Gottalife

Within AA, one of the things that often seperates us is our war stories. Often people just dont relate to the extreme behaviour of some alcoholics because they just never behaved like that, then they think either AA is not for them, or they are not alcoholic. They miss a key identifier because it gets lost in the drama of the story. What do you suppose it is?

If we put a group of drunks in a room and give them some booze, they will behave in many different ways. Me? I would turn into the arrogant loud mouth with an opinion on everything.

In that respect I would be different to many of the others. But there is one thing I would do that all the others would do.

What would you be like, and what is the one thing you think you would do, that every other alcoholic would do?

Maudcat

Not sure what you are asking, Mike.
Can you elaborate a bit?
I confess that during my time in AA, I came to find the war stories very offputting.
It wasn’t the examples of extreme behavior that bothered.
It was more the “humble brag” by men of a certain age who would describe their outrageous behavior, then end it by saying “Can you believe it? After all that, my wife STILL wouldn’t leave me.”
Yeah, buddy. Prize package you are.
AA helped me a lot in early sobriety, but at the end of the day, it wasn’t the program for me.

tomsteve

i assume youre referring to when i was drinking. in that case, it depends on what stage of alcoholism i was at.
i might be the know it all- trying to show you i know more than you. i have a feeling we'd probably end up at or near a fistfight. . then proving bar owners dont care who started it, we'd both get booted and end up finding another bar to go share some drinks at.
i might be the one with the war story to top others
i might be the one that gets a drink and sits in a corner by themselves
i might be the one that doesnt even go to the bar but drinks alone in isolation.

i had varying traits.

ScottFromWI

I'm not quite sure what you are asking either, and I find "war story" threads kind of offputting even here on SR. If you are asking what I would do if I started drinking again, I really don't know and I hope I never find out - but I know it would not be good.

Pathwaytofree

Mike, I'm assuming you're trying to say that although all of the details of our war stories are different, the three things that every alcoholic does is 1) drink when he/she didn't want to, 2) drink more than he/she planned to drink, and 3) drinks because he/she likes the effect produced by alcohol.

That's really all that needs to be said. The rest is our disease-loving drama. It took me a very long time to realize this. I used to love to share every detail of my story.

I found early on as a newcomer war stories were helpful. But then I got to a place that I saw my disease was just seeking drama if not in my life then from other people's lives. I needed to find meetings that were solution based.

One time I drove about 40 minutes away in a bad rain storm to a new meeting. It was a speaker meeting. The room was packed. The speaker spent 95% percent of the time telling his war story. The other 5% of the time went something like this: "....and then I took the steps with a sponsor and I was able to stop drinking...."

The longer I've been in recovery, the less time I spend sharing my war story. If I'm asked to lead or share on Steps 1 or 2, then I will share a little bit about the unmanageability, insanity, and lack of power but that is it. The rest is attention-seeking b.s.

Fusion

Mike, from my experience, I believe the commonality amongst addicted people would be that, I would drink, despite a part of me wanting, vehemently, not to drink. That describes addiction, for me. Every night I'd swear off drink and the following day, I'd drink. It was utter madness.

Gottalife

Sorry, I thought I was reasonably clear. I am inviting everyone to have a look at their own past experience. I am suggesting that we will all have different stories, and the things we did, the behaviour we exibited, was not what made us alcoholic. Therefore, if I ate out of dumpsters, and you didn't, that would not mean that I was alcoholic and you weren't.

Likewise with my loud mouthed behaviour after a few drinks. Plenty of loud mouthed non alcoholics in the world. We might also withdraw to a quiet spot seeking solitude, or tell jokes and laugh a lot, or dance on the tables, or any manner of things, none of which would make us alcoholic.

But in this room full of drunks there is one thing they will all have in common, one thing they will all do after their first few drinks........in your experience, what do you think it was?

Fusion

Is the answer: after the first few drinks - they can't stop drinking, despite their intention to 'only have a couple', or towards the end, try to taper to avoid serious withdrawals, but couldn't stop drinking?

That was my experience, drank to blackout everyday.

paulokes

The War stories...though fun, and sometimes a source of identification...can often be a factor that switches people off I agree. I have a theory that many of us are still full of denial and looking for reasons to compare so if everyone else's stories sound very dramatic and of course, we're not "that bad"...

I always say there were things that hadn't happened *yet* and things that I hadn't remembered *yet*...as time went on everyone else's stories sounded less dramatic and my own started to became a little more real and plenty dramatic enough...

I heard less night we should talk about the ideas, emotions and attitudes...and the thoughts...we had while drinking, before drinking, after drinking...these are often a powerful source of identification for someone wondering if they have a drinking problem.

P

Stayingsassy

Inability to stop drinking after the first one.

All other consequences, labels answer issues stem from that.

paulokes

^^ That and the fact we increasingly turned to drink to solve every problem, no matter what the consequences. Until it became a default behaviour.

P

JeffreyAK

Yeah, I think the defining commonality is, we keep drinking after those first few. If we can reliably choose to stop before we get to the negative consequence stage, then we're not addicts. The consequences vary, but the reason we get the consequences is, we keep going after the first couple that are enough for the vast majority of "normal" alcohol drinkers.

tomsteve

not being able to stop after 1 despite knowing the consequences- inability to control it.

Fusion

Me too. It just smelt of egotism. I was advised that the purpose of the 'war stories' is to document, "how it was, what I did, how it is now". But sadly, my experience, too, was they focused on "how it was" as a sort of competition in the rock bottoms, which isn't the purpose at all.

The purpose should be about the commonality of the inability to stop drinking after the first few (not the behaviour whilst under the influence and consequent losses in our lives - for they are different for all of us). Then the steps taken to turn it around, followed by the consequent beneficial results; which to me seems far more beneficial than focusing only on "how it was" behaviour.

ScottFromWI

We didn't stop after the first few, and we didn't take responsibility for what happened as a result.

Bunny211

I would not want to be social after a while. I would want to leave, get a few bottles, and hole up in my apartment ALONE with the shades drawn and just drink and drink and drink til the end of time.

I don't always like hearing "war stories" but they DO help remind me of where I came from and how god AWFUL it is to be in the throes of active addiction. I am always grateful when step one comes around at my weekly step meeting. It keeps things fresh in my mind.

paulokes

Very much. The point of recounting past experiences is so others can maybe identify and know they are not alone. This can be done factually and maybe with a bit of humour...

It is very much ego that drives some folks to *brag* or tell fishing stories...whose fish was the biggest. Or maybe glorifying the past. Sometimes folks laugh but often it is just as off-putting for everyone in the room.

The most powerful shares are honest and from the heart.

Ken33xx

This.

Stayingsassy

My husband said to me recently that he prefers wine or beer because he “can feel the point at which he needs to slow down or stop.”

I realized that his slow down point is my “this party’s just getting started”point...

Control. A drinker either has control or he does not, I’m not getting why people have trouble with the powerless part of AA, to me that’s the crux of alcoholism.

AAPJ

Some war stories are compelling to me but most are not. I would rather go to a BB or Step meeting where we read literature and share than listen to some old timer rehash his war story. That said last night I was at a meeting where the speaker didn't show up so one of the old timers filled in on short notice. His story was pretty good and reminded me of some of my history. One thing about this particular person. He doesn't generally share his war story. The oldsters who share their war stories over and over again? I could do without them.

But who knows maybe they are helping someone? One thing I have learned in AA is that not everyone responds to the same message in the same way.