Going To Prison Due To Alcohol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 20
Going To Prison Due To Alcohol
I'm 29 from England and realise I'm an alcoholic. For years I used to say I liked a drink or was a heavy drinker but never called myself an alcoholic.
I was in the Army when I was younger and did my fair share of drinking but it was after the Army that things got worse. I started working as a Prison Officer and was working shifts. I ended up drinking after most shifts (even after nights) - used to think it was just to relax and to cope with things I dealt with and you see bad things in prison - I once had to cut down a guy who had tried to hang himself. I had to ring in sick a few days after drinking too much.
I split up with my girlfriend and ended up moving out and drinking more and things got worse and i ended up losing my job. Last year I ended up getting charged with GBH (serious assault). That was a real wake up call and I thought I would be going to prison last year but I ended up getting a 2 year suspended sentence. I had gone on a detox programme and had been off the drink for 4 months and had urine tests to prove that. That and being an ex prison officer probably saved me from prison. The mad thing is once I got out of court I went to the pub to "celebrate". It sounds mad but I was desperate for a drink after all that.
Last weekend I got arrested again after another night out and getting into a fight. I ended up also getting charged with assault on a police officer because I was resisting when they tried to handcuff me. They kept me in until court on Monday and I got released on bail. I've used up my get out of jail free card so I know I am looking at getting about 3 years now as they will activate my 2 year suspended sentence and add more for what happened at the weekend.
Facing prison is bad enough for anyone but it is much worse for an ex prison officer ending up on the other side of the bars. Even in the holding cell before court on Monday I was worried that any of the other prisoners would find out I used to be a guard.
My son is 10 now and I get to see him at the weekends. I am going to see him tomorrow and am going to explain to him about what happened. When he was younger he was so proud of me and always said that I kept the bad men locked up. I don't know how I will explain tp him that I am one of those bad men. I remember seeing so many kids coming to visit their Dads in prison and seeing how hard it was. I never thought I would be in that position now. I don't even know if i would want him to see me there but can't imagine not seeing him for years.
I know i only have myself to blame for all this and have wasted the chances I got and how much I have hurt and let down my family and my son. I just felt like putting up my situation because I have read so many other people's on the forum. I know I've messed up my life because of what I can get like when I'm drunk and am just trying to make the best of things now and try and get my head ready for what is going to be a few very hard years.
I was in the Army when I was younger and did my fair share of drinking but it was after the Army that things got worse. I started working as a Prison Officer and was working shifts. I ended up drinking after most shifts (even after nights) - used to think it was just to relax and to cope with things I dealt with and you see bad things in prison - I once had to cut down a guy who had tried to hang himself. I had to ring in sick a few days after drinking too much.
I split up with my girlfriend and ended up moving out and drinking more and things got worse and i ended up losing my job. Last year I ended up getting charged with GBH (serious assault). That was a real wake up call and I thought I would be going to prison last year but I ended up getting a 2 year suspended sentence. I had gone on a detox programme and had been off the drink for 4 months and had urine tests to prove that. That and being an ex prison officer probably saved me from prison. The mad thing is once I got out of court I went to the pub to "celebrate". It sounds mad but I was desperate for a drink after all that.
Last weekend I got arrested again after another night out and getting into a fight. I ended up also getting charged with assault on a police officer because I was resisting when they tried to handcuff me. They kept me in until court on Monday and I got released on bail. I've used up my get out of jail free card so I know I am looking at getting about 3 years now as they will activate my 2 year suspended sentence and add more for what happened at the weekend.
Facing prison is bad enough for anyone but it is much worse for an ex prison officer ending up on the other side of the bars. Even in the holding cell before court on Monday I was worried that any of the other prisoners would find out I used to be a guard.
My son is 10 now and I get to see him at the weekends. I am going to see him tomorrow and am going to explain to him about what happened. When he was younger he was so proud of me and always said that I kept the bad men locked up. I don't know how I will explain tp him that I am one of those bad men. I remember seeing so many kids coming to visit their Dads in prison and seeing how hard it was. I never thought I would be in that position now. I don't even know if i would want him to see me there but can't imagine not seeing him for years.
