Day 2, again. And hurting, again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 147
Day 2, again. And hurting, again.
All of you must be really sick of me by now...
47 days and a 4 day slip; 7 days and then a 6 day slip. And that's just the latest two. Night before last I really started feeling bad, then put the almost-full glass of Scotch and water in the fridge and went to bed.
Got up yesterday morning (after four or five pee-breaks during the night), and felt really sore. Upper right side, middle stomach, left upper, you name it. Took my glass out of the fridge and was about to take a sip - yes, at around eight-thirty in the morning -but the smell almost made me sick. I put it back, thinking: later, when you feel better. Waste not want not, right?
Then around 10'ish, I tried again. This time just the sight of the the drink made me nauseous, and after a second, I poured the large high-ball glass's golden content down the sink.
A few hours later, the headache started. A dull throbbing inside the left rear of my skull, which grew worse the closer to bedtime it got. To bed at 10 with a throbbing skull and my chest and stomach seemingly filled with hot rocks. Sleep came at last, but only after a hell of a lot of reflection about the poor state my life is in; physically, relationship-wise, financially... Then the sweats and the frequent getting up to urinate, and the squeezing for minutes and the inability to empty my bladder; and still the throbbing in my head and the hurt in my chest and stomach and lower back.
And now it's day 2. The headache is still there (withdrawal), as well as my chest and stomach aches. It will get worse over the next two or three days, I know from past experience (plenty off it), but then it will start getting better, every day. Maybe this time I'll reach a hundred days, then maybe another hundred, and maybe by next Christmas I'll be able to say "One Year clean".
And hopefully, today, and tomorrow, and the days after, my body will (again) forgive me for the terribly hurt I so stupidly inflict on it. And repair itself, and give me (yet) another chance...
47 days and a 4 day slip; 7 days and then a 6 day slip. And that's just the latest two. Night before last I really started feeling bad, then put the almost-full glass of Scotch and water in the fridge and went to bed.
Got up yesterday morning (after four or five pee-breaks during the night), and felt really sore. Upper right side, middle stomach, left upper, you name it. Took my glass out of the fridge and was about to take a sip - yes, at around eight-thirty in the morning -but the smell almost made me sick. I put it back, thinking: later, when you feel better. Waste not want not, right?
Then around 10'ish, I tried again. This time just the sight of the the drink made me nauseous, and after a second, I poured the large high-ball glass's golden content down the sink.
A few hours later, the headache started. A dull throbbing inside the left rear of my skull, which grew worse the closer to bedtime it got. To bed at 10 with a throbbing skull and my chest and stomach seemingly filled with hot rocks. Sleep came at last, but only after a hell of a lot of reflection about the poor state my life is in; physically, relationship-wise, financially... Then the sweats and the frequent getting up to urinate, and the squeezing for minutes and the inability to empty my bladder; and still the throbbing in my head and the hurt in my chest and stomach and lower back.
And now it's day 2. The headache is still there (withdrawal), as well as my chest and stomach aches. It will get worse over the next two or three days, I know from past experience (plenty off it), but then it will start getting better, every day. Maybe this time I'll reach a hundred days, then maybe another hundred, and maybe by next Christmas I'll be able to say "One Year clean".
And hopefully, today, and tomorrow, and the days after, my body will (again) forgive me for the terribly hurt I so stupidly inflict on it. And repair itself, and give me (yet) another chance...
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Corriec,
Alot of us dont get it right on the fisrst or second go.
Personally I am sincere when I say I have been fighting and struggling over the last few years. Im 41. All the sober time adding up and bang.
I thought at one point I was just the king of relapses. Its not true.
We have to deprogramme ourselves.
I did notice breaks in the cycle, changes in the patterns.
Eventually, I think we will train our mind and head out of it.
At some point you will subconsciously know it will amount to nothing only more and worse misery turning to the bottle.
I think this is the direction i am taking anyway.
I tried will power for so long. Then I added groups.
