Sarcasm not suited to this forum
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Sarcasm not suited to this forum
This forum, I think, was began, and still is, meant for people who seek help and support and answers for their addiction. Also for us to share our experiences and heartaches and other ups and downs.
What we - myself, least of all - do NOT need, is other forum users/participants', sarcasm on posts they do not agree with. If you don't agree with me on something, say it, I say; but keep your sarcasm, or what you might perceive as "witty remarks" to yourself, please. I really don't need them, and neither, I am sure, does the other people on SR.
Perhaps another Forum, where sarcasm and wit and snotty remarks are the norm, might be better suited to your particular needs?? Just my opinion, but I'm sure it's shared by many of us?
What we - myself, least of all - do NOT need, is other forum users/participants', sarcasm on posts they do not agree with. If you don't agree with me on something, say it, I say; but keep your sarcasm, or what you might perceive as "witty remarks" to yourself, please. I really don't need them, and neither, I am sure, does the other people on SR.
Perhaps another Forum, where sarcasm and wit and snotty remarks are the norm, might be better suited to your particular needs?? Just my opinion, but I'm sure it's shared by many of us?
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
Minutes???
The only time yone reports back on minutes (in my experience of going to prob about 500 meetings) is on the rare occassions that someone has been to an Intergroup meeting and is reporting back to their own group.
Are you sure you went into the right meeting?
BB
Go to relapseprevention.co.za Berrybean, if you doubt my word. Group meetings are now ONCE A MONTH. (I went to the Moreleta Group). And yes, they did then, and I think still have, "roll-call" to make sure all who HAD to be there, WERE/ARE there. And, yes, friend, I went to the right meeting, and I do know what "minutes" are. (Unless discussing and reading back what took place at the previous meeting is called something else now? In which case, I apologize for my ignorance). Lastly - may I remind you that I live in South Africa, and not a first-world country like the USA or UK. Will PM this to you as well, in case you "happen to miss" it...
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I get by with a little help from my friends... "
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I brought this quote over to your new thread because I didn't want to divert the other thread.
I am guessing that your post about sarcasm has something to do with the responses that came your way about the strange AA meeting you attended. It sounded strange to me too, so I took a look at the link you put up, and it appears you went to a completely different organisation. In AA, the term "relapse prevention" is oxymoronic. We dont use tricks and strategies, therapeutic remedies etc to stay sober. Our program is about a life changing spiritual experience which results in permanent sobriety. When we are beyond human aid, that means we cant keep ourselves sober. We lack the power. The only worthwhile thing I learned from my relapses was that I needed AA.
Here is a link to an AA pamphlet entitled "The AA Group". It is very comprehensive and gives a good outline of all the different types of meetings a group may hold, and how they run. I couldn't find anything close to your experience apart from periodic business or group conscience meetings.
Anyway, have a read and you will hopefully be better informed.
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-16_theaagroup.pdf
Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
Minutes???
The only time yone reports back on minutes (in my experience of going to prob about 500 meetings) is on the rare occassions that someone has been to an Intergroup meeting and is reporting back to their own group.
Are you sure you went into the right meeting?
BB
Go to relapseprevention.co.za Berrybean, if you doubt my word. Group meetings are now ONCE A MONTH. (I went to the Moreleta Group). And yes, they did then, and I think still have, "roll-call" to make sure all who HAD to be there, WERE/ARE there. And, yes, friend, I went to the right meeting, and I do know what "minutes" are. (Unless discussing and reading back what took place at the previous meeting is called something else now? In which case, I apologize for my ignorance). Lastly - may I remind you that I live in South Africa, and not a first-world country like the USA or UK. Will PM this to you as well, in case you "happen to miss" it...
__________________
I get by with a little help from my friends... "
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I brought this quote over to your new thread because I didn't want to divert the other thread.
I am guessing that your post about sarcasm has something to do with the responses that came your way about the strange AA meeting you attended. It sounded strange to me too, so I took a look at the link you put up, and it appears you went to a completely different organisation. In AA, the term "relapse prevention" is oxymoronic. We dont use tricks and strategies, therapeutic remedies etc to stay sober. Our program is about a life changing spiritual experience which results in permanent sobriety. When we are beyond human aid, that means we cant keep ourselves sober. We lack the power. The only worthwhile thing I learned from my relapses was that I needed AA.
Here is a link to an AA pamphlet entitled "The AA Group". It is very comprehensive and gives a good outline of all the different types of meetings a group may hold, and how they run. I couldn't find anything close to your experience apart from periodic business or group conscience meetings.
