Having a rough time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 122
Having a rough time
Hey guys,
Been having a rough time lately. I have been traveling a lot for work. Seceral months. I dont have the urge to drink, but when Im alone in my hotel i get really lonely. I call my wife and that does help. Ive noticed that people I do care about dont ever reach out to me first. I quit reaching out to my friends and co workers a couple of weeks ago and I never hear from them unless they need something.
I mean i know thats on them, but damn is it still lonely
Guess really I just posted because here I know Im not alone.
Been having a rough time lately. I have been traveling a lot for work. Seceral months. I dont have the urge to drink, but when Im alone in my hotel i get really lonely. I call my wife and that does help. Ive noticed that people I do care about dont ever reach out to me first. I quit reaching out to my friends and co workers a couple of weeks ago and I never hear from them unless they need something.
I mean i know thats on them, but damn is it still lonely
Guess really I just posted because here I know Im not alone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: WI, USA
Posts: 15
I took me years to be comfortable with just myself. You come to realize in life that most people care about themselves first, and what doesn't immediately concern them they don't think about.
Try turning off all electronics and just sitting quietly. How does that make you feel? It's uncomfortable for most people. We are created to be in relationship with others. But what are relationships worth if they don't stay with us when we're away?
I know what you're feeling. It's quite unsettling. A healthy prayer life can do a lot to alleviate loneliness. And there's always a tinge of being let down when loneliness sets in.
But if you do the right thing when you know how, and you do your best when you don't know exactly what to do, you'll find piece of mind.
It's a long process to reconcile ones self to ones own self. One problem is, a person cannot own his own shortcoming until he shares it with another. Until a person can take ownership, he can't be forgiven, because he's not accountable.
But mutual sharing of similar experiences is only a part of recovery. If it's left at that, it becomes a mutual justification. But if a person shares, forgives others, and then receives forgiveness, he can face himself.
Otherwise, the guilt is still there. He must keep repeating the ritual of confession, receive justification, and get stuck in a vicious circle. Once he receives forgiveness, the past has no power, and the man is at peace with himself.
Try turning off all electronics and just sitting quietly. How does that make you feel? It's uncomfortable for most people. We are created to be in relationship with others. But what are relationships worth if they don't stay with us when we're away?
I know what you're feeling. It's quite unsettling. A healthy prayer life can do a lot to alleviate loneliness. And there's always a tinge of being let down when loneliness sets in.
But if you do the right thing when you know how, and you do your best when you don't know exactly what to do, you'll find piece of mind.
It's a long process to reconcile ones self to ones own self. One problem is, a person cannot own his own shortcoming until he shares it with another. Until a person can take ownership, he can't be forgiven, because he's not accountable.
But mutual sharing of similar experiences is only a part of recovery. If it's left at that, it becomes a mutual justification. But if a person shares, forgives others, and then receives forgiveness, he can face himself.
Otherwise, the guilt is still there. He must keep repeating the ritual of confession, receive justification, and get stuck in a vicious circle. Once he receives forgiveness, the past has no power, and the man is at peace with himself.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Gosh it sound so tough to do non AA recovery. I don't know where you find the strength. Almost anywhere I go, there is always a meeting to pop into. I have a couple of million friends I just havent met them all yet.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
Gosh it sound so tough to do non AA recovery. I don't know where you find the strength. Almost anywhere I go, there is always a meeting to pop into. I have a couple of million friends I just havent met them all yet.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 323
I often drank because I felt alone. I still feel alone more than I would like but now I know that the booze was making it worse. Nearly everything I've ever done, that I have regretted, happened when I was drunk.
Is there something else you could do while travelling that'll keep you busy?
Is there something else you could do while travelling that'll keep you busy?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1,373
Don't get lonely, get active. Alcoholism is sneaky. It looks for cracks. Don't give it a chance to creep back in. In my opinion loneliness is an opportunity for the disease. Eliminate it by action. Just my suggestion.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 49
You literally just practically posted the same thing as me........... I am in the same state right now.
Knowing you are experiencing this loneliness too makes me feel less alone - not that I am happy you are experiencing it, but, you know.
We are not alone.
We are here and we have eachother.
Glad you posted.
Knowing you are experiencing this loneliness too makes me feel less alone - not that I am happy you are experiencing it, but, you know.
We are not alone.
We are here and we have eachother.
Glad you posted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by scaredikklegoth
I often drank because I felt alone. I still feel alone more than I would like but now I know that the booze was making it worse. Nearly everything I've ever done, that I have regretted, happened when I was drunk.