Then I added some therapy. I was on lots of different meds over the years. Was seeing a specialist trained in addiction and alcoholism.
Then I tried chinese medicine.. and on and on...
Put tools in your sobriety toolbox.
When you dont give up you dont lose.
You have to want it real bad though.
Somebody often writes in posts " dont give up until the miracle happens"
I think of that often.
Take care,
V.
Alot of us dont get it right on the fisrst or second go.
Personally I am sincere when I say I have been fighting and struggling over the last few years. Im 41. All the sober time adding up and bang.
I thought at one point I was just the king of relapses. Its not true.
We have to deprogramme ourselves.
I did notice breaks in the cycle, changes in the patterns.
Eventually, I think we will train our mind and head out of it.
At some point you will subconsciously know it will amount to nothing only more and worse misery turning to the bottle.
I think this is the direction i am taking anyway.
I tried will power for so long. Then I added groups.
Then I added some therapy. I was on lots of different meds over the years. Was seeing a specialist trained in addiction and alcoholism.
Then I tried chinese medicine.. and on and on...
Put tools in your sobriety toolbox.
When you dont give up you dont lose.
You have to want it real bad though.
Somebody often writes in posts " dont give up until the miracle happens"
I think of that often.
Take care,
V.
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
corriec keep trying. I am not tired of reading your posts. They are not ones of poor me - they are ones of struggle and the will to succeed. Getting back up once again or the first time isn't fun. I have been through it so many times and hope this time is my one where it happens. I am certainly struggling to make it so. I was here long before this try and one of my big things that kept me in the cycle was feeling I didn't belong here because I was drinking or failing. I wish I would have just stayed and kept reading and posting, maybe I would be farther into sobriety by now. Sending good vibes to you today to feel better - hang in there 
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear that you are hurting Corriec. As Dee says, maybe it's time you get serious about forming a concrete recovery plan/program? I can't remember if you've ever tried face to face meetings or maybe even an outpatient rehab program? Those are just a couple of possible suggestions, of course there are others too.
The bottom line though is that your choices and your actions are the sole determining factor in whether you stay sober or not. No one can "fix" your problem for you, although we can definitely help you.
The bottom line though is that your choices and your actions are the sole determining factor in whether you stay sober or not. No one can "fix" your problem for you, although we can definitely help you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by corriec 
All of you must be really sick of me by now...
47 days and a 4 day slip; 7 days and then a 6 day slip. And that's just the latest two. Night before last I really started feeling bad, then put the almost-full glass of Scotch and water in the fridge and went to bed.
Got up yesterday morning (after four or five pee-breaks during the night), and felt really sore. Upper right side, middle stomach, left upper, you name it. Took my glass out of the fridge and was about to take a sip - yes, at around eight-thirty in the morning -but the smell almost made me sick. I put it back, thinking: later, when you feel better. Waste not want not, right?
Then around 10'ish, I tried again. This time just the sight of the the drink made me nauseous, and after a second, I poured the large high-ball glass's golden content down the sink.
A few hours later, the headache started. A dull throbbing inside the left rear of my skull, which grew worse the closer to bedtime it got. To bed at 10 with a throbbing skull and my chest and stomach seemingly filled with hot rocks. Sleep came at last, but only after a hell of a lot of reflection about the poor state my life is in; physically, relationship-wise, financially... Then the sweats and the frequent getting up to urinate, and the squeezing for minutes and the inability to empty my bladder; and still the throbbing in my head and the hurt in my chest and stomach and lower back.
And now it's day 2. The headache is still there (withdrawal), as well as my chest and stomach aches. It will get worse over the next two or three days, I know from past experience (plenty off it), but then it will start getting better, every day. Maybe this time I'll reach a hundred days, then maybe another hundred, and maybe by next Christmas I'll be able to say "One Year clean".
