The gifts of sobriety are returning
I am not these thoughts - I am the Master of these thoughts.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 134
The gifts of sobriety are returning
There are so many blessings that come with sobriety, and within those blessings, others still.
When I relapsed, I started to miss and lament on the loss of the simple attributes of sobriety yet those that made life rich and enjoyable:
You'll probably hear me mention the latter weaved throughout my contributions, because for me, the loss of my true self was one of the foremost losses I regretted while drinking.
Now at nearly two weeks sober, those projects that I was once so enthusiastic about and then couldn't give a damn once drinking, are exciting me again:
Painting my walls
New drapes
Re-modeling my bathroom
My gym goals
My writing and vlog
My harp compositions
Diving into my favorite author's new book
I am feeling alive again and at the risk of sounding "flowery", the bloom on this once dormant rose, is returning.
This weekend was tough; Friday night I had dinner with my best friend whom I haven't seen in months, but the social anxiety was flaring up inside. As we sat in our favorite sushi haunt and the dining room progressively filled with bustling couples, families and rambunctious children, my mind automatically went to how "a drink" could really take the edge off. But I knew that like reflecting on an abusive relationship and thinking back on only the good times and omitting the bad, I was romanticizing what would happen. Every time I have that thought, I must "go long"; to imagine a drink I must imagine the full experience and finally, remember that the one hypothetical drink, could be the beginning of the end.
I cannot have this zeal while drinking; even if I were not at the stage of ADD where I actually am, I would be only half- awake at my best, and missing those hidden gems that make living an enthralling adventure of self-discovery.
The November mornings here are golden and glistening; I am noticing the gossamer webs with Autumn dew framing my window, I am hearing the cooing of birds atop my roof, and clocking the early arrival of my Irises planted last year. I wouldn't have taken notice of these things were I drinking; I'd be overshadowed with guilt, fear and the nagging desire for another drink.
To whit, the social anxiety is another cross of mine to bear and like taking the first daunting step (again) into calmer sober streams, the only way is through. I have to walk through that fire if I want to improve. I have to step out of my comfort zone and develop the wherewithal. The only way is through. But it's worth it.
Freedom's tincture never loses its sweet, sweet taste. And I'd rather a palette for freedom than wine over any day.
As always, I am grateful to the SR community for their empathy and support. You are my rock.
tyou
When I relapsed, I started to miss and lament on the loss of the simple attributes of sobriety yet those that made life rich and enjoyable:
- Great sleep
- Motivation
- Empathy
- Invigorating mornings
- Energy
- Authenticity
You'll probably hear me mention the latter weaved throughout my contributions, because for me, the loss of my true self was one of the foremost losses I regretted while drinking.
Now at nearly two weeks sober, those projects that I was once so enthusiastic about and then couldn't give a damn once drinking, are exciting me again:
Painting my walls
New drapes
Re-modeling my bathroom
My gym goals
My writing and vlog
My harp compositions
Diving into my favorite author's new book
I am feeling alive again and at the risk of sounding "flowery", the bloom on this once dormant rose, is returning.
This weekend was tough; Friday night I had dinner with my best friend whom I haven't seen in months, but the social anxiety was flaring up inside. As we sat in our favorite sushi haunt and the dining room progressively filled with bustling couples, families and rambunctious children, my mind automatically went to how "a drink" could really take the edge off. But I knew that like reflecting on an abusive relationship and thinking back on only the good times and omitting the bad, I was romanticizing what would happen. Every time I have that thought, I must "go long"; to imagine a drink I must imagine the full experience and finally, remember that the one hypothetical drink, could be the beginning of the end.
I cannot have this zeal while drinking; even if I were not at the stage of ADD where I actually am, I would be only half- awake at my best, and missing those hidden gems that make living an enthralling adventure of self-discovery.
The November mornings here are golden and glistening; I am noticing the gossamer webs with Autumn dew framing my window, I am hearing the cooing of birds atop my roof, and clocking the early arrival of my Irises planted last year. I wouldn't have taken notice of these things were I drinking; I'd be overshadowed with guilt, fear and the nagging desire for another drink.
To whit, the social anxiety is another cross of mine to bear and like taking the first daunting step (again) into calmer sober streams, the only way is through. I have to walk through that fire if I want to improve. I have to step out of my comfort zone and develop the wherewithal. The only way is through. But it's worth it.
Freedom's tincture never loses its sweet, sweet taste. And I'd rather a palette for freedom than wine over any day.
As always, I am grateful to the SR community for their empathy and support. You are my rock.
tyou 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Beautiful post! I’m having the same experiences. I feel like the world is opening up for me. It took some time, but my ability to experience real happiness is dawning.
Also love your thoughts on drinking thoughts: I do the same thing. They crop up, I acknowledge, think it through, then dismiss. Drinking thoughts can never be entertained. I see it here on SR with people who have not yet committed: their drinking thoughts are the same, they just have not yet learned to get rid of them quickly, they are entertaining the thoughts, you cannot dance with the devil! Or you’ll end up in bed with him! ��
Glad you’re doing well and thanks for sharing.
Also love your thoughts on drinking thoughts: I do the same thing. They crop up, I acknowledge, think it through, then dismiss. Drinking thoughts can never be entertained. I see it here on SR with people who have not yet committed: their drinking thoughts are the same, they just have not yet learned to get rid of them quickly, they are entertaining the thoughts, you cannot dance with the devil! Or you’ll end up in bed with him! ��
Glad you’re doing well and thanks for sharing.
I am not these thoughts - I am the Master of these thoughts.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 134
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy 
, you cannot dance with the devil! Or you’ll end up in bed with him! ��
Glad you’re doing well and thanks for sharing.
Glad you’re doing well and thanks for sharing.
It also helps me to remember that the temporary high doesn't last and only leaves you with a ball and chain, needing more to feel relief. One HELL of a deal - no thank you!
Thank you everyone for reading and caring - you know it how much that means.
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