First AA lead
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
First AA lead
I made my first AA lead yesterday.
It lasted 31 minutes (someone recorded it) and it went very well. I got a lot of good comments and it was a packed room - over 60 people.
For months leading up to this lead I must have went over it in my head hundreds of times; I even wrote out a whole lead. I did write out a bunch of notes for the lead but I abandoned them quickly.
I was really nervous before I started and felt like running out of there but a few minutes into it I was OK. My sponsor couldn't believe how well I did for my first lead, he has been in the rooms for 42 years so he has seen thousands of leads.
Of course since I abandoned my notes their were many things I wish I would have said but I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
The only thing that bothers me is that I revealed some of the horrible things I did in my past to a whole group of people - and I can't help feeling I will be judged.
Many people commented that they only know me as a nice guy and can't believe I did all the terrible things I did.
Lead number 2 is scheduled for December 14!!!
It lasted 31 minutes (someone recorded it) and it went very well. I got a lot of good comments and it was a packed room - over 60 people.
For months leading up to this lead I must have went over it in my head hundreds of times; I even wrote out a whole lead. I did write out a bunch of notes for the lead but I abandoned them quickly.
I was really nervous before I started and felt like running out of there but a few minutes into it I was OK. My sponsor couldn't believe how well I did for my first lead, he has been in the rooms for 42 years so he has seen thousands of leads.
Of course since I abandoned my notes their were many things I wish I would have said but I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
The only thing that bothers me is that I revealed some of the horrible things I did in my past to a whole group of people - and I can't help feeling I will be judged.
Many people commented that they only know me as a nice guy and can't believe I did all the terrible things I did.
Lead number 2 is scheduled for December 14!!!
Soberado
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Cleveland Ohio-ish
Posts: 395
Great job, public speaking is tough for a lot of people; I commend you on 31 minutes. It's good to purge all of the bad stuff we alcoholics did while drinking by verbally putting it out there, we need to make more room in our heads for good stuff in our lives being sober.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Originally Posted by SteelRes211 
. It's good to purge all of the bad stuff we alcoholics did while drinking by verbally putting it out there, we need to make more room in our heads for good stuff in our lives being sober.
I do feel a lot better today.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Doug,
Well done. It sounds like your lead went down very well. I am a little bit concerned over getting dark secrets out in meetings. I am not suggesting you did this, and we all have different values so what is very bad for you, might be a minor thing for me, but the big book says our stories disclose in a "general" way for very good reasons. Meetings are not a forum for fifth step confessions.
People in AA are not usually that judgmental, but I have seen serious problems where a member later regretted sharing in depth. Usually, if someone does that, we will try to advise them that discretion in what we share is vitally important.
One reason is that there is no legal confidentiality. People have been arrested for what they said they did in a meeting. Another reason is not all members have your best interests at heart and may exploit their new found knowledge of you.
I guess another important thing is that if nobody else ever shares the same sorts of things, it can start to feel a bit lonely. In my case I never heard specifics of what I didin meetings, only general stuff. As a result I thought I must be the worst person ever to come to AA and I didn't get past that until step five where, in a confidential and private setting, my sponsor share some of his fifth step and I realised I was quite an ordinary alcoholic after all.
And I can guarantee that there is nothing you have done or thought about doing that I haven't done or thought about doing. There are no saints in AA
Well done. It sounds like your lead went down very well. I am a little bit concerned over getting dark secrets out in meetings. I am not suggesting you did this, and we all have different values so what is very bad for you, might be a minor thing for me, but the big book says our stories disclose in a "general" way for very good reasons. Meetings are not a forum for fifth step confessions.
People in AA are not usually that judgmental, but I have seen serious problems where a member later regretted sharing in depth. Usually, if someone does that, we will try to advise them that discretion in what we share is vitally important.
One reason is that there is no legal confidentiality. People have been arrested for what they said they did in a meeting. Another reason is not all members have your best interests at heart and may exploit their new found knowledge of you.
I guess another important thing is that if nobody else ever shares the same sorts of things, it can start to feel a bit lonely. In my case I never heard specifics of what I didin meetings, only general stuff. As a result I thought I must be the worst person ever to come to AA and I didn't get past that until step five where, in a confidential and private setting, my sponsor share some of his fifth step and I realised I was quite an ordinary alcoholic after all.