And hopefully, today, and tomorrow, and the days after, my body will (again) forgive me for the terribly hurt I so stupidly inflict on it. And repair itself, and give me (yet) another chance...
47 days and a 4 day slip; 7 days and then a 6 day slip. And that's just the latest two. Night before last I really started feeling bad, then put the almost-full glass of Scotch and water in the fridge and went to bed.
Got up yesterday morning (after four or five pee-breaks during the night), and felt really sore. Upper right side, middle stomach, left upper, you name it. Took my glass out of the fridge and was about to take a sip - yes, at around eight-thirty in the morning -but the smell almost made me sick. I put it back, thinking: later, when you feel better. Waste not want not, right?
Then around 10'ish, I tried again. This time just the sight of the the drink made me nauseous, and after a second, I poured the large high-ball glass's golden content down the sink.
A few hours later, the headache started. A dull throbbing inside the left rear of my skull, which grew worse the closer to bedtime it got. To bed at 10 with a throbbing skull and my chest and stomach seemingly filled with hot rocks. Sleep came at last, but only after a hell of a lot of reflection about the poor state my life is in; physically, relationship-wise, financially... Then the sweats and the frequent getting up to urinate, and the squeezing for minutes and the inability to empty my bladder; and still the throbbing in my head and the hurt in my chest and stomach and lower back.
And now it's day 2. The headache is still there (withdrawal), as well as my chest and stomach aches. It will get worse over the next two or three days, I know from past experience (plenty off it), but then it will start getting better, every day. Maybe this time I'll reach a hundred days, then maybe another hundred, and maybe by next Christmas I'll be able to say "One Year clean".
And hopefully, today, and tomorrow, and the days after, my body will (again) forgive me for the terribly hurt I so stupidly inflict on it. And repair itself, and give me (yet) another chance...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Sunny Florida
Posts: 304
My join date is 2011
I just got a year sober after many attempts. Keep going,do everything you can. .i had to change pretty much my whole life to keep sober. Nothing can stand in your way. Marriage,work,children.
Sobriety,and for me , working on my recovery program is first.
I just got a year sober after many attempts. Keep going,do everything you can. .i had to change pretty much my whole life to keep sober. Nothing can stand in your way. Marriage,work,children.
Sobriety,and for me , working on my recovery program is first.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
A terribly tragic thing that a lot of dying alcoholics have is a high tolerance for pain.
After 4 years out on a weekend bender, i had enough. 25+ years of drinkin and pain and suffering was enough. my liver had enough, my heart had enough my soul had enough.
you gotta just say enough...and walk away for good. knowing that nothing but pain will ever be there for you again.
Alcohol didn't really even console me anymore. It was just more pain. a more hollow gut wrenching pain. I couldn't drink it away or sleep it away anymore.
I had to get sober. At that point there was just no other way. I hope you've had enough this time.
We're always glad to hear from you no matter what. We've all been there and it's lonely and painful and sad. Anytime you need us we're here. welcome back.
After 4 years out on a weekend bender, i had enough. 25+ years of drinkin and pain and suffering was enough. my liver had enough, my heart had enough my soul had enough.
you gotta just say enough...and walk away for good. knowing that nothing but pain will ever be there for you again.
Alcohol didn't really even console me anymore. It was just more pain. a more hollow gut wrenching pain. I couldn't drink it away or sleep it away anymore.
I had to get sober. At that point there was just no other way. I hope you've had enough this time.
We're always glad to hear from you no matter what. We've all been there and it's lonely and painful and sad. Anytime you need us we're here. welcome back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 976
I’m not sick of you either Corrie. I too tried SO many times and failed. Keep pushing, keep fighting. It’s worth it. Fight hard to take the first step and then the next and the next. You had 47 days - remember how much better you felt? You can do it again. Have you thought about talking to your doctor about some rx help? Naltrexone, campral, Antabuse? Maybe that could help get you over the initial hump?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 147
Day 3 almost gone. Had a close slip today while I worked at a Tavern that has one of my pool tables. I drove away thinking: "Just a couple of ice cold Heinies, man... Take it easy and you'll feel no worse tomorrow than you do now. And tomorrow is a new day... What's a couple of days difference going to make?" Don't know how, but after a few minutes that whispering-slimey-slitherer (my AV), went away. And I'm grateful.
