eve123

Iv had horrendous day with AV iv had personal stuff going on and my defects have been off the scale. I have a bad sinus infection I really really am finding it hard to not pick up. Iv prayed spoken to sponsor I just can't cope today. I feel paranoid vunrable I just feel lost scared full iv fear and I know what will stop it help me pls I can't do this again

Sohard

Don't pick it up! It'll make you feel MUCH worse, not better. Much much worse. It appears if you can make it through this hellish day, you can make it through any day, right??? Why not give yourself that gift? I believe in you. You need to also!

Berrybean

Come on Hedd - you know that if it did make you feel better that would only be for an extremely short time, then the repurcussions would be much, much worse than feeling sick n tired for a 'normal' reason. Play the tape forward past the initial relief. You know it's no solution really.

Can I suggest:

Prayer (including gratitude list)
Helping another alcoholic
Getting to a meeting (if that's not possible you could listen to some AA speakers perhaps... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/ )


Have you been to the doctor and got some antibiotics for your infection? If so then no doubt it will soon clear up. If not, try to get to the doctors asap.

You don't want to throw this away - please don't let your AV use illness as amunition.

BB

eve123

Thanks for replying you both. I just feel so bad. Got jealous over my ex with his new family. Saw some pics of them on Facebook all happy n me here feeling like crap fighting hard to get better. Just sorry for myself just feel like everything is hurting me and my head is pounding. I just want it all to stop for a bit the pain the feeling like a reject the thinking negative stuff about myself. I'm snalxoholic I caused a lot of trouble when I was drinking all he's done is found happiness why can't I be gracious n accept what is instead of angry n bitter n hating myself. Bla bla it's my illness all over this is how it tries to get me hate hate hate alcoholism n what it does to my emotions

Berrybean

Awww Hedd - don't go believing all you see on Farsebook. People just put up the bits of the life they want to project. Reminds me of a great sermon I once heard by Nadia Bolz Weber - she's a priest, but also an alcoholic in recovery...
Sermon on how the good is so good and the bad is so useful

I've been poorly as well, and it hit me hard at the weekend after going to see my Dad the day before, which always leaves me jangley. Anyway, I felt so wrung out and emotional that I ended up blubbing in church - all very embarrassing, although I was treated with such compassion it was quite heartening in that way. Have a cry if you need it - BE sad. BE sick. Likelihood is that those things will soon pass. Drinking would really, quickly and most definitely make things much, much worse.

BB x

Obladi

" BE sad. BE sick."
Very good advice BB.
I had a sponsor once who said "Feel the **** out of those feelings."
And have heard advice to devote x amount of time to worrying/feeling bad about something and then moving on.

Hedd,
Can you watch some endless Netflix mindless series? (How I Met Your Mother or something like that...) That helps me when I'm wallowing.

Also, are there some small tasks you can do? Tidy up the kitchen, do some laundry, clean out a drawer? Often I find this to be helpful when I have that restless ick feeling.

If you do nothing else today, Just Don't Drink.

O

eve123

Thanks. Bb I listened to that it helped. It's called me down a bit. Thanks obaldi il try n feel these horrible emotions but I find it so hard to let go in s healthy way. To stop obsessive thoughts etc. This is my illness my alcoholism my devil talking to me trying to get me back. Iv kept busy also my house looks tidy my kids are going to bed shortly. I'm gona go layer n listen to Aa speakers. I will not drink today. I know how it will go. I would end up a sorry mess crying then angry then I'd probably send horrible messages to my exs bla bla bla. Definition of insanity. So yes it hurts today I feel emotionally mentally n physically stretched to my limit. But I will not go and buy wine. Scary how strong it's call can be gratitude lost also will be done x

Berrybean

Well done Hedd - resist the pull of that crazy alcoholic vortex.

Hugs to you.

I'm off to bed now - hoping I can manage to actually lay down without it causing coughing fits tonight. (Oh, and Goodness me - how hard is it to find alcohol-free cough medicine!!? Took me an age - had to get the pharmacist to help me read the labels in the end.)

Night night x

Obladi

Good rest to both of you. Hedd, it's good you recognize the AV. He's a filthy little bugger. Nothing to fear - YOU won't drink.

ScottFromWI

Good job on coming here to talk your way through this Hedd. Believe it or not, that means you are starting to develop coping skills and that's a very good thing. Stay close and stay strong - we are here for you.

Stayingsassy

A meeting is a wonderful idea. Even if you aren't in the program I find sitting in a meeting very calming when I'm grappling with drinking thoughts.

Exercise. Unless you are too sick to work out: a sweaty, vigorous workout always turns me around.

Make sure you've eaten, had enough sleep, if you're processing emotions, write them in a journal. HALT is so real. I notice drinking thoughts slipping in when I've gone too long without eating!

You'll never regret waking up sober tomorrow. I guarantee it.

eve123

Thank you all soooo much. Woke up this morning with my sobriety intact. No horrible anxiety self hate hell. Gratitude doesn't even cover how I feel and all those things in my head yesterday have today passed a bit. I didn't drink thank god xx

Dee74

Really glad for you Hedd

D

Obladi

Hedd, how goes it with you?

tomsteve

what Obladi said.

Gottalife

How did step five go?