scaredikklegoth

I've been to pubs a few times since stopping drinking but that was during the day. Going after dark today was a new experience. My partner didn't drink as he was driving. Instead he got a coke, I had a hot chocolate and we split an ice cream sundae.

I looked over at the bar a few times but I didn't crave a drink. Mostly I just thought about how horrible alcohol tastes and how I can't stand the smell of beer.

Would it have been harder if we'd been with friends who were drinking? Perhaps. I honestly don't know. I know that my AV will start needling me once the baby comes but I'm going to tell it to sod off. Booze is gross and has had a grip on me for waaaaaaay too long. I'm just naturally a worrier which doesn't help.

Am I rambling? I think I am. Whelp, I'm going to keep coming back here, attending these online smart meetings (once I can get on there. Silly laptop died) and look into getting some counselling from someone who specialises in addiction.

Day 73

Dee74

My advice is to be careful - I went to the pub a few times with no problems, then walked s6traigh in and ordered a drink next time.

There must be cafes around where you can get your food, hot chocolate and cocacola?

D

grayghost1965

Reminds me of the guy that claimed to visit a brothel to hear the piano player....eventually.....

ForestFrenzy

THIS ^ ! I don't want to undermine your success, because on the whole, being around alcohol will at some point will be inevitable. And who doesn't love a hot chocolate on a November night?! So great job there!

But what Dee said resonated with me and I second it. My relapse was gradual at first; had a drink with a colleague and barely sipped it - I didn't want to drink it and forgot it was there beside me. I didn't want my co-worker to question why I wasn't drinking (STUPID!) Then a business dinner and some wine, and I was shaky from the one drink and hated it. More of the same over weeks and long story short: back to where I left off 3 years ago...

My lesson here is that 1. YES. I really am and always was an alcoholic. 2. No matter how many years sober I will (God willing) secure, if I don't' have to be, I will not put myself in a place of even minuscule possible temptation. Why? I hate crowds, noise, boisterous obnoxious drinkers, and smoke.

Just some passing thoughts as they come.

scaredikklegoth

Hmm, perhaps I'm tempting fate? I suppose I just want to be strong enough to go to pubs without giving in to temptation. Tbf, we did try 3 different cafes which were all shut before we went to the pub and I knew neither of us would be drinking.

As I said before, it's easy atm because of the baby. I think once the baby is here (not that I'll have lots of time for going out!) I should avoid pubs for a while until I'm on steadier ground? I sent out some enquiries to local therapists but am a bit daunted by the cost as they all want at least £40 per session which is a lot of money for me right now. Obviously I have more money now I'm not drinking and therapy is a worthwhile thing to do if it keeps me sober but we're saving to move (current flat is not suitable to remain in) and for the baby as there is so much we need to buy.

What do you guys think?

Dee74

Not putting myself in wet' places certainly worked for me.
I often speak of building sobriety muscles.

Noone lifts 300 pounds straight off - you work up to it.

I can go anywhere now and feel safe... but I had to work up to that.

D

scaredikklegoth

That's a great analogy! I suppose I did so well at that party I went to that I got a little cocky. I didn't give in, wasn't even tempted, but maybe next time I will be.

We've been going out for drives and going for pub lunches as we've always loved doing that and I never drank when we did as I wouldn't want the food, just more booze. But pubs in the evening are different; there's that air of 'time to get pissed' which is a dangerous thing.

ForestFrenzy

I am proud of you for staying sober whilst pregnant, but you're right to question how you will be once the baby comes. We have to be honest with ourselves and preemptive where we can.

You have nothing to prove; I understand the desire to be able to go places and not let your alcoholism limit where you go. But accepting limitations is part of sobriety, IMHO.

We both know it's a powerful, insidious and cunning preoccupation - dormant at its best. Why even tempt waking it up? For me, I was happily sober and content for three years and was too confident. I thought being around drinkers was no longer a problem. I was wrong.

Therapy is something I am currently contemplating and I think it's a great idea and a way to take that preemptive action; to prepare yourself after baby is here.

Berrybean

I agree with Dee about being careful.

As another UK based member though I would say that suprisingly enough actually, no after dark there aren't really any cafes open. Drives me batty here - where I live we have about 12 cafes (at least) open , but they all close at 6pm. Wouldn't you have thought just one or two might stay open a bit later?? UK is very pub based socially, and even the restaurants all have well-stocked bars and coktail menus.

The good side is that most foodie pubs have all their menus on line, including drinks menus. I always make sure I've decided ahead of time what I'm going to order(first choice and reserve choice) if I'm going to visit. And if I'm feeling at all off-par I don't go there. Oh, and I try to it in the restaurant area rather than the bar area as well.

Took a while to feel comfortable in that situation though, and I'd much rather go to a cafe in the day than a pub in the evening even now at 3 years 8 months sober.

BB

scaredikklegoth

Yep, we do like our pubs here and could definitely do with some late night cafes!

I think I shall stay away from pubs at night, especially when the baby comes, as the temptation is too much of a risk. I heard back from one of the therapists that I contacted and she said she may be able to offer therapy at a slightly reduced rate which would be great for me as I know I will absolutely need support in place for when baby comes.

NYCDoglvr

My advice is to stay away from pubs for a while. You're testing your disease by being in a place where you drank.

tomsteve

its all about the motive.i have no reason to go to a bar for hot chocolate and ice cream when theres restuarants everywhere that serve them

working on getting away from temptation, then walking smack dab into it- thats pretty insane.

ScottFromWI

That sounds like a wise plan, both on the pub front and on continuing to seek therapy. Even though I "can", I really don't go to bars at all anymore. The main reason bars exist is to serve alcohol, and since I don't drink it anymore I don't see a need to go there.

scaredikklegoth

Makes sense, Scott. Here in the UK, pubs during the day are more like cafes so I haven't had any issue with that. But going there at night was definitely different and a bit dangerous so I won't be doing that.

Stayingsassy

My middle chIld works at Starbucks when she’s not at uni and one night I went to pick her up. It was literally crawling with millennials at 10pm! I was impressed, seeing what looks like young people out for coffee drinks rather than booze, now I know why the young people aren’t at my husbands gigs. There is definitely more of a non drinking trend in the US with our youth. My 19 and 21 year old do not drink at all.

So yeah some people do just go out for a hot chocolate!

scaredikklegoth

Not in my area. You need a reservation to go to any restaurant on a Saturday night and every cafe we tried was shut and we'd been to this pub before as it's a gastro, kid friendly place. Not like I went to a nightclub and started doing shots. I agree that going to pubs at night is dangerous and won't do it anymore.

scaredikklegoth

That's they do and good on them! Unfortunately, all the Cafes round here shut at 6pm even on the weekends which is a big pain!

scaredikklegoth

Thanks very much ^_^ I'm glad things are going well for you and I agree that therapy is worth it, especially when you're an alcoholic as it's the sort of intense support we're in dire need of. I have my first session on 27th of this month so I hope it goes well.

SoberCAH

I certainly don't "test" my sobriety.

I couldn't be around alcohol for a pretty good while, although now it doesn't bother me.

Getting and staying sober has required considerable sacrifice on my part, but it has certainly been worth it.