I have returned
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 7
I have returned
I am back in recovery. This is day one. Had a real binder yesterday. Completely blacked out. I am feeling so guilty right now. I was trying moderate drinking but that doesn’t work for me. I cannot guarantee every time that I drink, I won’t get get drunk and do something dumb.
I’m just went an AA meeting. I was hesitant in the past, especially when they would say you are powerless over your drink. I use to think, if I choose to drink then I can choose not to. Man, I feel that I was wrong.
I’m just went an AA meeting. I was hesitant in the past, especially when they would say you are powerless over your drink. I use to think, if I choose to drink then I can choose not to. Man, I feel that I was wrong.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Welcome back.
You can make it work this time
"I was trying moderate drinking but that doesn’t work for me"
I suppose thats why we are called alcoholics. Its mad when we still dont accept it, when we leave that little grain of sand of doubt in our head because our AV wants one more, one last hit.
Take care and quit for good
You can make it work this time
"I was trying moderate drinking but that doesn’t work for me"
I suppose thats why we are called alcoholics. Its mad when we still dont accept it, when we leave that little grain of sand of doubt in our head because our AV wants one more, one last hit.
Take care and quit for good
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
You know what, I have to remind myself of that every day. It’s the whole ballgame. We remind ourselves that we can’t guarantee safety from humiliation and pain with drinking because we can’t moderate.
It’s daily work, but you can do it. Expect that you will have cravings and your addiction will try to talk you into drinking, but you put in the daily, routine work of telling yourself no, you can’t drink without consequences.
It’s daily work, but you can do it. Expect that you will have cravings and your addiction will try to talk you into drinking, but you put in the daily, routine work of telling yourself no, you can’t drink without consequences.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 7
I’m realizing that now. I was thinking I can some books goto therapy and that’s it. It doesn’t work like that. You’re right, it a continuous effort that is going to keep me sane and sober. I have truly accepted that I have a little insane person that takes control of me when I drink. If I don’t drink, then he doesn’t have control. But I can't do this alone. I need help. So, I will be attended weekly meetings and post on this site, instead of lurking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 983
Hey welcome back. This page has helped me a ton so far it helps to post regularly, loads of support here. And well done on aa it's not easy to get through the door but worth it ( reminder for me to go today)
Don't beat yourself up today's a new day to be sober
Lpg
Don't beat yourself up today's a new day to be sober
Lpg
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Welcome Batz,
Well sorry that you found out that you're just like many of us. I struggled to accept my powerlessness over drinking. I am grateful to the people of AA that taught me what alcoholism is and controlled drinking. I had to prove to myself I was not able to control my drinking. I learned I was powerless and once I believed it I was able to identify with others in the rooms of AA. Once I surrendered to the fact I was alcoholic and powerless over my drinking once I took a drink, I had a spiritual experience that took all desire to drink from me. I have not wanted a drink since that day. I hope that you achieve a spiritual awakening quickly and lose all desire/obsession to drink.
Good luck batz and I hope as you're attending AA meetings you hear what you need. You'll hear your story in everyone else's if you listen for it. I hope for the best for you. You have an experience that will help many others to become sober once you achieve it.
Well sorry that you found out that you're just like many of us. I struggled to accept my powerlessness over drinking. I am grateful to the people of AA that taught me what alcoholism is and controlled drinking. I had to prove to myself I was not able to control my drinking. I learned I was powerless and once I believed it I was able to identify with others in the rooms of AA. Once I surrendered to the fact I was alcoholic and powerless over my drinking once I took a drink, I had a spiritual experience that took all desire to drink from me. I have not wanted a drink since that day. I hope that you achieve a spiritual awakening quickly and lose all desire/obsession to drink.
Good luck batz and I hope as you're attending AA meetings you hear what you need. You'll hear your story in everyone else's if you listen for it. I hope for the best for you. You have an experience that will help many others to become sober once you achieve it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Support is good and necessary
I have had my fare share of testing the waters with drinking. It always came back to not being in control.
You can refocus your life and bring in activities that empower you. All is possible.
I have had my fare share of testing the waters with drinking. It always came back to not being in control.
You can refocus your life and bring in activities that empower you. All is possible.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Welcome back.
Moderation drinking is not for me, I am powerless over alcohol. I tried it, 2 times and finally realized I am much better off in life without drink You probably will be too, keep it up. Way to go to a meeting, that is a great direction.
