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Went to the pub - had a hot chocolate

Old 11-11-2017, 06:36 PM
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Went to the pub - had a hot chocolate

I've been to pubs a few times since stopping drinking but that was during the day. Going after dark today was a new experience. My partner didn't drink as he was driving. Instead he got a coke, I had a hot chocolate and we split an ice cream sundae.

I looked over at the bar a few times but I didn't crave a drink. Mostly I just thought about how horrible alcohol tastes and how I can't stand the smell of beer.

Would it have been harder if we'd been with friends who were drinking? Perhaps. I honestly don't know. I know that my AV will start needling me once the baby comes but I'm going to tell it to sod off. Booze is gross and has had a grip on me for waaaaaaay too long. I'm just naturally a worrier which doesn't help.

Am I rambling? I think I am. Whelp, I'm going to keep coming back here, attending these online smart meetings (once I can get on there. Silly laptop died) and look into getting some counselling from someone who specialises in addiction.

Day 73
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Old 11-11-2017, 06:40 PM
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My advice is to be careful - I went to the pub a few times with no problems, then walked s6traigh in and ordered a drink next time.

There must be cafes around where you can get your food, hot chocolate and cocacola?

D
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Old 11-11-2017, 06:46 PM
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Reminds me of the guy that claimed to visit a brothel to hear the piano player....eventually.....
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Old 11-11-2017, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
My advice is to be careful - I went to the pub a few times with no problems, then walked s6traigh in and ordered a drink next time.

There must be cafes around where you can get your food, hot chocolate and cocacola?

D
THIS ^ ! I don't want to undermine your success, because on the whole, being around alcohol will at some point will be inevitable. And who doesn't love a hot chocolate on a November night?! So great job there!

But what Dee said resonated with me and I second it. My relapse was gradual at first; had a drink with a colleague and barely sipped it - I didn't want to drink it and forgot it was there beside me. I didn't want my co-worker to question why I wasn't drinking (STUPID!) Then a business dinner and some wine, and I was shaky from the one drink and hated it. More of the same over weeks and long story short: back to where I left off 3 years ago...

My lesson here is that 1. YES. I really am and always was an alcoholic. 2. No matter how many years sober I will (God willing) secure, if I don't' have to be, I will not put myself in a place of even minuscule possible temptation. Why? I hate crowds, noise, boisterous obnoxious drinkers, and smoke.

Just some passing thoughts as they come.
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:17 PM
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Hmm, perhaps I'm tempting fate? I suppose I just want to be strong enough to go to pubs without giving in to temptation. Tbf, we did try 3 different cafes which were all shut before we went to the pub and I knew neither of us would be drinking.

As I said before, it's easy atm because of the baby. I think once the baby is here (not that I'll have lots of time for going out!) I should avoid pubs for a while until I'm on steadier ground? I sent out some enquiries to local therapists but am a bit daunted by the cost as they all want at least £40 per session which is a lot of money for me right now. Obviously I have more money now I'm not drinking and therapy is a worthwhile thing to do if it keeps me sober but we're saving to move (current flat is not suitable to remain in) and for the baby as there is so much we need to buy.

What do you guys think?

Last edited by scaredikklegoth; 11-11-2017 at 07:19 PM. Reason: Typo
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:31 PM
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Not putting myself in wet' places certainly worked for me.
I often speak of building sobriety muscles.

Noone lifts 300 pounds straight off - you work up to it.

I can go anywhere now and feel safe... but I had to work up to that.

D
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Not putting myself in wet' places certainly worked for me.
I often speak of building sobriety muscles.

Noone lifts 300 pounds straight off - you work up to it.

I can go anywhere now and feel safe... but I had to work up to that.

D
That's a great analogy! I suppose I did so well at that party I went to that I got a little cocky. I didn't give in, wasn't even tempted, but maybe next time I will be.

We've been going out for drives and going for pub lunches as we've always loved doing that and I never drank when we did as I wouldn't want the food, just more booze. But pubs in the evening are different; there's that air of 'time to get pissed' which is a dangerous thing.
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Old 11-11-2017, 11:18 PM
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I am proud of you for staying sober whilst pregnant, but you're right to question how you will be once the baby comes. We have to be honest with ourselves and preemptive where we can.

You have nothing to prove; I understand the desire to be able to go places and not let your alcoholism limit where you go. But accepting limitations is part of sobriety, IMHO.

We both know it's a powerful, insidious and cunning preoccupation - dormant at its best. Why even tempt waking it up? For me, I was happily sober and content for three years and was too confident. I thought being around drinkers was no longer a problem. I was wrong.

Therapy is something I am currently contemplating and I think it's a great idea and a way to take that preemptive action; to prepare yourself after baby is here.
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Old 11-11-2017, 11:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
My advice is to be careful - I went to the pub a few times with no problems, then walked s6traigh in and ordered a drink next time.

