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Glass of wine placed in my hand last night

Old 11-12-2017, 07:59 PM
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Testing your sobriety is never a good thing , it means you haven't yet Quit.
Make it untestable , you have every right and ability to do so
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Old 11-12-2017, 08:09 PM
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“I don’t drink, no matter what.”

Sometimes our fieldwork leads us into situations where we give ourselves a quiet small internal smile, and think, “oh hey, here’s my no matter what.” And it will happen again, and again, and again....and still no drinking, because I don’t drink no matter what, and that is literally what it feels like to be released from prison. That’s what this is for me.

I was in a hell of my own making, a hell it seemed I’d never get out of, and I can’t tell you how many times I said to myself, “oh my god, I’m never going to be able to quit, I can’t quit...” and I’d be in total despair, feeling completely stuck. Jailed.

It feels awesome to hold a glass of wine and not drink it, to be perfectly honest. Maybe my personal hell was just a really bad one. Sometimes, I felt like maybe I didn’t realize I’d died and gone there, it was so bad.

Sometimes I feel like the people here who still think they might want to drink haven’t had the hell ive had, you know what they say about rock bottom, rock bottom can be a gift, if it doesn’t take everything you have first.
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Old 11-12-2017, 08:18 PM
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I hear you! I used to run the lights in a dance clubs. Free drinks all night! I drank coke. Once, the DJ and I were both sober, so that was cool. Place closed at4am and the employees would sit at the bar and have a few. I usually skipped that, or I'd stay once in awhile for the conversation. They weren't drunks so it was cool.
I actually miss those days. It was fun and I enjoyed it. Sober
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Old 11-12-2017, 08:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
Yep I think I’d be known as the staff lush in about that amount of time, too! There’s a kind of satisfaction now when I go somewhere I used to normally get trashed and the people there now see me as levelheaded, nice, calm and friendly instead of a blithering, ranting idiot. It’s pretty nice actually to show some dignity for once.
Yup! Every job I have ever had I am known as the lush of the group, I could even out drink most of the men.

Which naturally I always used to find hilarious and was quite proud of it, a 5 ft 4, size 10 girl who could out drink blokes double her size.

Until my GP who sent me for a liver test said it wasn't funny in the slightest
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Old 11-12-2017, 08:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Ghostlight1 View Post
I hear you! I used to run the lights in a dance clubs. Free drinks all night! I drank coke. Once, the DJ and I were both sober, so that was cool. Place closed at4am and the employees would sit at the bar and have a few. I usually skipped that, or I'd stay once in awhile for the conversation. They weren't drunks so it was cool.
I actually miss those days. It was fun and I enjoyed it. Sober
Yeah, like actual human conversations that you remember! I don’t miss wondering whether I acted like an ass. I used to always ask my husband “what did I say, did I say anything bad, did I do anything weird,” and he’d review the night and give me play by plays....

It’s nice to actually connect with people when you are out.
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Old 11-12-2017, 09:10 PM
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Worrying about what my colleagues would think of me if I didn't have at least a glass of wine in hand, is what ultimately saw the end of my 3 year sobriety and the beginning of a 3 month relapse back into Hell.

My advice: prepare ahead of time if you know you are going to be around alcohol. "No thank you" is perfectly acceptable as a response and nothing more need be said.

In fact, I remember going to work dinners and being the only one not drinking, gave me a sense of pride.

Happy you didn't give in. For all you know, that drink could have been the beginning of the end.
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Old 11-12-2017, 09:15 PM
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People have hit rock bottom something awful and still came back.
I heard the story of a woman who after years and years of hitting rock bottom, secured 30 years of sobriety under her belt. She relapsed. Within two years she passed away from alcohol-related complications.

Everyone's journey is different. If your rock bottom lead you to commit to sobriety that is all that matters.
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Old 11-12-2017, 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by ForestFrenzy View Post
Worrying about what my colleagues would think of me if I didn't have at least a glass of wine in hand, is what ultimately saw the end of my 3 year sobriety and the beginning of a 3 month relapse back into Hell.

My advice: prepare ahead of time if you know you are going to be around alcohol. "No thank you" is perfectly acceptable as a response and nothing more need be said.

In fact, I remember going to work dinners and being the only one not drinking, gave me a sense of pride.

