Day 5
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
Originally Posted by Sohard 
Yes, you totally get it. I'm scared about my life sentence w/o parole. And I really like your idea about the moratorium. It's a deal. I'll wait another 7 days and see how I feel.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Mac4711
Awesome, deal! In the meantime, work on changing your ingrained behavior: Next time you get the urge, don’t do what you’ve always done. Instead, get on SR and yell ‘Fire’! We know that’ll trigger a stampede, God bless’em!
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I'm holding strong. Day 9. Question, though. I read this:
"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy"
Doesn't it upset you that you won't have that again?? I'm thrilled I won't have the blackouts, hangovers, embarrassment, etc. But can't I still be disappointed that I can't have the above? I also feel disappointed for some of my family. It's not that they are enablers. But I have had many wonderful nights having a couple glasses with my mom or sister at dinner. I've had sober nights since with them and it's not the same. I can tell they don't have as much fun. The "joyous intimacy" isn't there as much. I feel badly.
I'm not going to drink because of anybody else. I recognize that would be wrong. But, to me, my sobriety does negatively affect my friends and family. Because they didn't see the destruction alcoholism was causing. They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. All they were left with was a memory of an enjoyable night. And in a way, I am mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights. I am mourning the "jovial intimacy".
Just some thoughts.
"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy"
Doesn't it upset you that you won't have that again?? I'm thrilled I won't have the blackouts, hangovers, embarrassment, etc. But can't I still be disappointed that I can't have the above? I also feel disappointed for some of my family. It's not that they are enablers. But I have had many wonderful nights having a couple glasses with my mom or sister at dinner. I've had sober nights since with them and it's not the same. I can tell they don't have as much fun. The "joyous intimacy" isn't there as much. I feel badly.
I'm not going to drink because of anybody else. I recognize that would be wrong. But, to me, my sobriety does negatively affect my friends and family. Because they didn't see the destruction alcoholism was causing. They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. All they were left with was a memory of an enjoyable night. And in a way, I am mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights. I am mourning the "jovial intimacy".
Just some thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Sohard
I'm holding strong. Day 9. Question, though. I read this:
"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy"
Doesn't it upset you that you won't have that again?? I'm thrilled I won't have the blackouts, hangovers, embarrassment, etc. But can't I still be disappointed that I can't have the above? I also feel disappointed for some of my family. It's not that they are enablers. But I have had many wonderful nights having a couple glasses with my mom or sister at dinner. I've had sober nights since with them and it's not the same. I can tell they don't have as much fun. The "joyous intimacy" isn't there as much. I feel badly.
I'm not going to drink because of anybody else. I recognize that would be wrong. But, to me, my sobriety does negatively affect my friends and family. Because they didn't see the destruction alcoholism was causing. They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. All they were left with was a memory of an enjoyable night. And in a way, I am mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights. I am mourning the "jovial intimacy".
Just some thoughts.
"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy"
Doesn't it upset you that you won't have that again?? I'm thrilled I won't have the blackouts, hangovers, embarrassment, etc. But can't I still be disappointed that I can't have the above? I also feel disappointed for some of my family. It's not that they are enablers. But I have had many wonderful nights having a couple glasses with my mom or sister at dinner. I've had sober nights since with them and it's not the same. I can tell they don't have as much fun. The "joyous intimacy" isn't there as much. I feel badly.
I'm not going to drink because of anybody else. I recognize that would be wrong. But, to me, my sobriety does negatively affect my friends and family. Because they didn't see the destruction alcoholism was causing. They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. All they were left with was a memory of an enjoyable night. And in a way, I am mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights. I am mourning the "jovial intimacy".
Just some thoughts.
I see it as destruction. What happens at the end overshadows any conviviality I might feel in the beginning. Being free of it, I have a sense of elated relief. I smile a lot. I laugh. I crack jokes. I feel free, so I have a sense of joy about me.
People around me are happier, freer. They like me more. They feel more comfortable talking to me when I'm not half in the bag or drunk.
Saturday I'm going to be in a bar for about five hours! I'm going to my husband's gig: he's a bass player. I'm going to wear something cute and listen to music, its going to be fun. The fact that there's alcohol there is a nonissue. I've put it behind me, nailed down all the messy goodbyes to it, and now formulating a new attitude, a new way of looking at life, and its all good.
