Why are we addicted to drama and chaos?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Pathwaytofree 
So how do we retrain our brains to not want to release those chemicals?
What we can do is learn to pause. To not be so reactive. To pray and ask our HP to guide us. And to seek advise from our sponsors if we're struggling.
"Don't just do something - stand there."
Most of us have a sence that we are 'growing up' in sobriety / in AA. I certainly did. I think the 'reacting less and thinking more' so that I behave with integrity is one of those things of growing up in sobriety. I'm learning in my 40's what I should have been learning in my teens I suppose.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
I grew up in a chaotic, drama filled environment dating back many generations and in my whole extended family, so I thought that was what life was like.
I can also see it was useful distractions to everyone. Focus on other family members "shortcomings" so you can ignore your own.
It was only later in my life I discovered there were other ways to live.
As mentioned in earlier posts, when drama was at full tilt, the body releases all kinds of "exciting" chemicals. Made me feel alive and thrilled.
I learnt to replace that rush of unhealthy chemicals with a steady, slow release of healthy chemicals. Took a lot of getting used to as much more subtle feeling. But it is constant rather than enormous highs then crashing lows. For me it was healthy food at regular mealtimes, gentle exercise, quiet time on my own, hobbies, avoiding other peoples drama as much as I realistically could. Mindfulness. If I felt myself falling into old behaviours, I got off that path.
As time has gone on, now when I see drama or hear gossip or people being bad mouthed, it doesn't release that "exciting" thrill in me. It is plain old dull. Doesn't hook me in.
I didn't know I would get to that place. I did in a strange way mourn the loss of that rollercoaster ride but ultimately accepted it.
I can also see it was useful distractions to everyone. Focus on other family members "shortcomings" so you can ignore your own.
It was only later in my life I discovered there were other ways to live.
As mentioned in earlier posts, when drama was at full tilt, the body releases all kinds of "exciting" chemicals. Made me feel alive and thrilled.
I learnt to replace that rush of unhealthy chemicals with a steady, slow release of healthy chemicals. Took a lot of getting used to as much more subtle feeling. But it is constant rather than enormous highs then crashing lows. For me it was healthy food at regular mealtimes, gentle exercise, quiet time on my own, hobbies, avoiding other peoples drama as much as I realistically could. Mindfulness. If I felt myself falling into old behaviours, I got off that path.
As time has gone on, now when I see drama or hear gossip or people being bad mouthed, it doesn't release that "exciting" thrill in me. It is plain old dull. Doesn't hook me in.
I didn't know I would get to that place. I did in a strange way mourn the loss of that rollercoaster ride but ultimately accepted it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
yeah i like the chaotic childhood we know no different coem adult time. so when things start to calm down and get manageable we go and kick up the dust and start up a bunch of BS.
I know when things are too calm i tend to get that boredom itch many get. But since I got sober I've learned it is ok for things to be boring it can be rather enjoyable too.
I know when things are too calm i tend to get that boredom itch many get. But since I got sober I've learned it is ok for things to be boring it can be rather enjoyable too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Originally Posted by Pathwaytofree
I wonder if it stems from childhood. There was a lot of drama and chaos in my family life. I hated it but it was the family norm.
I want to have every day be an average day. I'm so sick and tired of the drama/chaos that's still in my life (though nowhere near what it used to be), but it's as if it's all my mind knows how to operate.
My therapist has just begun to teach me "mindfulness" techniques and although I'm scared to try them out (that I'm not going to do them right or something), I hope they will stick. Because I hate living with ANY sort of chaos/drama. But I don't want to shave my head and become a monk just to experience a life without it.
I want to have every day be an average day. I'm so sick and tired of the drama/chaos that's still in my life (though nowhere near what it used to be), but it's as if it's all my mind knows how to operate.
My therapist has just begun to teach me "mindfulness" techniques and although I'm scared to try them out (that I'm not going to do them right or something), I hope they will stick. Because I hate living with ANY sort of chaos/drama. But I don't want to shave my head and become a monk just to experience a life without it.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,382
I can definitely see that a part of me got off on the chaos involved with degenerate drinking. I think it was a perverse way for me to feel alive, like I was the star of a movie even if it was a horror movie and personally destructive in countless ways. The writer Walker Percy once said that men go to war because they don't want to face Monday morning at a humdrum job, would rather die in fact.
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