Happy you didn't give in. For all you know, that drink could have been the beginning of the end.
Exactly "no, thanks" is more that sufficient. I hate it when people ask WHY you are not drinking.

None of your damn business, no means no. There could be many reasons; antibiotics but they don't want to make a fuss, an early pregnancy, they simply don't like the taste and rarely drink...

or...

they are a recovering alcoholic.

I am already rehearsing in my head saying NO and standing my ground and not giving justifications. It is nobody's business.
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Old 11-12-2017, 09:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
Oh, the husband knows. He helped push me into recovery! I think he thought the one glass wouldn’t hurt. I know better.
My wife said something similar, when I was maybe 2 months sober, something like "I'm sure you'll get to the point where you can drink again", and my jaw kinda dropped - huh? I think she just didn't understand that sobriety must be permanent for those of us who went as far down the hole as I did, but I also think at some level she missed her drinking buddy/enabler. She rarely drinks now, and never around me, but it took time for us both to adapt to the new reality that I'm done forever with alcohol, and that I don't have any interest in going to events where the main focus is drinking.
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Old 11-13-2017, 03:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
At my husband’s gig. A woman I have a bit of a budding acquaintance with, I’m friends with her husband from work walked over to me, hugged me, and handed me the wine, I just said “oh thank you” and then because she could see me from across the room, just held onto it awkwardly.

Husband said, “you could just drink it,” and I ran that through my head for awhile. I didn’t really want the wine, and the ramifications of what it could mean to drink that wine went through my head, and then I REALLY didn’t want to drink it. After all: it could be just a glass of wine, or it could be the one glass of wine that night that becomes the one justification I tell myself for moderate drinking that lands me face down into a bender, a bender the likes of which this new friend of mine has possibly never seen from a peer, while not having a clue about the ramifications of that one glass of wine in my hands. The universe and her tests, I tell you. I had to actually chuckle a little.

I held it for a long time, gave it to my husband and he took a few sips, gave it back to me and I finally just left it on the bar.

Had a Diet Coke, hugged a bunch of friends, listened to a ton of live music, and drove my husband home.

Life is good.
Why did your husband suggest you drink the wine? Isn't he aware you can't drink period?

About the wine in hand: Two summers ago a fellow at a meeting shared basically the same story but without the happy ending.

He was at a party and handed a beer. Then without realizing it he took a few swigs. He immediately came to his senses and put the beer down.

The man doesn't consider what happened a slip (his call) and picked up a 3-year chip the following week,
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Old 11-13-2017, 04:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
Also, when you guys get to a point where you just know you won’t drink no matter what? I highly recommend going out. It’s fun, more fun actually because there’s very little chance for humiliation.
I have found this true in most cases - BUT I never accept a drink. That's dancing with the devil and nothing - especially "politeness" to a casual acquaintance is worth it.

I'll also add to the "no thanks" being sufficient- plenty of people don't drink. Truth! So a decline is truly no big deal - and what others think of us (IF THEY DO!) is absolutely not something that should be on my mind....

Last note- I have found that I have new "reflexes" when it comes to alcohol. I just don't drink, if asked (Such as a charity dinner after I declined the first glass) if I would be having any a "no, thanks" comes right out, etc.... To me, THAT is when you truly know you can have fun in any social situation. And, I have found that there are so many things I can be proud of, and holding a glass of wine without drinking it is definitely not one of them.

As the BB says- once our problem has been removed, we can go anywhere without fear - and I'd add that also means, why put ourselves anywhere that might prompt this kind of thing or any other that is particular to our lives? It's not for me.
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Old 11-13-2017, 06:44 AM
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Ok, Sassy. Hindsight is always 20/20, but here's what you should have done. The moment she handed you the wine, pretended to stumble, and spilled said wine all over her - hopefully - expensive dress. Then giggled, and said: "Oops, too much wine, already", followed by a burp...
Never again would she offer you a alcoholic drink. I guarantee it.
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Old 11-13-2017, 06:55 AM
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Just my $00.2, your hub really needs to learn to be more supportive. I'd be supremely pissed if my spouse did that to me.

You are an amazingly strong person. Well done!
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Old 11-13-2017, 06:58 AM
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Originally Posted by skyfullofstars View Post
Exactly "no, thanks" is more that sufficient. I hate it when people ask WHY you are not drinking.