I know i only have myself to blame for all this and have wasted the chances I got and how much I have hurt and let down my family and my son. I just felt like putting up my situation because I have read so many other people's on the forum. I know I've messed up my life because of what I can get like when I'm drunk and am just trying to make the best of things now and try and get my head ready for what is going to be a few very hard years.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
David,
I know many who have turned their lives around after doing time. You are still a young man and have many potential fruitful years ahead. This can be the beginning of your story. Good thoughts for your son and you today,
I know many who have turned their lives around after doing time. You are still a young man and have many potential fruitful years ahead. This can be the beginning of your story. Good thoughts for your son and you today,
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR David, sorry to hear about what brings you here. As FlyNBy mentions, it's never too late to turn things around. Yes you have some consequences to face, but they will eventually be over and you will have a chance to make major changes.
Since alcohol seems to be the source of your problems, you can actually start making change right now. Making an absolute commitment to sobriety and accepting your addiction/problem and treating it accordingly will go a long way. Bottom line, being honest with those around you and especially with yourself is the real key to getting better. You seem to have a pretty good understanding of what alcohol is doing to you, and you'll find a lot of support here if your intention is to quit for good.
Since alcohol seems to be the source of your problems, you can actually start making change right now. Making an absolute commitment to sobriety and accepting your addiction/problem and treating it accordingly will go a long way. Bottom line, being honest with those around you and especially with yourself is the real key to getting better. You seem to have a pretty good understanding of what alcohol is doing to you, and you'll find a lot of support here if your intention is to quit for good.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 147
Hindsight, as they say, is always 20/20, David. And even though it is a sh.... call, it might, for you, be a wake-up call. And I'm not just talking as an alcoholic. I have been there - on the wrong side of the bars - and a lot longer than three years. If I was you, I'd start doing something about the situation immediately, so that by the time you're sentenced, you can already show that you are doing something about your drinking; which might be taken as a reason for leniency? Good luck, friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 20
Thanks for the welcome and the support. I know it's nothing but haven't drunk since Wednesday. After getting out on Monday I did drink again but really want to stop now. I went without a drink for 4 months the last time I was waiting for court but once that was over with I just went back to it. Stupid I know but can do nothing about it know,
Like I said I am seeing my son tomorrow so want to be sober for that. I am dreading telling him and no idea of how he is going to react. If anybody has any advise it would be good. He is a great kid and I think sometimes he is more sensible than me - he is like the father and I am the son when I am explaining to him something stupid I've done.
It is a wake up call but I know I should have learnt last time. Sorry to hear you have been prison. Was it for something you did after drinking? Being an ex prison officer I know how many people end up in prison because of drink or drugs. For some they actually turn their lives around when they are there so hopefully that could be something good to come from it but it's hard to think of anything good coming from this. I do want to do everything to show I am trying to change before getting sentenced but I know it won't make much difference with already having a sentence hanging over me for what happened last year. 3 years just seems so long to think about right now but I know people do much longer.
I hope you don't mind me asking but did you have children when you were in prison? Did they come to visit? What do you think of children visiting prison?
Like I said I am seeing my son tomorrow so want to be sober for that. I am dreading telling him and no idea of how he is going to react. If anybody has any advise it would be good. He is a great kid and I think sometimes he is more sensible than me - he is like the father and I am the son when I am explaining to him something stupid I've done.
Originally Posted by corriec 
Hindsight, as they say, is always 20/20, David. And even though it is a sh.... call, it might, for you, be a wake-up call. And I'm not just talking as an alcoholic. I have been there - on the wrong side of the bars - and a lot longer than three years. If I was you, I'd start doing something about the situation immediately, so that by the time you're sentenced, you can already show that you are doing something about your drinking; which might be taken as a reason for leniency? Good luck, friend.
I hope you don't mind me asking but did you have children when you were in prison? Did they come to visit? What do you think of children visiting prison?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
David - My heart goes out to you for all you are facing. I'm hoping somehow you won't get the 3 yrs. you are expecting.
Please don't call yourself a 'bad man'. You sound like anything but. Drinking turned me into a completely different person - it warped my personality & took away my good judgment & sense of responsibility. I ended up in a world of trouble for driving drunk - something I swore I'd never do. Good people can get trapped by alcohol & find it almost impossible to get free.
As scared as I was after my dui I still continued to drink. After 3 yrs. sober I decided to try and drink socially again - and it was a disaster. More chaos. After that is when I found SR and started to talk to people who understood what I was going through. I know you can reclaim your life. I hope you'll stay with us and let us know what's going on.
