60 days - Why do we count days? :|
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60 days - Why do we count days? :|
Day 60
*Please no recommendations for AA or any groups or recovery programs.*
I'm bored of thinking of sobriety at this point. I'm not bored with the physical health improvements, additional funds, mental stability, no I'm bored with counting days and caring as if this short progress so far actually matters.
I'm irritated, bored and overall just tired of counting days and it's strange because the cravings for drinking alcohol have only been coming in very small waves lately. I had a similar experience with marijuana when I was 18. I had started getting anxiety attacks from pot and just ended up not enjoying it at all and stopped. I never went back and I still to this day do not care for it at all. I smoked pot for 7 years..
I have compiled a list of days where I had near mental breakdowns of anxiety & paranoia due to alcohol withdraw from not drinking for ~12 hours at a time. I was teasing myself by drinking only at night and then abstaining through the days and I'd say the last year I was drinking I got increasingly more depressed, anxious and self loathing. I'd drink and quiet everything in my head and then the next day sober I'd have actual mental hell where every possible bad thing that I've done or that's happened to me would dig up and I'd just start dwelling on it and obsessing over it. I was actually to the point where I was thinking dying might be better than being alive since I literally couldn't have a positive day for a few months straight. I was just making myself absolutely and utterly miserable.
I had one night (sober) that I was riding down dark back roads where I just went full throttle through all gears on my motorcycle and hit 130 mph and just closed my eyes until I snapped out of it. I didn't have solid intentions of suicide or anything, nor have I ever. I just was so frustrated and tired that I wanted to do something crazy to feel alive again.
I'm just looking back at the hell I was living in and feeling on a daily basis. I haven't had days where I hate myself in a long time and I'm actually able to enjoy the people around me and enjoy life now instead of dwelling on the past and being a negative person. Quitting alcohol literally made me who I want to be. I feel so alive and actually care about things now. I'm still human so I do still get anxiety, I still get mad, I still get sad but I have learned that life is what we make of it. Instead of trying to hide these emotions with a drug or substance I decide to deal with it head on so next time it's better, and so far that is working.
The point I am trying to make with the boredom / pointlessness of counting days is I just feel like I'm done and don't need to be counting days. Counting days just makes me feel like I'm counting because I might go back and need to start counting over again. I've crawled through that hell scraping bones & flesh and made it out with only a few deep scars. Reminding myself of those bad days, counting the days away from them seems to just be counter productive to me?
*Please no recommendations for AA or any groups or recovery programs.*
I'm bored of thinking of sobriety at this point. I'm not bored with the physical health improvements, additional funds, mental stability, no I'm bored with counting days and caring as if this short progress so far actually matters.
I'm irritated, bored and overall just tired of counting days and it's strange because the cravings for drinking alcohol have only been coming in very small waves lately. I had a similar experience with marijuana when I was 18. I had started getting anxiety attacks from pot and just ended up not enjoying it at all and stopped. I never went back and I still to this day do not care for it at all. I smoked pot for 7 years..
I have compiled a list of days where I had near mental breakdowns of anxiety & paranoia due to alcohol withdraw from not drinking for ~12 hours at a time. I was teasing myself by drinking only at night and then abstaining through the days and I'd say the last year I was drinking I got increasingly more depressed, anxious and self loathing. I'd drink and quiet everything in my head and then the next day sober I'd have actual mental hell where every possible bad thing that I've done or that's happened to me would dig up and I'd just start dwelling on it and obsessing over it. I was actually to the point where I was thinking dying might be better than being alive since I literally couldn't have a positive day for a few months straight. I was just making myself absolutely and utterly miserable.
I had one night (sober) that I was riding down dark back roads where I just went full throttle through all gears on my motorcycle and hit 130 mph and just closed my eyes until I snapped out of it. I didn't have solid intentions of suicide or anything, nor have I ever. I just was so frustrated and tired that I wanted to do something crazy to feel alive again.
I'm just looking back at the hell I was living in and feeling on a daily basis. I haven't had days where I hate myself in a long time and I'm actually able to enjoy the people around me and enjoy life now instead of dwelling on the past and being a negative person. Quitting alcohol literally made me who I want to be. I feel so alive and actually care about things now. I'm still human so I do still get anxiety, I still get mad, I still get sad but I have learned that life is what we make of it. Instead of trying to hide these emotions with a drug or substance I decide to deal with it head on so next time it's better, and so far that is working.
The point I am trying to make with the boredom / pointlessness of counting days is I just feel like I'm done and don't need to be counting days. Counting days just makes me feel like I'm counting because I might go back and need to start counting over again. I've crawled through that hell scraping bones & flesh and made it out with only a few deep scars. Reminding myself of those bad days, counting the days away from them seems to just be counter productive to me?
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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i dont count days anymore. but I guess sort of to your point. i'd like to hit a point where this is all ust something thats in my past that i no longer really bother myself with anymore.
I mean no offense to everyone here or at aa or what have you but i'd like to just be donew ith this whole aspect of my life.
But i'm not certain that will ever happen. it seems like this alcoholic mentality is really threaded all through my being. while its got less and less affect on me each day it seems to still be there. I do still seem to have an alcoholic mind set rear its ugly head every now and then etc...