I had a really tough time in the past saying goodbye to the alcohol high. A really, really tough time. I didn't stay sober. I'm not saying you won't: I'm just saying that as long as you see it as a positive and fun thing, you are at risk for drinking again. That's something that has to change for sobriety to stick.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
Originally Posted by Sohard
I'm holding strong. Day 9. Question, though. I read this:
"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy"
Doesn't it upset you that you won't have that again?? I'm thrilled I won't have the blackouts, hangovers, embarrassment, etc. But can't I still be disappointed that I can't have the above? I also feel disappointed for some of my family. It's not that they are enablers. But I have had many wonderful nights having a couple glasses with my mom or sister at dinner. I've had sober nights since with them and it's not the same. I can tell they don't have as much fun. The "joyous intimacy" isn't there as much. I feel badly.
I'm not going to drink because of anybody else. I recognize that would be wrong. But, to me, my sobriety does negatively affect my friends and family. Because they didn't see the destruction alcoholism was causing. They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. All they were left with was a memory of an enjoyable night. And in a way, I am mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights. I am mourning the "jovial intimacy".
Just some thoughts.
"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy"
Doesn't it upset you that you won't have that again?? I'm thrilled I won't have the blackouts, hangovers, embarrassment, etc. But can't I still be disappointed that I can't have the above? I also feel disappointed for some of my family. It's not that they are enablers. But I have had many wonderful nights having a couple glasses with my mom or sister at dinner. I've had sober nights since with them and it's not the same. I can tell they don't have as much fun. The "joyous intimacy" isn't there as much. I feel badly.
I'm not going to drink because of anybody else. I recognize that would be wrong. But, to me, my sobriety does negatively affect my friends and family. Because they didn't see the destruction alcoholism was causing. They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. All they were left with was a memory of an enjoyable night. And in a way, I am mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights. I am mourning the "jovial intimacy".
Just some thoughts.
I know, I know! I grew up in a culture that thrives on alcohol and yes, who would argue against tasting Tignanello on the Antinori estate, sipping on some Lillet Rouge on a terrace in Saint-Jean-de-Luz, or hiking through the Glen of Orchy with a splendid bottle of Glenmorangie in your backpack?
But unfortunately at some point in time we've crossed a line - "They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. ". And if there's one thing I've learned here on SR, it's that once you've crossed it, there's no going back.
SR is littered with posts of folks who have tried and failed and it took some of them years to finally capitulate/accept/surrender and some didn't make it at all - what a stark warning our comrades have left for us!
So yes, I understand that you are "mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights", so do I, but they're gone and it's time to move on. That's why it's a good idea to get more time between you and your last drink, because you'll be better able to weigh the pros and cons.
Yes, the alcoholic adventures I've rattled off above sound very fancy, but how do they really stack up against better health, no hangovers, good judgment, weight loss, you name it? Being unchained from alcohol will allow you to live the life you deserve and that's all that counts!
4 more days to the moratorium, but what's more important, let's not drink today!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Mac4711
Sohard,
I know, I know! I grew up in a culture that thrives on alcohol and yes, who would argue against tasting Tignanello on the Antinori estate, sipping on some Lillet Rouge on a terrace in Saint-Jean-de-Luz, or hiking through the Glen of Orchy with a splendid bottle of Glenmorangie in your backpack?
But unfortunately at some point in time we've crossed a line - "They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. ". And if there's one thing I've learned here on SR, it's that once you've crossed it, there's no going back.
SR is littered with posts of folks who have tried and failed and it took some of them years to finally capitulate/accept/surrender and some didn't make it at all - what a stark warning our comrades have left for us!
So yes, I understand that you are "mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights", so do I, but they're gone and it's time to move on. That's why it's a good idea to get more time between you and your last drink, because you'll be better able to weigh the pros and cons.
Yes, the alcoholic adventures I've rattled off above sound very fancy, but how do they really stack up against better health, no hangovers, good judgment, weight loss, you name it? Being unchained from alcohol will allow you to live the life you deserve and that's all that counts!
4 more days to the moratorium, but what's more important, let's not drink today!
I know, I know! I grew up in a culture that thrives on alcohol and yes, who would argue against tasting Tignanello on the Antinori estate, sipping on some Lillet Rouge on a terrace in Saint-Jean-de-Luz, or hiking through the Glen of Orchy with a splendid bottle of Glenmorangie in your backpack?
But unfortunately at some point in time we've crossed a line - "They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. ". And if there's one thing I've learned here on SR, it's that once you've crossed it, there's no going back.
