Lindajean68

Hi all. I'm new here. Decide to finally post something. I'm almost 15 months sober and very grateful. Have been active in AA.

My question...or current dilemma I guess...is that since I've been sober I've come to transfer the compulsive behavior to other things. If I'm not eating out of control, I'm spending like crazy. If I'm not spending compulsively, I want sex all the time...and on and on...

Any input??

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR LindaJean and congrats on 15 months sober!

Compulsive behavior and cross-addiction is very, very common. If you are in AA, working all the steps can be quite helpful in that area , have you spoken about this with your sponsor ( the other compulsions) by chance?

It's also quite possible that you have underlying issues to your addiction like anxiety, etc. Have you ever discussed this with a counselor by chance? I had some pretty serious anxiety issues that I did not address until about 2 years sober, and I wish I had done it much sooner. The act of quitting drinking certainly changes things for us and opens doors, but in itself it is not a cure for those other issues.

biminiblue

"Active in AA," are you working with a sponsor? Are you praying for relief from these obsessions? Like alcohol the way to quit is to work through it the same way.

It's common for addictive types to seek other pleasurable, dopamine-releasing activities. It's Whack-A-Mole sometimes.

AAPJ

I call this squeezing the balloon and I suffer this problem too. Think of the balloon as all of your problems/weaknesses. Squeezing the balloon in one area (not drinking) doesn't really solve the problem it just moves it to another area (shopping or gambling or overeating or sex etc.).

The trick is figuring out how to deflate the balloon. For me that means getting a more spiritual focus on my life. The 12 steps are a good place to start.

calvinm16

Congratulations on 15 months Linda.

I can relate with you. I've been "treating" myself the last 118 days whenever possible instead of drinking. Random spurts of having a serious sex drive or splurging on expensive items has been something I've done. Another issue is I kinda picked up cigarettes again when I quit drinking, this has caused me to crave alcohol even worse when I try to quit smoking. (facepalm)

I'm liking the feedback this is getting because it's helping give me some insight. I really do like the "squeezing the balloon" analogy that AAPJ has.

steve-in-kville

The sex thing appears to be different for everyone.... some people seem to really crave it after being sober, others loose their drive for a while. For me, sex took on another meaning, it was just different. Not sure how else to describe it on a public forum.

I chose fitness and exercise as an alternative. I always was a cyclist but I took up running and fastpacking. If you dedicate yourself to it, why would you want to ruin it by drinking? Worked for me anyways.

SnazzyDresser

To paraphrase my man Jay Z, I got 99 problems but drinking ain't one. I think they call that being alive.

NYCDoglvr

Completely normal. My first sponsor called it "trading up addictions". The alcoholic mind automatically tries to find something outside ourselves to obsess about. I suggest going to more meetings, calling your sponsor and doing the steps....they are designed to keep us sober.

Dee74

Hi and welcome LindaJean

I think all of us are capable of change if we work hard enough at it.

I know I was still very obsessive in my early years of recovery, I'm considerably less so now

If your compulsions are destructive tho, I think its imperative to address those as soon as possible - whether thats with a counsellor or your sponsor or something else is your call

D

scarly

That is all very normal..... Not that it doesn't need addressing...but very normal to have these other compulsions....

courage2

It's definitely normal. My sponsor used to say I had five trash cans and only 4 lids.

I suggest you think about 2 things:

• understanding the obsessiveness: what are you looking to 'get' through these compulsive behaviors? Are you selectively compulsive -- just destructive behaviors? Why? You could work on this through the AA program.
• choosing your outlets. All compulsive behaviors aren't equal. Some are healthy, some trivial, some destructive. By eliminating alcohol (and I hope not picking up drugs) you've knocked off worst. If you're picking up anything that's truly dangerous -- STOP IT! What fascination can you develop that will last and do you good?

Have fun!

steve-in-kville

Can I quote that on my sig line?? I like it!

SoberCAH

I think compulsive thinking and behavior is rather typical for recovering alcoholics and drug addicts.

I agree with Bimini that working with a sponsor through the 12 Steps and prayer are good antidotes for this type of thing and for other problems which vex us from time to time.

Lindajean68

Thanks all for the feedback. I do have a sponsor and am working through the steps. I realize that recently I have just been sort of doing the bare minimum....which just isn't good enough.