Thank you all of my SR friends for your support.
Thank you all of my SR friends for your support.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Good job corriec.
Have you tried to meditate or pray before going into the tavern to work on your pool tables? I know for me before I do any event that will be around booze or in a bar, I make sure I am "centered" or spiritually fit as we AA say. It puts me in the right frame of mind and so far it's worked completely. I have never left an event from a bar thinking wow that was close.
Anyway, I saw that your last two attempts were 54 and 64 days. Let's get to 74 days then worry about relapsing. Hopefully by then you'll have a good plan and working the sobriety program you've chosen.
Have you tried to meditate or pray before going into the tavern to work on your pool tables? I know for me before I do any event that will be around booze or in a bar, I make sure I am "centered" or spiritually fit as we AA say. It puts me in the right frame of mind and so far it's worked completely. I have never left an event from a bar thinking wow that was close.
Anyway, I saw that your last two attempts were 54 and 64 days. Let's get to 74 days then worry about relapsing. Hopefully by then you'll have a good plan and working the sobriety program you've chosen.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Good job corriec.
Have you tried to meditate or pray before going into the tavern to work on your pool tables? I know for me before I do any event that will be around booze or in a bar, I make sure I am "centered" or spiritually fit as we AA say. It puts me in the right frame of mind and so far it's worked completely. I have never left an event from a bar thinking wow that was close.
Anyway, I saw that your last two attempts were 54 and 64 days. Let's get to 74 days then worry about relapsing. Hopefully by then you'll have a good plan and working the sobriety program you've chosen.
Have you tried to meditate or pray before going into the tavern to work on your pool tables? I know for me before I do any event that will be around booze or in a bar, I make sure I am "centered" or spiritually fit as we AA say. It puts me in the right frame of mind and so far it's worked completely. I have never left an event from a bar thinking wow that was close.
Anyway, I saw that your last two attempts were 54 and 64 days. Let's get to 74 days then worry about relapsing. Hopefully by then you'll have a good plan and working the sobriety program you've chosen.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
I'm not going to tell you anything magical to help you quit drinking. And no, I'm not tired of you or anyone here for that matter. What I will tell you is the truth. So here go's.
Keep drinking and it gets worse. You loose everything, then you die a miserable death. That's alcoholism. It's a disease and kills you dead. So keep drinking and accept this. Or, join us and stay alive. It's your choice and only you can do it.
Keep drinking and it gets worse. You loose everything, then you die a miserable death. That's alcoholism. It's a disease and kills you dead. So keep drinking and accept this. Or, join us and stay alive. It's your choice and only you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Hi Corrie;
I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and that I know you can beat this.
Sometimes it takes a few starts, but sobriety and recovery are worth building
even if it means giving up some things from your old life and ways of response to do so.
Wayne is quite right--drinking sure can kill you. I was bleeding out both ends before I finally clicked and got it.
You are doing better than me in that respect already--
Don't give your choice of sobriety away to anyone, even someone you love.
She sounds like she has her own demons to deal with.
That isn't on you, and never was.
Wishing you peace and healing.
Keep posting--nobody is tired of you
I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and that I know you can beat this.
Sometimes it takes a few starts, but sobriety and recovery are worth building
even if it means giving up some things from your old life and ways of response to do so.
Wayne is quite right--drinking sure can kill you. I was bleeding out both ends before I finally clicked and got it.
You are doing better than me in that respect already--
Don't give your choice of sobriety away to anyone, even someone you love.
She sounds like she has her own demons to deal with.
That isn't on you, and never was.
Wishing you peace and healing.
Keep posting--nobody is tired of you
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