day 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1
Day 2
Hello, new here.
I detoxed in a facility years ago and was sober for a little over two years.
I fell off the wagon gradually but was soon drinking more than I ever had before. For the past year I have been quitting and falling off, the longest I have been completely sober has been three weeks. Usually I am good during the week but will binge all weekend long. So, I had been doing that for a while but several violent things happened to me this year and they all caused me to fall off for two-ish weeks. Like, drinking all day fall off. Each time I quit again. A couple of weeks ago something else happened and I fell off again for two weeks. I have relatively severe PTSD that I have borrowed money from a family member to treat before but I can't ask again.
I feel so anxious and like I'm coming unglued. I have been crying all day and feel generally crappy. I can't afford to go anywhere. So I'm white-knuckling it again. I made a list of strategies to run through and am trying to go through a workbook on mindfulness. Trying to focus on what my body/mind is doing (so far I'm just sweaty and anxious).
I feel so alone and like a throw away person. This might not be the place to bring this--you don't know me, and I haven't even lurked here before. I just needed to get it out in some way.
I detoxed in a facility years ago and was sober for a little over two years.
I fell off the wagon gradually but was soon drinking more than I ever had before. For the past year I have been quitting and falling off, the longest I have been completely sober has been three weeks. Usually I am good during the week but will binge all weekend long. So, I had been doing that for a while but several violent things happened to me this year and they all caused me to fall off for two-ish weeks. Like, drinking all day fall off. Each time I quit again. A couple of weeks ago something else happened and I fell off again for two weeks. I have relatively severe PTSD that I have borrowed money from a family member to treat before but I can't ask again.
I feel so anxious and like I'm coming unglued. I have been crying all day and feel generally crappy. I can't afford to go anywhere. So I'm white-knuckling it again. I made a list of strategies to run through and am trying to go through a workbook on mindfulness. Trying to focus on what my body/mind is doing (so far I'm just sweaty and anxious).
I feel so alone and like a throw away person. This might not be the place to bring this--you don't know me, and I haven't even lurked here before. I just needed to get it out in some way.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hey katkat,
glad to see you're reaching out, and this is very much exactly the right place to bring this.
welcome to you.
you are not a throwaway person, nor do you need to be alone. lots of us here, and lots of different ways people are finding and using to get and stay clean and sober.
as it sounds you have found out, white knuckling only can take you so far and then collapses.
read around here and you can find all kinds of "long-term plans".
way to go on showing up!
glad to see you're reaching out, and this is very much exactly the right place to bring this.
welcome to you.
you are not a throwaway person, nor do you need to be alone. lots of us here, and lots of different ways people are finding and using to get and stay clean and sober.
as it sounds you have found out, white knuckling only can take you so far and then collapses.
read around here and you can find all kinds of "long-term plans".
way to go on showing up!
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Hi KatKat (its the like the opposite of the KitKat ? )
Anyways your not a throw away person your a legend for typing what you did.
Your on the good path and sooner or later your going to manage to stay on it.
Wow you had two years sober, you have stuff to teach me !
Keep coming back to SR.
The folks here, well....
They are legend.
Take care.
Im Vinny an alcohic trying to beat it.
Married one daughter nearly 5 years old.
Ups and downs but never giving up.
V.
Anyways your not a throw away person your a legend for typing what you did.
Your on the good path and sooner or later your going to manage to stay on it.
Wow you had two years sober, you have stuff to teach me !
Keep coming back to SR.
The folks here, well....
They are legend.
Take care.
Im Vinny an alcohic trying to beat it.
Married one daughter nearly 5 years old.
Ups and downs but never giving up.
V.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Katkat, and you are definitely in the right place. No one is a "throw away" person...you just have an issue with alcohol - and so do all the rest of us. No shame in that whatsoever, in fact coming here shows exactly the opposite - that you are taking responsibility and seeking a solution.
What kind of strategies are you exploring? You'll find a lot of folks here from all different walks of life and different recovery strategies/programs. Hope you can stick around and join us for conversations.
The anxiety is definitely a common thing too, especially in early recovery. Our minds need time to adjust and kind of go into "overdrive" for a while. It's not comfortable to be sure but it is definitely temporary.
What kind of strategies are you exploring? You'll find a lot of folks here from all different walks of life and different recovery strategies/programs. Hope you can stick around and join us for conversations.
The anxiety is definitely a common thing too, especially in early recovery. Our minds need time to adjust and kind of go into "overdrive" for a while. It's not comfortable to be sure but it is definitely temporary.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Welcome, Katkat!
You have found a great place for support and encouragement. You are not a throw-away person and you deserve a good life. The anxiety you're feeling is common in early recovery and hopefully you will feel better as time goes by.
I hope you take a look around the boards and you will see you are not alone. You will find lots of tips and thoughts on recovery.
You have found a great place for support and encouragement. You are not a throw-away person and you deserve a good life. The anxiety you're feeling is common in early recovery and hopefully you will feel better as time goes by.
I hope you take a look around the boards and you will see you are not alone. You will find lots of tips and thoughts on recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Hi katkat. Your life has worth and meaning. I know the feelings you are having. They will subside with continued sobriety and then you will have the confidence and strength to figure out how you really want to live your life.
Stay close, post plenty, this is where you belong.
Stay close, post plenty, this is where you belong.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
Hi and welcome Katkat 
drinking totally stole my self esteem and left me in despair.
This place helped me get my self esteem back and to turn things around. I don't think it's ever too late to do that
Look forward to seeing you around some more
D
drinking totally stole my self esteem and left me in despair.
This place helped me get my self esteem back and to turn things around. I don't think it's ever too late to do that
Look forward to seeing you around some more
D
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
You've done before and you can do it again. Right now your bummed out because alcoholism is playing dirty with ya. Well you came here and now the disease is on the run. It's the first step. And your doing it. So come here tomorrow and don't drink for one day. We're here for ya,
Hi I'm Wayne.
Hi I'm Wayne.
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