Time...
 

Day 6. It's damn near impossible, but I will say it's easier than day #1. I'm finding I have so much TIME. I'm 41, single, a teacher. I get home and literally go to bed at 6pm so I don't drink and then I wake up at 4am. And I lie there thinking of how I centered my life 100% around alcohol. And how hard it'll be not to have that at Christmas parties, vacations, etc. I KNOW I can't drink, bc I definitely did not limit it to those special occasions. I'm still frustrated, though, I can't be a nonalcoholic who can enjoy a nice holiday buzz or something. I guess I should feel lucky, though, I'm in the place I am now instead of in the place I was 6 days ago (and I do), it's just hard. I'm off to my sister's tonight where everyone will be drinking wine. I won't drink, but it will feel so strange and so hard.

Great job on 6 days. You can do this!

Give yourself a little time to get used to being sober.
6 days is awesome, but it's less than a week :)


Everyone thinks how will I do this or that or get through that without drinking...but you will.

You just do :)

Everything that seems strange and unfamiliar and insurmountable know, won't stay that way. :)

I love sober life - I wouldn;t be sober if I felt I lost out on the deal - noone would.

Have a little faith - it'll all be ok :)

D

You could consider not going. You've said it's been hard. Why add temptation to the struggle?

Hang in there, Sohard.
Each day it gets a bit easier.
I found that my attitude was less black about the not drinking thing when I began to sleep better, about 10 days into sobriety.
The toughest thing for me was accepting that I just couldn’t drink like other people, and that took some time.
You will get past this, and come to find new things to do to fill all that new free time you have.
Good luck and good thoughts.

I'm a teacher as well Sohard. Once you've got more sobriety under your belt things will get easier. Those first weeks are exhausting though. They just are.

I remember wondering what I was ever going to do to fill all that time. Meetings really helped (AA) and it was good to meet other professional women who's walked the path of recovery before me and could offer their experience and hope. I got a lot of strength from them, and still do.

I also started volunteering at local events - helping out at the firework display; marshalling local running events so the more sporty types could actually join in the 'fun'; and other one off events (being a teacher I didnt want to over-commit). Also, I thought back to some of the things I used to enjoy in childhood (when I was last sober lol), and used some of my time trying those things again. Art, sewing, tap-dancing, book group, author events at the local book shop, going to see local productions at the theatre, creative writing group, cake decorating ... I tried bell-ringing as well, but that was an unmitigating disaster. Anyway - what I'm saying is that there is SO much to spend your time on. But none of it comes looking for us.

Please be careful tonight. I'd suggest having a good exit plan (or even better, an excuse not to attend - not forever, but in your first few weeks of sobriety at least.) The main triggers can be remembered by HALTS
Hungry / Hormonal
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Sick
Your plan for getting through this evening could take those things into account , and include ways of preventing each of those cropping up.

Anyway. Well done for the sober time so far.
BB

I go to bed really early too - but when I wake up sometime close to having eight hours sleep, I get up.

I am really careful about the thoughts I allow to stick around. Romantisizing the drink is not allowed in my head!

"No, thanks, I'll have water/Coke/juice please," when they ask you if you want one.

Good point. My thought process, however, was the bigger hurdles I make myself jump early on, the quicker I'll 'recover'. Not sure if that's accurate, though. Someone on here, though, did remind me that will power is a finite resource, which made sense.

Thank you. It's good for me to hear things like "10 days" because it keeps me hanging onto something, some hope. Thank you.

Thank you for this helpful email. The bell-ringing anecdote gave me the first laugh I've had this hellish week. :)

Not accurate in my experience. I don't think there is much that you can do to make you recover "quicker." Recovery has its own timeline. But you can make your chances of success in sobriety greater if you do things that support your recovery early on, rather than challenges. You'll be facing enough of those. Build a solid foundation of sobriety, or sober muscles as they are called, before putting yourself in harms way.

But if you are determined to go, and it seems you are, have an exit strategy in place should the urge to drink or discomfort overwhelm you.

You know what? If you feel that way, then I'm not going. You've been through the early stages of recovery - I am obviously just starting - so I should take your advice. That's why I'm on this website, right? ? I may not know you, but I know on this you know more than me. I really thought the early challenge thing would speed things up, but I guess that was wishful thinking. Thanks for your advice!

My name is Obladi and I approve of this choice. ^^^

Early in sobriety, I went to a wedding that, had I been thinking about it in a better way, I would bypassed.
Daughter of family friends, wedding was in upstate New York (wine country), spouse really wanted to get away, etc.
it wasn’t great. Everyone was drinking, of course, and I just wasn’t secure enough in my sobriety yet.
I wanted to drink, too.
I didn’t, but I really, really wanted to.
In retrospect, I wonder why I put myself in that position. What am I , Superwoman?
It served as a good lesson , though.
My sobriety is the most important thing. I worked hard to achieve it, and I won’t give it up.

Sohard,
May I recommend the book ‘Habit Stacking: 127 Small Changes to Improve Your Health, Wealth, and Happiness’? You’re in the enviable position to have a bit of extra time on your hands and this book might get you started on some new habits and introduce some new spark!

Wow! Yes, thank you! I'm excited to read this. Thank you!

Sohard,
You’re welcome! Let us know how it goes!

I ended up stopping by my sister's after dinner (so that I didn't have to sit through cocktail hour or the wine being passed around at dinner). When I got there, all the adults were drinking wine at the dinner table with their desserts. I stayed for 5 minutes, but I actually felt more boredom than anything else. The after-dinner conversation wasn't nearly as interesting as I usually find it, I'm sure bc I was sober. Then I got up and joined my niece and nephew in the tv room and played (for the first time) on their Wii with them. I actually had a lot of fun and so did they. That was a nice surprise. I couldn't hang (yet) comfortably or with enjoyment with the adults, but I found an even better way to pass the time - with the two kiddos I love more than life itself. All in all, last night was a win. Thanks everyone for your support. And you all were right - it would've been too much too soon to be there all night trying to be sober. (At the end of the day today, it'll be a week! Wow!).

When you stop focusing on the drinking you start to see where the good things in life are really happening! You will begin to truly experience what it means to be alive and in the moment. Glad you got to spend quality time with your niece and nephew. They will see you in a whole new light because you were there with them and enjoying their company! They will remember those times. You should be very proud. Keep it going!

Thanks, Chloe! My sister texted me this morning saying her kiddos wanted to know if I could babysit soon. :)