Please don't call yourself a 'bad man'. You sound like anything but. Drinking turned me into a completely different person - it warped my personality & took away my good judgment & sense of responsibility. I ended up in a world of trouble for driving drunk - something I swore I'd never do. Good people can get trapped by alcohol & find it almost impossible to get free.
As scared as I was after my dui I still continued to drink. After 3 yrs. sober I decided to try and drink socially again - and it was a disaster. More chaos. After that is when I found SR and started to talk to people who understood what I was going through. I know you can reclaim your life. I hope you'll stay with us and let us know what's going on.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi David. What a tragic situation you find yourself in. If I was you, I don’t know what I would do. I have been in a similar spot many years ago and the judge had me sent of to a mental hospital. It kept me sober for a few months then I was off again, though I never offended in the last months of my drinking.
Our external circumstances have little to do with our chances of getting well. I was destitute, no home, no job, no friends when I recovered. Nothing left to lose.
The key was that I had reached a point where I would do anything for victory over alcohol, regardless of whatever else was going on. If you are at that point then I suggest you get busy. I immersed myself in AA. If I had court pending in might get involved at the local alcohol and drug centre and get something going on the medical front.
This may or may not keep you out of jail. I don’t know what might happen there, but in any case that is a temporary problem. Your alcoholism is a different issue. Left untreated, it will either kill you, get you locked up again, or cost you everything that is important in your life, or all of the above.
It is important to realise you are not a bad man, just a sick man. If you get sincerely involved in recovery, nothing but good can come of it. If you try the old AA con on the judge as many do, you will probably find he is awake to that.
There are no substitutes for honesty, contrition and sincerity in these circumstances.
Our external circumstances have little to do with our chances of getting well. I was destitute, no home, no job, no friends when I recovered. Nothing left to lose.
The key was that I had reached a point where I would do anything for victory over alcohol, regardless of whatever else was going on. If you are at that point then I suggest you get busy. I immersed myself in AA. If I had court pending in might get involved at the local alcohol and drug centre and get something going on the medical front.
This may or may not keep you out of jail. I don’t know what might happen there, but in any case that is a temporary problem. Your alcoholism is a different issue. Left untreated, it will either kill you, get you locked up again, or cost you everything that is important in your life, or all of the above.
It is important to realise you are not a bad man, just a sick man. If you get sincerely involved in recovery, nothing but good can come of it. If you try the old AA con on the judge as many do, you will probably find he is awake to that.
There are no substitutes for honesty, contrition and sincerity in these circumstances.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 147
No, David. It was something I did BECAUSE of the drinking, amongst other reasons. And something/s I never would have the guts for if it wasn't for alcohol. Yes, I have two daughters; at the time they were 10 and 7 years old. Yes, they did visit, and every time they did, I died a little. And I think they did too. Prison is a terrible place; where I am - South Africa - it is even worse. A living hell. Lockdown is very often 23 hours a day, and 200 to 300 % overcrowded. And NOT a place for children. My one daughter (the youngest) still doesn't talk to me, and she's just turned 22.
How do you tell him? Tell it like it is: tell him about your drinking problem, and its consequences. Don't soft-talk, don't lie. Tell him about your dreams, though, and about your plans when you come out. Make him understand that this is but a short interlude; that it will pass very fast, and that you will have many, many years to spend together and do things once you are out. Talk about hope: early release, good behavior, study, programs, etc.
Three years, David? It is not such a long time at all. If you're like me, the real you sort of "go away" the moment you walk in, and only come back when you walk out. Prison is bad, but not all bad. It gives you a hell of a lot of time for introspection and self-evaluation. A lot of time which you should USE!! To better yourself, and in the process, make your son proud to call you Dad.
How do you tell him? Tell it like it is: tell him about your drinking problem, and its consequences. Don't soft-talk, don't lie. Tell him about your dreams, though, and about your plans when you come out. Make him understand that this is but a short interlude; that it will pass very fast, and that you will have many, many years to spend together and do things once you are out. Talk about hope: early release, good behavior, study, programs, etc.
Three years, David? It is not such a long time at all. If you're like me, the real you sort of "go away" the moment you walk in, and only come back when you walk out. Prison is bad, but not all bad. It gives you a hell of a lot of time for introspection and self-evaluation. A lot of time which you should USE!! To better yourself, and in the process, make your son proud to call you Dad.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Hevyn
David - My heart goes out to you for all you are facing. I'm hoping somehow you won't get the 3 yrs. you are expecting.
