aussieblue

Vman , glad your giving it another go. Sending strength your way.

Stayingsassy

I’ve never made it past 4 months myself. I’ve had many, many four month runs. I honestly don’t know why that is the breaking point for me. Sounds like it is for you also. It sucks.

theVman31

thank you aussieblue and StayingSassy.

Staying Sassy.
One of my big problems is playing the victim.
Letting all lifes problems getting out of control or letting myself believe poor me. I often go into accusation mode and dont see or treat people any longer on an equal wavelength.

I almost cracked the spell or broke the cycle, almost !
But I honestly believe i am making progress. Some or ok all of the people who replied to my cry for help this weekend know what they are talking about. I mean no one can say they drink for the same reasons as another but at the end of the day our problem is when we put that crap in our mouths its blackout and misery on the way.

I absolutely thank god i found SR. Ok I went looking for it.
It is really one of the tools that is saving me and my family.

And its the people and friends that i can now say I have here who know and share exactly our combat.

TomSteve told me something that really stuck, along the lines of, "GETTING sober was the hardest thing i ever done, harder than fighting a cancer, STAYING sober was easy."

what more do you need !

Lets get past the first six months and make it to a year !

Stayingsassy

Yeah, playing the victim....I’ve done the “you get to drink and I don’t, my life is harder than yours,” I think AA says it like this “poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.”

Now that I’m nearing the point I usually relapse (during times I could actually manage to string a few months together) I see a couple things...one is time. Months away from drinking, I sort of start to feel not like I can safely drink again, but that I’ve healed up enough to ruin myself for awhile again until the next quit...see I’m way past the point where I believe I can moderate, it just tricks me in another way.

Another thing that happens is that everyone around me is less mad. Less angry. They don’t understand alcoholism either, so they think maybe I’m ok to drink again, or maybe they aren’t as freaked out about me drinking....a problem is me “fishing around for acceptance”with the people I know, to see if they will care if i start up again.

This time...it seems more clear that my loved ones now expect sobriety. It’s expected that I’ve stopped. Starting again would be a devastation. It would terrify my family and I think my husband would simply decide to leave.

This time...what was happening before was so bad that I can’t take even the smallest chance that it will happen again.

This time....I have invested a lot of time, effort and personal commitment into learning how to find ways to cope with adversity...I’m not really there yet of course but I’m really working on it.

I’ve got a bad track record but I have to have hope. If we don’t have hope, then what is the point of anything, what is the point of living? I have to hope that I can be sober for good.

tomsteve

there was a lot of fighting the mental obsession in getting sober.
well worth every second of fight.
ODAAT.

Fitcher

Hey, see the progress here? First, you embrace the bottle as a solution, then you're disgusted by it. In time my friend, you will have your first experience with being disgusted by just the thought of turning to the bottle again. That's how it works.

You may have fallen off your horse, but you didn't let it drag you back to the start. You're pretty much right where you were when you fell off. You didn't unlearn all that you've gained over the past 4 months, nor did you undo all of the positives you've accomplished.

Onward!

Dropsie

Vinny,

I was just reading on another thread about how the road to sobriety is not a straight line.

Not for any of us.

But as along as you keep trying you will get there.

I feel it in your posts.

JudicatorPanzer

Glad to hear you're back Vman

waynetheking

V man, you have to stop drinking or it stops you. I always keep this thought with me. It supersedes any notion of wanting a drink for some lame excuse. Alcoholism won't cut me any slack. I'm doing the same to alcoholism. No favors. None.

Done4today

many prayers Vman and staying sassy!

Hawkeye13

Hey Vman--how are you today?

Just checking in and sending support

theVman31

Very touched to see the new posts and the support, Thanks guys.

Well here is the truth, I had a mental obsession week.
The cravinigs were off the wall, I let the hamster out of the cage !!
The addict is working overtime in my head but I cant and wont let him win.

I have to GET sober again. Get 6 months a year and then the STAYING sober stage.

Its ODAAT at the moment.
Vinny.

ScottFromWI

Don't let the AV get the best of you - stop this in it's tracks before it turns into something you really regret. If SR is your main source of support, perhaps you could join one of the daily threads? Do you have any local support at all? If not perhaps it's time to pull out all the stops and try something new.

We are here for you - and please remember that you don't get unlimited chances at sobriety... make the best of it now while you can.

Donnyb

Way to go Vinny!! Keep
It up!!

Hawkeye13

There do seem to be "cycles" where the cravings make you crazy.
But if you get through them by having a plan of response / distraction
like going to the gym, turning on a show you like, taking a shower,
eating something (ice cream particularly good here), etc. it actually
will pass within the hour most times.

Even if it comes back, distract again and eventually the AV, or urge,
or hamster mind will give up for a bit.
The time between these cycles gets longer, and the cravings less intense
each time you "win" a battle like this.

It's like your sobriety muscle gets stronger as a response to the stress,
like a regular muscle does when you lift heavy.

Keep on pushing back and you will win--that's a promise

scaredikklegoth

The AV is a true demon. It cajoled and seduces and it's hard to fight but it sounds like you're determined and fighting it tooth and nail. I'm 92 days today and my AV is screaming. I fear that if I wasn't pregnant I might have given in but we know that isn't an option.

Keep going. I know you can do it.

Dee74

The thing you have to remember about the AV is that for all its bluster, it's powerless. It can't go to the shop and buy booze...it needs you to do that.

It can't pour the booze down your throat - it needs us to do that.

If you refuse to cooperate? It's beaten.

Sure it may throw a tantrum. but like any toddler, it'll exhaust itself and sleep...

D

JJ991

Keep going Vman, you can do it. I like how you call your AV the hamster! It made me think if I let the hamster out that our cats would eat it, so best keep it in check!!

Delizadee

Hey Vinny! Funny I was just thinking about you today, and meandering around the site came upon this thread.
I'm glad you're still here and staying at it. It's tough at first.
Lots of good stuff in here... keep looking at it like all those times you went back, and what you gained in terms of wisdom and strength from getting back up, getting going again and getting more sober time under your belt every time.
There is still progress in there, do you see it?
Being around other humans is also a great way to keep AV quieter I've found.
It's good to see you, and to see your spirits up since the beginning of this thread

Del

theVman31

Thanks to all of you and
SOoo nice to see you Del

To anyone who happens to read the thread.
Keep at it. Get it right. When you fall crawl. Your worth it and your loved ones too. You might leave some tears on the path but good god isnt that recovery - being able to cry.

I am one of the lucky ones.
I have learned so much here on SR.

Now time for dinner