steve-in-kville

Threads like this pop up often enough and I think I may have even started one or two over the years. Over the summer my wife and I switched churches. The one we were attending was a really bad fit: very judgmental, no chance at redemption, etc. Where we are at now fits us a lot better and I am accepted.

Anyways, we applied for membership and are being interviewed in another week or so and I had already hinted to the pastor that I struggled with addiction, yet I didn't disclose much beyond that. Turns out, this pastor struggled with some mental health issues in the past and we were able to connect on a few things.

So, should I just let well enough be? If they ask, I'll tell them more, but I don't want to make the mistake again of saying too much. I feel that at some point down the road that I could be asked to help someone else in the congregation that struggles with addiction, but I don't feel I am far enough along in my own sobriety to do so.

Any advice on this?

D122y

Steve,

I don't go to church much, but I pray all the time.

I don't talk about the depths of my personal addiction hell with anyone but folks here on SR.

Once that information is out in the real world, once it is said by me, there is no taking it back.

I admire your faith and found grounding in your post.

I haven't offered my unfiltered testimony to anyone yet. It is too crazy.

I have never been diagnosed as an alky by a Dr. It is not in my record anywhere.

I want to keep it that way.

Thanks.

entropy1964

Sounds like you've answered your own question. If 'telling all' has caused you problems in the past, why would you do it again? Even in places like AA I never 'tell all' or share too much in a group setting. And I never do so in the beginning with an individual. What purpose would that even serve? Besides, the past is the past.

Church, I'm assuming, is a place to deepen your connection with the God of your understanding. Tell him/her. That's all that matters, right?

Maudcat

Hi, Steve.
If I remember right, disclosing your struggle with alcohol led to some judgement in your other church, yes?
I hope your new church has a more progressive approach.
But I would keep it to myself.
But, then, I don’t talk about my sobriety with anyone outside of close friends, who knew me when, and some family.
It’s more that it’s a non issue for me at this point, kinda like telling people that I used to have brown hair, but now I don’t.
So that’s me.
Good luck with the interview and with your new church.

Fusion

Steve, follow your own intuition.

As an aside, I’m in the UK and anyone who wants to attend a church, of whatever, denomination, in my experience, just turns up and attends the church. Therefore, I find it really perplexing that your new church has an interview process, almost like a limited member ‘club’.

doggonecarl

Then you say, "No, I'm not in a position to help."

But that's future tripping. You aren't even a member yet. Your immediate concern is the upcoming interview. Safest bet? Don't volunteer anything. Answer the questions, concisely. Then stop talking. Answer the next question. Repeat.

Personally, I talk about my alcoholism and recovery. Who knows who I'll reach. But you do what you feel comfortable with.

ScottFromWI

Yep - don't overthink this. You've found a church that you like and that is important to you. As Carl mentioned you are "future tripping" many steps down the line and it will only cause additional anxiety for you.

steve-in-kville

That would be the short version, yes.

steve-in-kville

This sounds like good advice. I have a tendency to analyse things from every angle. You get burned enough in life, we all tend to do that!

steve-in-kville

We are part of an Anabaptist group (Brethren, Amish, Mennonite and such like). Membership of a church is a big deal in our area... even outside of those circles, church membership is a big deal. And yes, some groups tend to become more of a cult-like environment, or as you say, "club."

Its sad, as I do not think God ever intended it to be that way.

biminiblue

Why don't you ask the pastor for a list of the interview questions before you go?

Then prepare an answer for each one and like Carl said, don't elaborate. Churches don't have a "right" to quiz people too deeply. If they try that, I'm not sure that's a great church. You can always refuse to answer something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Jesus came for all sinners/all men. He walked among the very worst and died to reconcile ALL men to God.

What kind of stuff could possibly be relevant as far as knowing someone's past unless that person wanted help with some issue? I mean, hopefully that is the motivation behind the questions - to see where they might be of service to you and to find out where you want to be of service. It's still between you and God. All of it.

Fusion

I agree Steve, I don’t think God would want a church to become exclusive, probably quote the opposite. But, nonetheless, you have to work with the non God powers that be in the church you’ve applied to, if you want to become a member. With regard to your original question, it sounds as though you want to put the alcohol issue on the back burner, to build on your sobriety, and I applaud you in this regard

NYCDoglvr

Aside from the Pastor I wouldn't share with anyone. We tend to find each other naturally

tomsteve

So, should I just let well enough be?

what would God want you to do?
what it reads like is being more concerned about what people think of you then what God does- afraid of judgement from people and not the ultimate Judge.
i think theres something in the bible about being open about our past.

youre not that person any more- why worry about what others thinbk about your past.

saul of tarsus slayed christians in the name of christianity.
imagine what would have happened if he allowed his past to control him and not told his story and preached the Word