Please don't call yourself a 'bad man'. You sound like anything but. Drinking turned me into a completely different person - it warped my personality & took away my good judgment & sense of responsibility. I ended up in a world of trouble for driving drunk - something I swore I'd never do. Good people can get trapped by alcohol & find it almost impossible to get free.
As scared as I was after my dui I still continued to drink. After 3 yrs. sober I decided to try and drink socially again - and it was a disaster. More chaos. After that is when I found SR and started to talk to people who understood what I was going through. I know you can reclaim your life. I hope you'll stay with us and let us know what's going on.
Please don't call yourself a 'bad man'. You sound like anything but. Drinking turned me into a completely different person - it warped my personality & took away my good judgment & sense of responsibility. I ended up in a world of trouble for driving drunk - something I swore I'd never do. Good people can get trapped by alcohol & find it almost impossible to get free.
As scared as I was after my dui I still continued to drink. After 3 yrs. sober I decided to try and drink socially again - and it was a disaster. More chaos. After that is when I found SR and started to talk to people who understood what I was going through. I know you can reclaim your life. I hope you'll stay with us and let us know what's going on.
No I don't call myself a "bad man". It's just what my son used to say when he talked about prisoners with me being a prison officer. I've driven drunk a few times - not real drunk but definitely over the limit - but luckily have never been caught for that.
I am on my own tonight looking at TV and online and desperately tying not to drink. I found this site a few nights ago and never imagined so many people have the same problems although different. I plan to stick around for as long as I can before getting sentenced.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by corriec
No, David. It was something I did BECAUSE of the drinking, amongst other reasons. And something/s I never would have the guts for if it wasn't for alcohol. Yes, I have two daughters; at the time they were 10 and 7 years old. Yes, they did visit, and every time they did, I died a little. And I think they did too. Prison is a terrible place; where I am - South Africa - it is even worse. A living hell. Lockdown is very often 23 hours a day, and 200 to 300 % overcrowded. And NOT a place for children. My one daughter (the youngest) still doesn't talk to me, and she's just turned 22.
How do you tell him? Tell it like it is: tell him about your drinking problem, and its consequences. Don't soft-talk, don't lie. Tell him about your dreams, though, and about your plans when you come out. Make him understand that this is but a short interlude; that it will pass very fast, and that you will have many, many years to spend together and do things once you are out. Talk about hope: early release, good behavior, study, programs, etc.
Three years, David? It is not such a long time at all. If you're like me, the real you sort of "go away" the moment you walk in, and only come back when you walk out. Prison is bad, but not all bad. It gives you a hell of a lot of time for introspection and self-evaluation. A lot of time which you should USE!! To better yourself, and in the process, make your son proud to call you Dad.
How do you tell him? Tell it like it is: tell him about your drinking problem, and its consequences. Don't soft-talk, don't lie. Tell him about your dreams, though, and about your plans when you come out. Make him understand that this is but a short interlude; that it will pass very fast, and that you will have many, many years to spend together and do things once you are out. Talk about hope: early release, good behavior, study, programs, etc.
Three years, David? It is not such a long time at all. If you're like me, the real you sort of "go away" the moment you walk in, and only come back when you walk out. Prison is bad, but not all bad. It gives you a hell of a lot of time for introspection and self-evaluation. A lot of time which you should USE!! To better yourself, and in the process, make your son proud to call you Dad.
Your kids are about the same age as my son now. If you were doing it again would you let them visit? I know there are alot worse places to go to prison than here but being an ex prison officer I know what it is like and know i would probably be put on protection which is 22 hour lock up.
I know what you mean about 3 years not being so long but it seems like so long right now and I haven't even thought about what would happen or what I would do after prison. I'm sure you do have plenty of time to think and make plans. I will definitely use the time to do any courses I can to make a better future for me and my son.
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
I see that both of your arrests were for assault. what are you doing to control your anger management issues? are you seeing a therapist of some sort? you had 4 sober months because you “had to”. what will it take to be committed to sobriety? you could avoid jail if you worked a program and got a lawyer and admitted to yourself you have a problem. you can recover from this, your life is not over. do not give up
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 35
Yeah it was probably a mistake letting him believe that you keep the "bad" men in prison. You felt proud so it was more an act of ego to not correct his belief.
