scaredikklegoth

Everyone settles for less than they wanted. I end up daydreaming the days away to cope with how empty and dull everything is. Social interactions are bland or uncomfortable. Nothing is ever as exciting as you want it to be. No wonder we drink.

I know, I know. Drinking wouldn't help. I don't think it would. I just don't want to think or feel.

Dark night of the soul incoming.

Stayingsassy

Hey. I know how it feels to be sober and staring into space, wondering about the point of it all. Thing is, your sobriety will induce change. Big things are coming for you. And I don’t just mean your child....sometimes it’s those moments in the day, maybe many of those moments all piled up together, that start the little kernel of fire inside you. Life is most certainly not dull. We just haven’t figured out the details, yet....

MindfulMan

That sounds like possible depression to me. Have you looked into it? Ask your doc.

scaredikklegoth

I went off my meds for the baby. Maybe I'll speak to the Dr. I don't care enough to do it atm. I know that sounds stupid and dramatic but it's how I feel.

Hawkeye13

I was just down for awhile until my dopamine recalibrated.

The alcohol had been my "up" for so long, it took time and healing
for my body to begin to manufacture the needed hormones.

This is pretty common for many
Hang in there

Dee74

I think you really need to touch base with your Dr or therapist.

I know that crushing apathy and lack of motivation, but you're responsible for 2 lives now - make the effort to go see someone, scaredikklegoth.

D

scaredikklegoth

I honestly don't think I've ever felt this bad before. I feel like everything I cared about is see and all I have left is the mechanical day-to-day. I've been suicidal before and not felt this bad. I feel like my entire existence is a laughable lie and that I should never have been born. I'm going to be a terrible mother, I'm useless at everything, nothing means anything. This is all ********.

I don't want to wake up tomorrow but I'm scared of dying. I can't afford to see this therapist. I don't know what to do. I lost all hope.

waynetheking

"Drinking wouldn't help, I don't think it would"

Your letting your AV putting doubt in your sobriety. That's dangerous. Your not staying busy. Your not working on a plan of action. Your on a pitypot. This is common in early sobriety. Recognize it and do something about it. It's not easy. But support is here, AA, your doctor, your friends, books....anything to move you forward past this moment of despair. These feelings your having suck. We all know this. But it's on you to do something about them. If you do nothing then you might escape harm and not drink. The odds are bad. Very bad. If you do something then you better your chances and pull through this. Like we keep saying, it gets easier with time. Build on something young lady other than doom and gloom. That go's nowhere.
Hang in there, and don't drink under any circumstances. Never.

ScottFromWI

Well, you've got a lot of friends who care here scared - if that helps. Is there someone you could call or go see locally that might help cheer you up? Life does get awfully monotonous at times i know...but it does get better.

Dee74

Antenatal depression is a real thing.

The common thread here seems to be talk to your GP, or midwife.

Prenatal or Antenatal Depression - PANDAS Foundation UK | PANDAS Foundation UK
https://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregna...-pregnant.aspx

or maybe call one of these numbers:

PANDAS: Helpline 0843 2898401. Provides telephone support, online information and local support groups for pregnancy depression and postnatal depression.

MIND: Helpline 0300 123 3393. Mental health charity providing information, support, local groups and an online chatroom

I really hope you will. Honestly, no one is meant to suffer



D

scaredikklegoth

Thank you guys. I seem to be calming down now. That just hit me so hard that I completely freaked out. I felt like my life was a total lie and that I could never daydream or write again and it was like part of me had just been killed. Very horrible and also a sure sign that I need my meds. Pregnancy and sobriety are huge things to go through especially when you have a history of severe depression and I think trying to just handle it on my own came down on me like a ton of bricks and I freaked out.

Sorry about that. I sincerely hope it doesn't happen again as wow, that was awful. I'm going to phone the Dr first thing and get myself some support.

Dee74

Nothing to say sorry for at all

D

Stayingsassy

I think it’s perfectly fine to come here with those feelings, like I’ve said to you before, early sobriety is enough of a ton of bricks without adding pregnancy, I’ve had three children and three difficult pregnancies as well as many attempts at early sobriety. Doing both is hard. I hear you and I recognize all the thoughts you are having. I’m just glad you’re feeling a bit better. I don’t do therapy because of the cost, also...but a trip to your doctor should help and she/he will know what to do.

Hugs.

scaredikklegoth

Thanks lovely people. Just trying to get an appointment now xx

Berrybean

Insist on it. Please don't underplay how you were feeling. Its flippin hard to get a doctor's appointment in the UK.

I'm off work today and available for a chat if that would help. Just PM me and I'll be there x

PeacefulWater12

I relate strongly to what you shared. Good on you for reaching out. Good luck with getting an appointment soon. I am in UK too.

When I was in a similar position, i mentioned my suicidal feelings to the receptionist and they asked me to come straight in. I did and they were brilliant.

Normally is very long wait for an appointment but in an emergency they will often fit people in.

Very best wishes to you

Lpg

Hey scared.

Hang in there hun. I was feeling terrible yesterday but calm today. Its like Russian roulette which mood is going to take control.

I'm finding it tough but other days on top of the world. It's learning to manage the bad days and recognising alcohol will not fix anything under any circumstances. Uv got a special reason to keep fighting too your little one.
Have u tried aa?

Lpg

zjw

i can relate to your line of thinking. I think your viewing life from only one angle. I can understand what your saying. tho and found i was happier if i cut down my social interactions. I felt the same as you. often times interacting was awkward bland and well a BS waste of time. I can still view it from this angle and tell you not much has changed.

But i try to view it differently now and realize that every now and then if i poke my head out from this shell there are some tidbits of good.

Generally speaking lifes a piece of crap. I hate to say it but it really is filled with lots of nonsense and problems. But its those tidbits of awesome ness that keep me goning the good stuff that comes along here and there is what I try and focus on and utilize to get happy and encourage myself to keep going.

so in short i dunno if your exactly wrong to have the view you have but I think its just one way to view things there are other ways to look at things that can be a little easier on us.

Hawkeye13

So glad you are doing better--talking to someone should help.

The "flat" feeling you are having also may have its roots in alcohol withdrawal--
check out this link on anhedonia

http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-re...a-in-recovery/

scaredikklegoth

The doctor agreed that I should go back on my meds so I have them now. Got heavy cravings today which I'm not going to give into but certainly not enjoying. These are the strongest cravings I've had since I stopped drinking 3 months ago so obviously it's all related. I'm not going to give in as that is not an option but I'm realising that I really need to start making myself more busy and active as spending so much time alone and not doing much is very bad for me.