Anyway, have a read and you will hopefully be better informed.
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-16_theaagroup.pdf
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
As usual, agree with Mike - and I'd add that tone (read: sarcasm, in this case) is sometimes quite hard to interpret in this kind of forum....and taking offense (perhaps easily- and I am not thinking of you, but of another post who capitalized a word and then sarcastically (it seemed to me, but maybe it wasn't) to Dee's comment about no thread violations used the word "dogma" which in the context used - religion/AA- can seem inflammatory and rude).
I gotta circle back to the part of the Big Book that says, to paraphrase, stick to our own business and when we are disturbed about something, look at why- on our end. IRL this means, in part - I cannot ascribe intent (here, tone) because I really don't know and if something offends me, I'm best suited to respond (if I do at all) with my own ESH than passive aggressively or directly attack/respond to the other person.
Just my $0.02.
I gotta circle back to the part of the Big Book that says, to paraphrase, stick to our own business and when we are disturbed about something, look at why- on our end. IRL this means, in part - I cannot ascribe intent (here, tone) because I really don't know and if something offends me, I'm best suited to respond (if I do at all) with my own ESH than passive aggressively or directly attack/respond to the other person.
Just my $0.02.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
corriec, im not sure if your aware of it, but there is an ignore feature you can use so ya dont have to see some peoples' posts.
if ya click in that persons name and go down the list, it should say,"add__________ to your ignore list."
if ya click in that persons name and go down the list, it should say,"add__________ to your ignore list."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi.
I can only apologise if you thought I was being sarcastic. That really isn't my style on here and it wasn't my intent this morning either. I was genuinely wondering if it was a general AA meeting (and not a group conscious or business meeting - those aren't the same format at all as a group meeting ).
Anyway. It sounds like perhaps it wasn't an AA meeting anyways which might explain why it was so different.
So apologies again for any crossed wires. I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often considering the differences in location culture and language that is encompassed in this community.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
I can only apologise if you thought I was being sarcastic. That really isn't my style on here and it wasn't my intent this morning either. I was genuinely wondering if it was a general AA meeting (and not a group conscious or business meeting - those aren't the same format at all as a group meeting ).
Anyway. It sounds like perhaps it wasn't an AA meeting anyways which might explain why it was so different.
So apologies again for any crossed wires. I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often considering the differences in location culture and language that is encompassed in this community.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Early in sobriety I used the ignore button a lot as "Alcoholics are sensitive people."
As time moves on I have become more tolerant of others but also more discerning of individual post and threads. If I remained only open to those with whom I agreed with, growth was stunted. A jerk is a jerk - but at times it turns out that's me.
As time moves on I have become more tolerant of others but also more discerning of individual post and threads. If I remained only open to those with whom I agreed with, growth was stunted. A jerk is a jerk - but at times it turns out that's me.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
As Dee mentions, we do have a system to help keep SR a friendly and supportive forum. We all deal with things differently and sarcasm is one of those things that can be taken all kinds of different ways. There is the ignore feature of course, and you can also always report individual posts to the moderators by clicking on the little white/red triangle.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
Originally Posted by Fly N Buy 
Early in sobriety I used the ignore button a lot as "Alcoholics are sensitive people."
As time moves on I have become more tolerant of others but also more discerning of individual post and threads. If I remained only open to those with whom I agreed with, growth was stunted. A jerk is a jerk - but at times it turns out that's me.
As time moves on I have become more tolerant of others but also more discerning of individual post and threads. If I remained only open to those with whom I agreed with, growth was stunted. A jerk is a jerk - but at times it turns out that's me.
One of the reasons I've backed out a lot from the recovery world, meetings etc., is to reduce the level of drama in my life, and as alcoholics and for a while (at least) as recovering alcoholics, we tend to create a lot of unnecessary drama. I'm guilty of it too. And we can easily get sucked into drama other people create.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 167
I am glad this is resolved between you two but my observation is, and I've seen this in other forums.... i wrote this before i saw it was resolved ...
Psychologists may also say that we project ( projection ) things on others who have the same traits that we have that we don't like in ourselves.
Creating a post with a sideways communication title - like "some people on this forum are A-holes that upset me, i hope you join me in agreement . . . . " rather than sending a PM to the person you are miffed at, is like the kinda thing we did in grade school, and many of us included myself resort back to this .. and i feel crappy when i read the title because i am guilty of being a jerk and pissing people off that i didn't want to **** off and then sometimes losing friends or hurting friendships.