And I can guarantee that there is nothing you have done or thought about doing that I haven't done or thought about doing. There are no saints in AA
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Congrats and good job!
I wouldn't worry about whatever you said. If you're in a room of true alcoholics then no one was listening anyways. They were only thinking about themselves. hahaha j/k.
Good job and keep up the good work.
I wouldn't worry about whatever you said. If you're in a room of true alcoholics then no one was listening anyways. They were only thinking about themselves. hahaha j/k.
Good job and keep up the good work.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Originally Posted by Gottalife
the big book says our stories disclose in a "general" way for very good reasons. Meetings are not a forum for fifth step confessions.
The main point I wanted to get across was that anyone can change for the good and with the help of AA and God it is a lot easier.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Originally Posted by Done4today
I wouldn't worry about whatever you said. If you're in a room of true alcoholics then no one was listening anyways. They were only thinking about themselves. .
I know I am consumed with myself - it is one of my biggest defects that I struggle with.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Doug39
The only thing that bothers me is that I revealed some of the horrible things I did in my past to a whole group of people - and I can't help feeling I will be judged.
Many people commented that they only know me as a nice guy and can't believe I did all the terrible things I did.
Lead number 2 is scheduled for December 14!!!
Many people commented that they only know me as a nice guy and can't believe I did all the terrible things I did.
Lead number 2 is scheduled for December 14!!!
Forgive me for labouring a point Doug, but there is advice in the thread that bearing your soul in a meeting is a good thing to do. What you wrote above did not soud that general. In my early sobriety I saw a newcomer do exactly that, then a few days later regretted it so much that he killed himself.
Just as an example of what I believe is meant by general, the specifics of say I got a series of convictions for car theft, burglary, and assault, becomes the general my drinking episodes got me in trouble with the law.
Or another example of a person I knew many years ago - "I once pushed my girlfriend's face into a charcoal grill and held it there scarring her badly" becomes the general when drunk I sometimes got violent and really hurt the people or person closest to me.
One of the other problems with specifics like the one about the girlfriend is that there will likely be women in the meeting who have been traumatised by similar events, and when a man stands up and shares in detail about that sort of abuse, it scares the heck out of them. It is one of the main reasons some AA women have told me for starting a womens group. It can be very damaging to one's self and others to reveal too much.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Congrats!
I am really curious how meetings go elsewhere and there are such differences! Here we would NEVER get a huge group like 60.
Also the whole meeting is usually 30 minutes total, not just the lead.
Very interesting, it sounds great.
I am really curious how meetings go elsewhere and there are such differences! Here we would NEVER get a huge group like 60.
Also the whole meeting is usually 30 minutes total, not just the lead.
Very interesting, it sounds great.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Doug, your lead sounds wonderful, as was your share here on SR. Thanks.
What is revealed in a share, and how much, seems to be a fine line, and I agree that one must tread very lightly when it comes to shares about physically harming people and physical abuse.
Personally the completely open and honest stories are generally what I most relate to.
The advice about the anonymity not being legally binding was something I hadn't thought about.
The "rawest" meetings I've been to are QUILTBAG CA meetings. Not a lot of holding back there.
One of the things I like the most about AA is you can tell the most horrific personal anecdotes and people are like "Yeah, I've been there," or they even are taken with humor. It's one of the few places where you CAN talk about these things. Non-addicts generally don't get it, and might be quite shocked by your revelations. In meetings? Not so much. We all get it.
What is revealed in a share, and how much, seems to be a fine line, and I agree that one must tread very lightly when it comes to shares about physically harming people and physical abuse.
Personally the completely open and honest stories are generally what I most relate to.
The advice about the anonymity not being legally binding was something I hadn't thought about.
The "rawest" meetings I've been to are QUILTBAG CA meetings. Not a lot of holding back there.
One of the things I like the most about AA is you can tell the most horrific personal anecdotes and people are like "Yeah, I've been there," or they even are taken with humor. It's one of the few places where you CAN talk about these things. Non-addicts generally don't get it, and might be quite shocked by your revelations. In meetings? Not so much. We all get it.
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