Is there something else you could do while travelling that'll keep you busy?
Is there something else you could do while travelling that'll keep you busy?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by mrrryahj
You literally just practically posted the same thing as me........... I am in the same state right now.
Knowing you are experiencing this loneliness too makes me feel less alone - not that I am happy you are experiencing it, but, you know.
We are not alone.
We are here and we have eachother.
Glad you posted.
Knowing you are experiencing this loneliness too makes me feel less alone - not that I am happy you are experiencing it, but, you know.
We are not alone.
We are here and we have eachother.
Glad you posted.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i can relate. I thought i had friends many times in life only to realize no one really cared as much about me as i did them. and they all just faded away unless I put forth the effort to keep contact.
When i focus on the lonely aspect of it i can get depressed. ITs funny too I was just talking about this very thing to someone else.
But I've come to accept that at the end of the day things come and go peopel come and go. Im basicly always and forever will be alone with myself. at the end of the day i need to be happy with myself cause well i'm stuck with myself.
That being said I had to figure out how to be happy when iw as alone and by myself cause well tehre was no avoiding it. I had to accept it.
I'm not sure how the average person feels maybe most people feel secure that they will always have others to help them along in life. I've never felt that way. and feel that others while can be helpful no one can jump inside of me and do it for me. no one can jump inside of me and clean up the pain etc.. Only I can do this. Its not good or bad it just is what it is.
I hope this helps. Maybe you can get preoccupied on other things and forget about the being alone part.
When i focus on the lonely aspect of it i can get depressed. ITs funny too I was just talking about this very thing to someone else.
But I've come to accept that at the end of the day things come and go peopel come and go. Im basicly always and forever will be alone with myself. at the end of the day i need to be happy with myself cause well i'm stuck with myself.
That being said I had to figure out how to be happy when iw as alone and by myself cause well tehre was no avoiding it. I had to accept it.
I'm not sure how the average person feels maybe most people feel secure that they will always have others to help them along in life. I've never felt that way. and feel that others while can be helpful no one can jump inside of me and do it for me. no one can jump inside of me and clean up the pain etc.. Only I can do this. Its not good or bad it just is what it is.
I hope this helps. Maybe you can get preoccupied on other things and forget about the being alone part.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Oh how I can relate. If it were not for my son, I would still be a drunk or completely isolated.
I have 1 friend who actually supports me, we are starting to hang out a lot more as of late, and it is great. I was totally honest with her about what I am going through. I did at 1 time drink with her and her hubby however, they never drank like I did. They never held anything above my head even when I did stupid things.
All other friends, even one I thought I was really close with has just gone away. I am sure that is because she drinks all the time and we were just using friends, to begin with. It took her 69 days to reach out to me, I had reached out 5 times prior to this to no avail, so, I just let that relationship go. It is not healthy for me, and she wants to continue to drink every day and surround herself with people who drink. That is not my lifestyle.
When I feel lonely, I watch TV, read a book, paint, or clean. I hope you are able to find something to fill your time with. Try something new if you are able, like finding cute little shops in your travelers, just to look around.
Best of luck to you!
I have 1 friend who actually supports me, we are starting to hang out a lot more as of late, and it is great. I was totally honest with her about what I am going through. I did at 1 time drink with her and her hubby however, they never drank like I did. They never held anything above my head even when I did stupid things.
All other friends, even one I thought I was really close with has just gone away. I am sure that is because she drinks all the time and we were just using friends, to begin with. It took her 69 days to reach out to me, I had reached out 5 times prior to this to no avail, so, I just let that relationship go. It is not healthy for me, and she wants to continue to drink every day and surround herself with people who drink. That is not my lifestyle.
When I feel lonely, I watch TV, read a book, paint, or clean. I hope you are able to find something to fill your time with. Try something new if you are able, like finding cute little shops in your travelers, just to look around.
Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
lol I actually do AA recovery and have been to meetings here.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
Recovery advice: "don't get to hungry, angry, lonely, tired (HALT)" Having telephone number of other recovering alcoholics has saved my recovery, especially when traveling. We understand each other like no one else. And calling newcomers is the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
When drinking, I was lonely, despite being surrounded by family, friends and acquaintances. Since stopping drinking and nurturing myself, for the first time in a long time.....I’ve found that it’s an inside, outside job. Once I forced myself to like myself, befriend myself, I feel far less lonely, if that makes sense, I hope it does. Plus, others seem more accepting of me, as I accept myself.
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