Sometimes now at my age I have developed some wisdom. In the past i may have been too quick to write something and hit the REPLY too fast, and now i will write something nasty and then reread it and just delete it. let it go, i can't be bothered with getting sucked into the rabbit hole of some opinion that is just going to grind my gears and make me want to drink and smoke.... anger and upset is GREAT for making that AV active, and then you have to worry about that trigger as well as the argument... the snowball gets bigger.
I think all of us boozers have a healthy sarcastic personality and sense of humour, sometimes it gets us into trouble when we feel good and sometimes when we feel crappy, tired, and moody.
Quitting drinking is part of a good beginning way of kissing that passive-aggressive, sarcastic, sensitive, and insensitive "drinkers personality trait" away.
I would agree that I am guilty, i would agree that I can be insensitive when people need me to be sensitive.
Today i need the serenity prayer . . . a lot.
Originally Posted by corriec
Was it Churchill who said: "The wittiest remarks are usually made by those who lost half of their own (wit)..."?
Very true, I think.
Very true, I think.
Creating a post with a sideways communication title - like "some people on this forum are A-holes that upset me, i hope you join me in agreement . . . . " rather than sending a PM to the person you are miffed at, is like the kinda thing we did in grade school, and many of us included myself resort back to this .. and i feel crappy when i read the title because i am guilty of being a jerk and pissing people off that i didn't want to **** off and then sometimes losing friends or hurting friendships.
Sometimes now at my age I have developed some wisdom. In the past i may have been too quick to write something and hit the REPLY too fast, and now i will write something nasty and then reread it and just delete it. let it go, i can't be bothered with getting sucked into the rabbit hole of some opinion that is just going to grind my gears and make me want to drink and smoke.... anger and upset is GREAT for making that AV active, and then you have to worry about that trigger as well as the argument... the snowball gets bigger.
I think all of us boozers have a healthy sarcastic personality and sense of humour, sometimes it gets us into trouble when we feel good and sometimes when we feel crappy, tired, and moody.
Quitting drinking is part of a good beginning way of kissing that passive-aggressive, sarcastic, sensitive, and insensitive "drinkers personality trait" away.
I would agree that I am guilty, i would agree that I can be insensitive when people need me to be sensitive.
Today i need the serenity prayer . . . a lot.
Last edited by Bob4x4; 11-09-2017 at 07:14 AM. Reason: ugg, what a topic
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Shoot, I used the word "dogma" in my own thread just now. I'm sorry.
I don't really know what I'm supposed to say or not say. I started that thread to explore my options for staying sober, which is my highest priority, now that I've gotten sober, and instead I seem to have only started arguments.
I don't really know what I'm supposed to say or not say. I started that thread to explore my options for staying sober, which is my highest priority, now that I've gotten sober, and instead I seem to have only started arguments.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
I find myself deleting many posts before they go up these days...no particular reason I just ask myself more often if what I am about to say is genuinely useful!
And arguments are not the end of the world. There is a fine line between an argument and a heated (but interesting) debate. The trick - as with sarcasm - is to try not to direct it at people as a cover for hostility....or so I think. If you feel strongly attack the argument, not the man - or perhaps the principle not the organisation? And I always try and remember I may be mistaken at any given time. I've learned very much around here by being willing to question my own perspective.
All is usually good in these discussions. They are food for thought and any damage can soon blow over.
P
And arguments are not the end of the world. There is a fine line between an argument and a heated (but interesting) debate. The trick - as with sarcasm - is to try not to direct it at people as a cover for hostility....or so I think. If you feel strongly attack the argument, not the man - or perhaps the principle not the organisation? And I always try and remember I may be mistaken at any given time. I've learned very much around here by being willing to question my own perspective.
All is usually good in these discussions. They are food for thought and any damage can soon blow over.
P
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You are right, Bob. I suppose I did over-react. And I am sorry if I/it was childish and/or uncalled for. Just the (sometimes, very unnecessary) old habit of striking back at the smallest imagined snub. That niggling, deep down sense of inferiority and guilt we all fight to overcome. Sorry again.
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lol - just like any family, we have our moments on here, but you know - I do believe that underneath it all is a genuine concern for folks recovery. None of us are perfect and there WILL be the odd misunderstanding. As long as we're all willing to smooth out the wrinkles thats the main thing isn't it?
Principles over personalities and all that.
BB
Principles over personalities and all that.
BB
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