And even when i'm doing just fine i worry i dont want to get complacent what if i get stupid and pickup again? etc...
But it'd be nice to wake up one day think gee i remember 20 years ago when i got sober and was active in the recovery comunity etc.. oh well thats done and gone now.
ya know hit a point where your no longer in recovery even. your beyond it all and just like anyone else with the exception o fyou dont drink.
I mean no offense to everyone here or at aa or what have you but i'd like to just be donew ith this whole aspect of my life.
But i'm not certain that will ever happen. it seems like this alcoholic mentality is really threaded all through my being. while its got less and less affect on me each day it seems to still be there. I do still seem to have an alcoholic mind set rear its ugly head every now and then etc...
And even when i'm doing just fine i worry i dont want to get complacent what if i get stupid and pickup again? etc...
But it'd be nice to wake up one day think gee i remember 20 years ago when i got sober and was active in the recovery comunity etc.. oh well thats done and gone now.
ya know hit a point where your no longer in recovery even. your beyond it all and just like anyone else with the exception o fyou dont drink.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
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Originally Posted by calvinm16 
I'm irritated, bored and overall just tired of counting days...
If you are still bored, irritated and discontent, you will have look deeper for a solution. Careful you don't slip into the "tired of always thinking about not drinking" mode. Because if your discontent is really with sobriety, and not counting sober days, you risk drinking again.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
You don't sound as though you are becoming complacent or blase about sobriety to me in the least, calvinm16. You understand that you don't ever need to drink again, and so you won't. You are a non-drinker.
As for me, I remember the date I decided to no longer drink, but I can't tell you how many days have passed. The date marks the end of a dark phase of my life, filled with anxiety, anger, depression, shame and sadness, all due to my alcohol dependency. I don't count the days since the end of that phase any more than a prison inmate might count the days since he was released from prison.
I do count the days of beginnings, of resuming old pastimes and passions that fell away to accommodate being drunk all the time. I think it is more useful to fill my mind with positive things than negative, and it seems that you might feel the same. I didn't quit because I was afraid of dying, I quit because I was no longer living.
It sounds, calvinm16, that you are ready to fill your life again. Keep moving forward, and, as I like to say, Onward! Best to you.
As for me, I remember the date I decided to no longer drink, but I can't tell you how many days have passed. The date marks the end of a dark phase of my life, filled with anxiety, anger, depression, shame and sadness, all due to my alcohol dependency. I don't count the days since the end of that phase any more than a prison inmate might count the days since he was released from prison.
I do count the days of beginnings, of resuming old pastimes and passions that fell away to accommodate being drunk all the time. I think it is more useful to fill my mind with positive things than negative, and it seems that you might feel the same. I didn't quit because I was afraid of dying, I quit because I was no longer living.
It sounds, calvinm16, that you are ready to fill your life again. Keep moving forward, and, as I like to say, Onward! Best to you.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Originally Posted by freshstart57
You don't sound as though you are becoming complacent or blase about sobriety to me in the least, calvinm16. You understand that you don't ever need to drink again, and so you won't. You are a non-drinker.
As for me, I remember the date I decided to no longer drink, but I can't tell you how many days have passed. The date marks the end of a dark phase of my life, filled with anxiety, anger, depression, shame and sadness, all due to my alcohol dependency. I don't count the days since the end of that phase any more than a prison inmate might count the days since he was released from prison.
I do count the days of beginnings, of resuming old pastimes and passions that fell away to accommodate being drunk all the time. I think it is more useful to fill my mind with positive things than negative, and it seems that you might feel the same. I didn't quit because I was afraid of dying, I quit because I was no longer living.
It sounds, calvinm16, that you are ready to fill your life again. Keep moving forward, and, as I like to say, Onward! Best to you.
As for me, I remember the date I decided to no longer drink, but I can't tell you how many days have passed. The date marks the end of a dark phase of my life, filled with anxiety, anger, depression, shame and sadness, all due to my alcohol dependency. I don't count the days since the end of that phase any more than a prison inmate might count the days since he was released from prison.
I do count the days of beginnings, of resuming old pastimes and passions that fell away to accommodate being drunk all the time. I think it is more useful to fill my mind with positive things than negative, and it seems that you might feel the same. I didn't quit because I was afraid of dying, I quit because I was no longer living.
It sounds, calvinm16, that you are ready to fill your life again. Keep moving forward, and, as I like to say, Onward! Best to you.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by calvinm16
I suppose it is possible to continue sobriety and stop counting days without becoming complacent.
What I "do" to address my sobriety has evolved over the years too. I still spend time here on SR every day, but what I do is definitely different than what I did 4 or 5 years ago.
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
It is definitely possible. I do feel that each person does have to address their sobriety on a regular basis though. I quit drinking more than once and after a month or 2 decided that I was "better" and that I didn't need to spend time on being sober anymore. Each time I started drinking again eventually.
What I "do" to address my sobriety has evolved over the years too. I still spend time here on SR every day, but what I do is definitely different than what I did 4 or 5 years ago.