Perhaps a better approach would have been to explain the concept of crime and punishment.
I suppose it's like when a person tells a child they are bad (when they have behaved badly) instead of telling the child that their behavior was bad (but they are still loved and accepted and valued). The child never learns to separate their own bad behavior from their sense of self worth...
The interpretation becomes.....I AM BAD
I think you'll find this also becomes a common theme in addiction.
Unfortunately, a person who feels that they are intrinsically bad will struggle to make positive changes to their lives as they are not according to their inner believe and lack of self esteem.....worth it.
Prisons are full of people with low self esteem. You may find some highly confident criminals and people who are highly skilled manipulators who give the impression that they are kings of their world, but they are riddled with low self esteem......
You are correct as a former screw you'll probably be placed in protection with the nonces and informants.
You could stay sober while there, stay super fit, read extensively, reflect and write and use it as a reflective period....work on the anger issues..
...but then when you get it. Will you feel like drinking?
...if you drink again are the same behaviors likely to repeat themselves? The same experiences? The same anger and fighting?
....is the "benefit" from drinking worth the consequences...
Perhaps a better approach would have been to explain the concept of crime and punishment.
I suppose it's like when a person tells a child they are bad (when they have behaved badly) instead of telling the child that their behavior was bad (but they are still loved and accepted and valued). The child never learns to separate their own bad behavior from their sense of self worth...
The interpretation becomes.....I AM BAD
I think you'll find this also becomes a common theme in addiction.
Unfortunately, a person who feels that they are intrinsically bad will struggle to make positive changes to their lives as they are not according to their inner believe and lack of self esteem.....worth it.
Prisons are full of people with low self esteem. You may find some highly confident criminals and people who are highly skilled manipulators who give the impression that they are kings of their world, but they are riddled with low self esteem......
You are correct as a former screw you'll probably be placed in protection with the nonces and informants.
You could stay sober while there, stay super fit, read extensively, reflect and write and use it as a reflective period....work on the anger issues..
...but then when you get it. Will you feel like drinking?
...if you drink again are the same behaviors likely to repeat themselves? The same experiences? The same anger and fighting?
....is the "benefit" from drinking worth the consequences...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
So sorry for what you're going through right now.
You know, here in my area of the UK members of the AA go in and run meetings inside prisons for inmates so that the inmates can work on their recovery while serving their sentences. Is there a possibility that this could be the same situation for you?
BB
Information for Prison Staff | Legal & Criminal Justice | Social Sectors | Professionals | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd
You know, here in my area of the UK members of the AA go in and run meetings inside prisons for inmates so that the inmates can work on their recovery while serving their sentences. Is there a possibility that this could be the same situation for you?
BB
Information for Prison Staff | Legal & Criminal Justice | Social Sectors | Professionals | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
David, I'm really sorry for your situation and I can imagine how hard it will be to talk to your son about this.
I hope that, while you are in prison, you will be able to work on dealing with your alcoholism and anger. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, and you will have a chance to be the person you want to be.
I hope that, while you are in prison, you will be able to work on dealing with your alcoholism and anger. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, and you will have a chance to be the person you want to be.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
This could be the beginning of a new bright sober life for you. I do understand the fear for I did time a couple of times due to my drinking and other sins. Yes, there was plenty of sinning when I was drinking.
The good news -- do this thing sober and stay that way.
Best for drunks not to drink -- that's me.
Good luck,
M-Bob
The good news -- do this thing sober and stay that way.
Best for drunks not to drink -- that's me.
Good luck,
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,533
I'm so sorry this is so horrible. My sister has six months left of a two-year sentence for assault on an officer while intoxicated as well. I go to see her when I can and it's just awful. You're not a bad person I hope that you will keep your head held high and I wish that you could write us here from prison. If you need a PIN pal go ahead and PM me your address and I'll keep in touch with you because I know how lonely it can be when you are incarcerated. My heart goes out to you and especially your child. You can get through this don't give up keep your head held high and make the most out of the time that you will be on the inside.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by HTown
I see that both of your arrests were for assault. what are you doing to control your anger management issues? are you seeing a therapist of some sort? you had 4 sober months because you “had to”. what will it take to be committed to sobriety? you could avoid jail if you worked a program and got a lawyer and admitted to yourself you have a problem. you can recover from this, your life is not over. do not give up
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