cordova85

Hi all. Alcoholism runs in my family and for a good while I avoided drinking. I am 40 and when I turned 27 I decided a few drinks here and there would be ok. Well, within 1 yr, I had a dwi. At the time I had a good job, graduated college, had a nice car and home. Then I met a man that was a heavy drinker. Chaos becomes a theme for me now. At the age of 34, i had 4 dwis, lost everything. I ended up in prison, did multiple stints in rehab, was in a psy ward, was homeless. I feel like this is the hardest battle I have had. Currently, I am struggling and I have had enough. I am tired of the hangovers, wasted money, being an embarassing drunk. I am ashamed. I am making an appt to see a Dr. Alcohol is an insideous thing. After a few days of not drinking, a voice in my head tells me to drink. I know full well, hell the **** no, but give in. The physical withdraw is bad, but drinking is so much worse. I want help and I am done with the stupid **** alcohol does to me. Makes me a slave, lying to me that I will feel good. Hell no. I am now at the moment, stuck with a meth user bf. I wouldnt say addict, but its hard on me with my own damn prbms. He is abusive, lies and has stolen from me, esp when I pass out he takes my money. Of course, I met him drunk. He doesnt like me as a drunk, but wtf about him! Alcohol has lead me to be robbed, assualted, arrested. I drink to forget, but alcohol always brings me back, much worse. Suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression, remoresful. So sick of hurting myself and others. Sick of waking up with vague memories, wondering how the hell did I get here, or what did I do again. I deleted my fb acct because I was going on there drunk and being an ass. So tired of you alcohol. Today is a new day. I just wanted to vent thx.

Stayingsassy

This is the one statement in your whole post that needs to be addressed.

Every person on this board has a voice that tells us to drink.

Those of us who are still sober, tell the voice “NO.”

Those of us who aren’t, tell it “yes.”

Alcohol has taken enough from you, now. Your post makes me sad. You’ve fallen pretty far. You’d be amazed though, how much sobriety can change you.


P.s. dump the boyfriend now. He’s dead weight and bad news.

Dee74

Welcoem aboard cordova
there's a lot of support here - really changed my life.

I've gone from being an all day everyday drinker to just over a decade of sobriety.

Life is good
If I can do it, anyone can - hope to see you around some more

D

ps I hope you can extricate yourself from your current relationship - doesn't sound good on any level?

Sohard

I'm sorry...I don't mean to be judgmental, but it seems you need to dump the alcohol AND the boyfriend. If, as you say, he's not an "addict", well then he's an idiot for doing meth. I'd almost have more respect for him if he was addicted, otherwise it doesn't make any sense. He is not someone you can be around to be your best self, and you know it. I really wish you the best.

ForestFrenzy

I am glad you found SR.

Prioritize and commit to sobriety. No matter how compelling that voice is (we all have it here and that's the battle: telling it "NO!") find another way.

A lot of your story is similar to mine.

I am so grateful to be sober today, where that voice is more and more infrequent, and I can enjoy life when it's great and don't feel a need to drink, and cope when life is less than optimal and that voice is still silent.

Commitment. A promise to yourself. You deserve a fulfilling life and don't have to lose anymore if you don't want to.

Keep coming here. We've been where you are now.

Eaglelizard

I'm sorry to hear your story, Cordoba, the demon liquor takes everything from us, no getting around that. But when you've got nothing, you've got nothing left to lose. Sounds like it is time for a comeback.