What I "do" to address my sobriety has evolved over the years too. I still spend time here on SR every day, but what I do is definitely different than what I did 4 or 5 years ago.
This is not the longest I've been without alcohol though. When I was a teenager I had a binge period with a few friends where we'd drink every single day for a few months and then I realized it was probably bad and stopped for like 6 months straight.
Alcoholism runs very strongly in my family and quite frankly I've noticed how prevalent alcoholism is in a lot of people. I notice now when friends are drinking to excess, they'll post pictures on facebook and snapchat of them partying every night.
The main thing that entices me is looking at advertisements for my favorite beers and knowing I can't ever have one again if I want to live a both physically and mentally healthy lifestyle.
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Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by calvinm16
The main thing that entices me is looking at advertisements for my favorite beers and knowing I can't ever have one again if I want to live a both physically and mentally healthy lifestyle.
I can tell you though that once you establish/accept the fact that beer is not an option anymore, you can definitely find other things to look forward to. It takes time and it takes change on our part, no one else can just magically take away our cravings/thoughts/etc.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
after i quit there was a couple times i was in the grocery store and i'd look over in taht section and was like geeze they got some new flavor that i'll never get to try *sigh* but that was the extent of it.
and every now and then i think boy it sure would be nice to have (insert this brand or that brand) again but then i just shrug and move along. It is what it is. no sense in getting upset about it or osmething not much i can do I simply cant drink thats just all there is to it.
and every now and then i think boy it sure would be nice to have (insert this brand or that brand) again but then i just shrug and move along. It is what it is. no sense in getting upset about it or osmething not much i can do I simply cant drink thats just all there is to it.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I always tried to avoid the trap of ‘I can’t drink anymore’ and preferred instead to say to myself ‘I have chosen to never drink so that I can have a job, a home, a marriage and a family, my physical and mental health, my self respect, and a little joy and happiness’. Implicit in this statement is that I MAY choose, that I was able to make such a choice and make it permanently and unconditionally. I decided that sobriety was within my locus of control, and so it was.
You can do that too, calvinm16. I am sure of it. You can make this choice between drinking and living, and never look back, only forward to what you can create, what you can imagine, to what you deserve. Onward!
You can do that too, calvinm16. I am sure of it. You can make this choice between drinking and living, and never look back, only forward to what you can create, what you can imagine, to what you deserve. Onward!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
I don't actually count my days, but I do check once in awhile, just to see how long it's been. I'm a numbers guy by nature, so it's just what I do. Besides, I get a nice feeling of accomplishment with each passing milestone. I vividly recall the YEARS that I couldn't string together more than 2 or 3 days sober, so it's still a big deal to me.
The bottom line is, do what works for you. If counting the days doesn't work, then just don't do it.
The bottom line is, do what works for you. If counting the days doesn't work, then just don't do it.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I counted days for the first 6 months, now I count months until I start counting years 
It seemed important at first and I found that I couldn't help myself from doing it but the longer I'm sober the less it seems to matter to me. Sobriety just is now. At first, it felt so alien and abnormal to me but I've settled in, which is fine by me. I also see it as the time since I freed myself and I know in the core of my being that I will never go back to living that way. That was my release date lol.
It seemed important at first and I found that I couldn't help myself from doing it but the longer I'm sober the less it seems to matter to me. Sobriety just is now. At first, it felt so alien and abnormal to me but I've settled in, which is fine by me. I also see it as the time since I freed myself and I know in the core of my being that I will never go back to living that way. That was my release date lol.
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Originally Posted by zjw
after i quit there was a couple times i was in the grocery store and i'd look over in taht section and was like geeze they got some new flavor that i'll never get to try *sigh* but that was the extent of it.
and every now and then i think boy it sure would be nice to have (insert this brand or that brand) again but then i just shrug and move along. It is what it is. no sense in getting upset about it or osmething not much i can do I simply cant drink thats just all there is to it.
and every now and then i think boy it sure would be nice to have (insert this brand or that brand) again but then i just shrug and move along. It is what it is. no sense in getting upset about it or osmething not much i can do I simply cant drink thats just all there is to it.
I think I will take your guys advice and just try to brush it off and stop the poor me attitude. I've also decided I can't just drink once and not drink for a while, I can't control my drinking so I've decided to never drink again.
I read most of a HUGE article here: https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicati...14/310-339.htm that explains in great detail how alcohol affects us, and how & why it's addicting. Extremely helpful in me understanding how this darn poison has me hooked.
Your entire brains neurotransmission gets reprogrammed by alcohol and causes a permanent dependency after extended abuse. So basically anyone who's abused alcohol for an extended period even without a family tree of alcoholism are pretty much doomed as well.
I wish I would've known this before I started chugging down beers every day for the last years and had a bit more self control............
Game over now. Time to live life alcohol free. I'm also going to stop letting counting get on my nerves and just embrace it as others have.. I can't "stop" counting unfortunately the more I try to stop the more I count which is actually part of why I posted this I suppose. I obsess over stuff and like having control over whatever possible so when I can't control a thought it really bugs me. One of the reasons I used to drink was it would dumb me out to where I wouldn't constantly obsess and over analyze everything.
P.S It's day 61. xD
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