There must be cafes around where you can get your food, hot chocolate and cocacola?

D
I agree with Dee about being careful.

As another UK based member though I would say that suprisingly enough actually, no after dark there aren't really any cafes open. Drives me batty here - where I live we have about 12 cafes (at least) open , but they all close at 6pm. Wouldn't you have thought just one or two might stay open a bit later?? UK is very pub based socially, and even the restaurants all have well-stocked bars and coktail menus.

The good side is that most foodie pubs have all their menus on line, including drinks menus. I always make sure I've decided ahead of time what I'm going to order(first choice and reserve choice) if I'm going to visit. And if I'm feeling at all off-par I don't go there. Oh, and I try to it in the restaurant area rather than the bar area as well.

Took a while to feel comfortable in that situation though, and I'd much rather go to a cafe in the day than a pub in the evening even now at 3 years 8 months sober.

BB
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Old 11-12-2017, 05:12 AM
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Yep, we do like our pubs here and could definitely do with some late night cafes!

I think I shall stay away from pubs at night, especially when the baby comes, as the temptation is too much of a risk. I heard back from one of the therapists that I contacted and she said she may be able to offer therapy at a slightly reduced rate which would be great for me as I know I will absolutely need support in place for when baby comes.
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Old 11-12-2017, 11:54 AM
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My advice is to stay away from pubs for a while. You're testing your disease by being in a place where you drank.
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Old 11-13-2017, 07:00 AM
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its all about the motive.i have no reason to go to a bar for hot chocolate and ice cream when theres restuarants everywhere that serve them

working on getting away from temptation, then walking smack dab into it- thats pretty insane.
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Old 11-13-2017, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by scaredikklegoth View Post
I think I shall stay away from pubs at night, especially when the baby comes, as the temptation is too much of a risk. I heard back from one of the therapists that I contacted and she said she may be able to offer therapy at a slightly reduced rate which would be great for me as I know I will absolutely need support in place for when baby comes.
That sounds like a wise plan, both on the pub front and on continuing to seek therapy. Even though I "can", I really don't go to bars at all anymore. The main reason bars exist is to serve alcohol, and since I don't drink it anymore I don't see a need to go there.
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Old 11-13-2017, 09:47 AM
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Makes sense, Scott. Here in the UK, pubs during the day are more like cafes so I haven't had any issue with that. But going there at night was definitely different and a bit dangerous so I won't be doing that.
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Old 11-13-2017, 11:24 AM
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My middle chIld works at Starbucks when she’s not at uni and one night I went to pick her up. It was literally crawling with millennials at 10pm! I was impressed, seeing what looks like young people out for coffee drinks rather than booze, now I know why the young people aren’t at my husbands gigs. There is definitely more of a non drinking trend in the US with our youth. My 19 and 21 year old do not drink at all.

So yeah some people do just go out for a hot chocolate!
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Old 11-13-2017, 11:58 AM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
its all about the motive.i have no reason to go to a bar for hot chocolate and ice cream when theres restuarants everywhere that serve them

working on getting away from temptation, then walking smack dab into it- thats pretty insane.
Not in my area. You need a reservation to go to any restaurant on a Saturday night and every cafe we tried was shut and we'd been to this pub before as it's a gastro, kid friendly place. Not like I went to a nightclub and started doing shots. I agree that going to pubs at night is dangerous and won't do it anymore.
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Old 11-13-2017, 12:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
My middle chIld works at Starbucks when she’s not at uni and one night I went to pick her up. It was literally crawling with millennials at 10pm! I was impressed, seeing what looks like young people out for coffee drinks rather than booze, now I know why the young people aren’t at my husbands gigs. There is definitely more of a non drinking trend in the US with our youth. My 19 and 21 year old do not drink at all.

So yeah some people do just go out for a hot chocolate!
That's they do and good on them! Unfortunately, all the Cafes round here shut at 6pm even on the weekends which is a big pain!
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Old 11-13-2017, 12:31 PM
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Originally Posted by sylvie83 View Post
Therapy felt so expensive to me but now I realise there are so many things I really don't need that I happily spend on....and therapy to me is the most important thing in my life right now. It has turned my life around and means the rest of my life progresses....I have more work...my confidence grows....I have the guts to start enforcing boundaries which means I no longer work for free unless I really want to and feel more able to ask for what I deserve....the list goes on.

REALLY well done with the hot choc session. Sounded really nice.
Good luck with the ongoing journey and the bub
Thanks very much ^_^ I'm glad things are going well for you and I agree that therapy is worth it, especially when you're an alcoholic as it's the sort of intense support we're in dire need of. I have my first session on 27th of this month so I hope it goes well.
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Old 11-13-2017, 01:00 PM
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I certainly don't "test" my sobriety.

I couldn't be around alcohol for a pretty good while, although now it doesn't bother me.

Getting and staying sober has required considerable sacrifice on my part, but it has certainly been worth it.
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