It has to stop
 

Hey all,

For the past several months, well at least 6-9 months I have been drinking almost every day. I had been going to AA for a while with good success. I travel for my job, meaning I live away from home and on weekends I go home to my wife. I do not drink when I am home and actually have zero desire to, but when I get back to work it’s a daily cycle work go home, drink, talk to my wife go to sleep.
I know what I need to do, I’m just looking for encouragement. Everyday I say I’m not going to drink yet everyday I do.....stuck in a bad rut

I drank every day for well over a year (& heavy drinking for many more before). Every morning I'd feel awful & full of anxiety and dread, but by the evening I had decided I needed a drink and so I did. I found that I just couldn't have a day off. I remember once being ill on holiday (tonsillitis), I had to take medication which I couldn't drink with - not being able to drink is what I was most upset about! I was stuck in the very same rut!

Finally I accepted I had a problem, walked into my GP and confessed to my drinking. I needed some accountability to make a change, I couldn't do it myself. That was late spring this year. I was referred to addiction counselling which was just what I needed. I did some group therapy too. I am now just over 9 weeks sober.

You can of course do it too! When do you plan to start? :)

Welcome back Wanting it. Sounds like you know exactly what to do, and you know it works. If AA meetings work well why not try some online meetings when you are not able to make it to face to face ones? If you google online AA meetings you'll find that they happen all day long just about every day.

Did you have a sponsor when you were going to meetings? Remember that the meetings themselves are only part of the program - working the steps and having a sponsor to guide you are very important too.

You will find a lot of support and encouragement here as well - and you already know that life can be far better without the alcohol, right?

I did this every single day for 27 years.

I would even be driving home from work, telling myself I would go straight home without stopping to buy booze and I would still always stop. I feared living without alcohol.

402 days ago the alcohol just wasn't working anymore and I was in a constant state of panic, anxiety, dread and depression - no matter how much I drank. I was at a fork in the road - drink 24/7 until I died or get help.

You will know when you are ready to change.

Thanks everyone. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in the terrible rut I have been in. Today is my starting point. I did have a sponsor I got all the way to step nine. Being on the road for work is tough, but I’ve allowed my loneliness while away from home to justify my drinking. Reading what I just wrote is really pathetic. I have stayed in contact with my sponsor and he encourages me every time I talk with him to get back to AA and get back to work on finishing the Steps....I think I’m ready I am so tired of feeling like **** and living a lie. My wife and everyone I know back home thinks I no longer drink, because when I’m home I don’t. Got to get to a meeting today and start again

Sounds like a good plan for today Wantingit. We've all used something as an excuse to keep drinking, I know I did it for years. Loneliness, boredom, excitment, sadness, work problems, family problems, you name it. It's not pathetic, it's just the nature of addiction. The great thing is that you can make the choice to change your actions and not listen to it anymore - I think getting back to a meeting today and staying in touch with your sponsor is a great idea. Be honest too - not only with yourself but those around you.

wantingit, something you could do is look up AA meetings in the areas you travel to.
best to have them lined up before ya travel.

i think it would be wise to instead of finishing the steps, start back at step 1.
something from the pamphlet, "a guide to the 12 steps of AA:"
WITHOUT the first step there is no chance
of recovery

Absolutely! I have to work step one daily......

I can so relate to your feelings. What I learned is I have a choice when thoughts of drinking enter my head: pick up the phone and call my sponsor or drink. I suggest reconnecting with your sponsor and starting over. Good luck!

wow! I so relate to this thread!!! I NEVER drink at home! But when i travel, i am always in the fancy hotel bar, playing big shot--BOOM! and once I start, now its ok to go out all the time, etc etc.... So, what it tells me is that i CAN restrain/stop because I do at home (when no guests). And I do the same nonsense: "I am lonely, I deserve, I want some company, I.... "!! The insanity is destroying my body and all else!!!

Yep totally relate. Feeling lonely or even bored is not an excuse to drink at all. I know I’m an alcoholic I have zero doubt about it. I have been choosing to get the alcohol....it’s time for me to start choosing life. AA is the answer I’ve know that for a long time too....

I totally caved last night....so glad I’m going home today...I won’t drink tonight sat or Sunday. My plan is to reconnect with my old sponsor and get to some meetings this weekend..then carry it over into next week going to meetings here where I’m working. Thanks for your encouragement...I am going to achieve sobriety, I just need a starting point this weekend is the perfect starting point

It's bloody hard, we all understand that. I think speaking with your sponsor is a great idea. Get yourself a plan (that seems to be the key).

Just came off a 4 day binge
 

Called my EAP and the kid sounded like it was his first day on the job...
He wants me to go to the ER because of concerns of withdrawal.

Well how are you feeling? Glad you stopped your binge...I finally woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Day 2 for me, meeting with my sponsor tomorrow...feeling hopeful. Don’t fool around if you’re feeling really bad physically maybe go get checked out...be safe

You sound like I was, you've incorporated drinking into your nightly routine. I did that for ~4 years, drank every night. I would justify it because some nights I only drank 6 budweisers, others I'd drink 12. I had a fridge in my home office specifically for beer.

I quit due to the emotional ups & downs and depression. Also for health reasons such as losing weight etc.

I walked past a crate of Jameson bottles on sale and considered grabbing the entire crate and checking out with it today. I know that it's not easy but if I can do it, I believe you can too.

I’m going to give it my everything....I’m really tired of feeling like this.

Hey guys...I had a few great sober days at home. Reconnected with my sponsor and I have committed to calling him everyday, going to as many meetings a week as possible(which should be everyday) and meeting with him when I go home on weekends to work with him on steps. feeling good...one day at a time...

Sounds like some great progress, keep up the good work!

You got it!!! Meeting tonight after work