None of your damn business, no means no. There could be many reasons; antibiotics but they don't want to make a fuss, an early pregnancy, they simply don't like the taste and rarely drink...

or...

they are a recovering alcoholic.

I am already rehearsing in my head saying NO and standing my ground and not giving justifications. It is nobody's business.
"I'd better not - I'm carrying too many loaded weapons" also works.
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Old 11-13-2017, 08:11 AM
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Lots of opinions here!

I don’t drink, so that’s the basic part, the rest of it all is just gravy however we feel like seasoning it. That’s the thing I can live with about sobriety: mine doesn’t look like yours....but we’re both still sober.
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Old 11-13-2017, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by ForestFrenzy View Post
Worrying about what my colleagues would think of me if I didn't have at least a glass of wine in hand, is what ultimately saw the end of my 3 year sobriety and the beginning of a 3 month relapse back into Hell.

My advice: prepare ahead of time if you know you are going to be around alcohol. "No thank you" is perfectly acceptable as a response and nothing more need be said.

In fact, I remember going to work dinners and being the only one not drinking, gave me a sense of pride.

Happy you didn't give in. For all you know, that drink could have been the beginning of the end.
My entire life is preparation, I begin and end each day with sobriety so there is no need to prepare myself before an event. That would be frightening to me if I had to mentlaly prepare myself not to drink everywhere I went. I simply don’t drink at all, and that informs my life wherever I go.
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Old 11-13-2017, 09:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
I simply don’t drink at all, and that informs my life wherever I go.
That is a great way to look at things Sassy. Having said that, i suggest you go back and re-read your original post in this thread. I could be wrong, but I sensed a lot of "questioning" going on in your mind during the incident. For example, you said that you "didn't really want the wine". If you simply don't drink at all, why might that thought even cross your mind do you think? It's a rhetorical question that i'd suggest you think about.

Not so long ago you wrote the following too...sometimes it's good to take a look back and make sure we remember why we are here in the first place

"Don't ever take your sobriety for granted. I don't care if you only have two days. That two days can be the start of the rest of your wonderful life...and if its not wonderful now it has the POTENTIAL to be without that ******** poison in your life."
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Old 11-13-2017, 10:16 AM
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I suppose that’s true, I did think it through for a second, I don’t know if I was actually considering it as I was reminding myself of how it goes with me + alcohol, a pretty painless little review, since I have already established that I don’t drink.

This perspective is important to me for several reasons. I’ve never had a sobriety like this: the kind where I feel like there’s this fence and I am firmly on the right side of it well into my second month, which has never been the case in the past, I have always been sitting right on top of that damned fence.

Believing this is important to me too, believing I am on the right side of sobriety is important, it is a form of faith actually, a faith I need right now. I have to believe I will not sink back into the death trap, with me: once I begin drinking again I never know how far down I will go and how long it will last, that is frankly a terrifying thought.
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Old 11-13-2017, 10:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
This perspective is important to me for several reasons. I’ve never had a sobriety like this: the kind where I feel like there’s this fence and I am firmly on the right side of it well into my second month, which has never been the case in the past, I have always been sitting right on top of that damned fence.

Believing this is important to me too, believing I am on the right side of sobriety is important, it is a form of faith actually, a faith I need right now. I have to believe I will not sink back into the death trap, with me: once I begin drinking again I never know how far down I will go and how long it will last, that is frankly a terrifying thought.
I think those are all great thoughts and definitely show that you are making a lot of progress, and I definitely was not suggesting that you are somehow "on the brink" - i was mainly pointing out that we all have to be vigilant. Certainly I don't spend every waking minute of the day on SR like I did when I first quit, and I go about most of my day without the thought of alcohol even entering my mind. But I still feel that it's important to remind myself on a daily basis why I'm here and that my addiction will never completely "go away". Coming here to SR and working with others really helps keep me grounded in that respect.
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Old 11-13-2017, 11:04 AM
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Thanks Scott: and I think that’s what SR is for also, when I review an alcohol related incident here, the people who are here helping me and investing in me staying sober....because as a community I like to think that all of our sobriety collectively matters here....they want to say “watch it and be careful” because they care about my sobriety, which is a good thing.
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