SR is littered with posts of folks who have tried and failed and it took some of them years to finally capitulate/accept/surrender and some didn't make it at all - what a stark warning our comrades have left for us!
So yes, I understand that you are "mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights", so do I, but they're gone and it's time to move on. That's why it's a good idea to get more time between you and your last drink, because you'll be better able to weigh the pros and cons.
Yes, the alcoholic adventures I've rattled off above sound very fancy, but how do they really stack up against better health, no hangovers, good judgment, weight loss, you name it? Being unchained from alcohol will allow you to live the life you deserve and that's all that counts!
4 more days to the moratorium, but what's more important, let's not drink today!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Well done on day ten, Sohard!
I understand the feelings of loss for "conjovial intimacy" but I've found it was a fallacy. After being sober for one year and two months, I can attest to increased intimacy with folks, I can't explain it in words, but there's a far deeper connection when people's perception aren't skewed by drink, far more intimacy.
Edited to add: yes, once that line was crossed by me, there was no going back. It took acceptance after researching neuroplasticity..
I understand the feelings of loss for "conjovial intimacy" but I've found it was a fallacy. After being sober for one year and two months, I can attest to increased intimacy with folks, I can't explain it in words, but there's a far deeper connection when people's perception aren't skewed by drink, far more intimacy.
Edited to add: yes, once that line was crossed by me, there was no going back. It took acceptance after researching neuroplasticity..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Sohard
It's the first cold day of the year, the fire is going, and ALL I WANT is to order a bottle of red wine!
Enjoy your fire. Have tea or pellegrino and make yourself something to eat.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Mac4711
Sohard,
I know, I know! I grew up in a culture that thrives on alcohol and yes, who would argue against tasting Tignanello on the Antinori estate, sipping on some Lillet Rouge on a terrace in Saint-Jean-de-Luz, or hiking through the Glen of Orchy with a splendid bottle of Glenmorangie in your backpack?
But unfortunately at some point in time we've crossed a line - "They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. ". And if there's one thing I've learned here on SR, it's that once you've crossed it, there's no going back.
SR is littered with posts of folks who have tried and failed and it took some of them years to finally capitulate/accept/surrender and some didn't make it at all - what a stark warning our comrades have left for us!
So yes, I understand that you are "mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights", so do I, but they're gone and it's time to move on. That's why it's a good idea to get more time between you and your last drink, because you'll be better able to weigh the pros and cons.
Yes, the alcoholic adventures I've rattled off above sound very fancy, but how do they really stack up against better health, no hangovers, good judgment, weight loss, you name it? Being unchained from alcohol will allow you to live the life you deserve and that's all that counts!
4 more days to the moratorium, but what's more important, let's not drink today!
I know, I know! I grew up in a culture that thrives on alcohol and yes, who would argue against tasting Tignanello on the Antinori estate, sipping on some Lillet Rouge on a terrace in Saint-Jean-de-Luz, or hiking through the Glen of Orchy with a splendid bottle of Glenmorangie in your backpack?
But unfortunately at some point in time we've crossed a line - "They would have an enjoyable night with me, go to bed, and I would start and finish a bottle all by myself. ". And if there's one thing I've learned here on SR, it's that once you've crossed it, there's no going back.
SR is littered with posts of folks who have tried and failed and it took some of them years to finally capitulate/accept/surrender and some didn't make it at all - what a stark warning our comrades have left for us!
So yes, I understand that you are "mourning the loss of those genuinely enjoyable nights", so do I, but they're gone and it's time to move on. That's why it's a good idea to get more time between you and your last drink, because you'll be better able to weigh the pros and cons.
Yes, the alcoholic adventures I've rattled off above sound very fancy, but how do they really stack up against better health, no hangovers, good judgment, weight loss, you name it? Being unchained from alcohol will allow you to live the life you deserve and that's all that counts!
4 more days to the moratorium, but what's more important, let's not drink today!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Brit in New Zealand
Posts: 160
Just take it one day at a time, Sohard. If I start thinking things like "oh my God, I can NEVER have another drink again, what am I going to do when I travel again??? What about NYE?!?!" I feel overwhelmed.
When I wake up I just focus on this day, until I go to bed. Before you know it the days turn into weeks, then months then years.
Just one day at a time.
When I wake up I just focus on this day, until I go to bed. Before you know it the days turn into weeks, then months then years.
Just one day at a time.
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