Moderation drinking is not for me, I am powerless over alcohol. I tried it, 2 times and finally realized I am much better off in life without drink
You probably will be too, keep it up. Way to go to a meeting, that is a great direction.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Welcome back, Batz. It is impossible for me to moderate my drinking as I have no 'off' switch in that regard. Once I take that first drink there is no telling where it will lead except to very dark and unpredictable places. I never want to go back to them so I don't take that first sip of poison. I wish you all the best on your sober journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 7
It amazes me to realize how resistant I was to the statement, “I am powerless to over my drinking”. Maybe it’s my pride, ego, need to be in control, but the truth is I am powerless over it. My insanity was to continue to moderate my drink. I guess it’s hard to convince oneself that you’re an alcoholic when you have a very responsible career, a beautiful home and a wonderful family. These are all things that can disappear in the blink of an eye. And I am luck to still be in this position, because I know how I put this all at risk so many times.
Thanx for the support. I guess I am starting to realize what a resource this board can be. I will keep posting and read the forums.
Thanx for the support. I guess I am starting to realize what a resource this board can be. I will keep posting and read the forums.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
For me, it was all about acceptance.
Emotional acceptance.
I am addicted to alcohol so I cannot drink, ditto for smoking BTW.
But once I totally accepted that, I could do the rest.
For me, no AA, no rational recovery, no big plan, just my own knowledge that for me drinking simply was not an option ever. Took a long time coming, lots and lots of bad things for decades, but once it came, I was done.
Each person has their own path, but for EVERYONE, emotional acceptance that drinking is off the table is the key. That plus a plan and you got this.
If you want to know more about making a plan for yourself, Dee has some great sticker posts in Newcomers. I would also highly recommend reading the recent post from Sober and Honest in the Newcomers section called "Two Years - The Gains Are So Much Greater," which I found very moving even after many years of sobriety. Hip Sobriety is also a cool site and her course is super.
Bottom line -- you got this, its not easy, but so much easier than the alternative. Plus, you can do hard things, we all can. Lets face it, what we went through to drink that much and keep a life was way harder than stopping could ever be!
Emotional acceptance.
I am addicted to alcohol so I cannot drink, ditto for smoking BTW.
But once I totally accepted that, I could do the rest.
For me, no AA, no rational recovery, no big plan, just my own knowledge that for me drinking simply was not an option ever. Took a long time coming, lots and lots of bad things for decades, but once it came, I was done.
Each person has their own path, but for EVERYONE, emotional acceptance that drinking is off the table is the key. That plus a plan and you got this.
If you want to know more about making a plan for yourself, Dee has some great sticker posts in Newcomers. I would also highly recommend reading the recent post from Sober and Honest in the Newcomers section called "Two Years - The Gains Are So Much Greater," which I found very moving even after many years of sobriety. Hip Sobriety is also a cool site and her course is super.
Bottom line -- you got this, its not easy, but so much easier than the alternative. Plus, you can do hard things, we all can. Lets face it, what we went through to drink that much and keep a life was way harder than stopping could ever be!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
So....you were doing research! If I could moderate my drinking I wouldn't be an alcoholic. I can not drink one day at a time but the minute I pick up a drink I'm powerless to control the quantity and what happens. Welcome back!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Dropsie 
For me, it was all about acceptance.
Emotional acceptance.
I am addicted to alcohol so I cannot drink, ditto for smoking BTW.
But once I totally accepted that, I could do the rest.
For me, no AA, no rational recovery, no big plan, just my own knowledge that for me drinking simply was not an option ever. Took a long time coming, lots and lots of bad things for decades, but once it came, I was done.
Each person has their own path, but for EVERYONE, emotional acceptance that drinking is off the table is the key. That plus a plan and you got this.
If you want to know more about making a plan for yourself, Dee has some great sticker posts in Newcomers. I would also highly recommend reading the recent post from Sober and Honest in the Newcomers section called "Two Years - The Gains Are So Much Greater," which I found very moving even after many years of sobriety. Hip Sobriety is also a cool site and her course is super.
Bottom line -- you got this, its not easy, but so much easier than the alternative. Plus, you can do hard things, we all can. Lets face it, what we went through to drink that much and keep a life was way harder than stopping could ever be!
Emotional acceptance.
I am addicted to alcohol so I cannot drink, ditto for smoking BTW.
But once I totally accepted that, I could do the rest.
For me, no AA, no rational recovery, no big plan, just my own knowledge that for me drinking simply was not an option ever. Took a long time coming, lots and lots of bad things for decades, but once it came, I was done.
Each person has their own path, but for EVERYONE, emotional acceptance that drinking is off the table is the key. That plus a plan and you got this.
If you want to know more about making a plan for yourself, Dee has some great sticker posts in Newcomers. I would also highly recommend reading the recent post from Sober and Honest in the Newcomers section called "Two Years - The Gains Are So Much Greater," which I found very moving even after many years of sobriety. Hip Sobriety is also a cool site and her course is super.
Bottom line -- you got this, its not easy, but so much easier than the alternative. Plus, you can do hard things, we all can. Lets face it, what we went through to drink that much and keep a life was way harder than stopping could ever be!
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