Brand new
 

Hello,

I am brand new to sobriety (like, 2 days brand new). Obviously at this point I'm still in hell. This might sound like I'm looking for a reason to throw in the towel (I'm not), but I'm just genuinely wondering something:

Does not drinking ever get to seem really nice all around? I mean, I would bet not drinking on a work night or something might get to seem somewhat great. Even wonderful because you'll get more done, waste less money, feel better in the morning, etc. But what about those times when the non-alcoholics of the world are bonding over a Bloody Mary lunch, or having champagne at a wedding, or barbecuing out back with beers, etc. I simply can't imagine having the same type of fun if I wasn't drinking (and, despite my alcoholism, I still did enjoy those events, it would just be messed up that I would then go home and continue by myself until I passed out, unbeknownst to anyone else). It just seems like so much of society is surrounded by events pertaining to alcohol (what's before the party?? Cocktail hour!). I know things could be worse. I could be a syrian refugee, I could be dead, I could be paralyzed, etc. So, I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, although I guess I am. I'm just sad that I won't ever get to unwind like all the friends/family of mine who don't have a problem and can kick back and split a bottle of wine, not even thinking of having another for another week or more. I don't know. Just some thought's I was having if anyone has any advice. Thank you.

Oh, and sorry I keep coming on here for advice. Hopefully one day I'll be the giver of it instead of the taker of it.

Sohard, I used to wonder the same thing. In fact it kept me from getting sober for many years. To be honest, in the very beginning I was a little resentful that I couldn't be a social drinker. But I had proven to myself that I never knew when to stop, never wanted the party to end. In my case it led to drinking all day. You probably weren't at the stage I was - but you definitely have had the warning signs. (I had them, but refused to take action like you are.)

My resentment & bitterness turned to gratitude - joy even. It was so wonderful to be free of the pain & chaos my drinking brought me. Be patient with yourself - it's just the beginning of your journey. Please don't stop asking for advice - that's why we're all here.

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Ahhhh, romancing the drinking.

You can't imagine life without alcohol because you are barely sober. Two days is great, but your brain is still wired for your addiction.

When drinking is the center of your universe, which for us alcoholics it is, then all you see is drinking around you. I'm here to vouch that there is a life after drinking. That plenty of people don't drink. In fact, most don't...not like I did.

And yes, not drinking becomes nice. When you accept never drinking and stop viewing sobriety as something that is depriving you of that which makes you happy. I don't know your full story, but all you drinking can't have been all "nice" or you wouldn't be here.

I agree with you, Carl. 'Fear of missing out' was a big thing for me. It delayed my sobriety by many years - until I was in deep trouble.

Welcome Sohard,

This forum is for us to get advice. Please ask anything anytime.

I thought EXACTLY like you when I was drinking and new to sobriety. It helped me stay in my disease for much longer than I wanted to. Fast forward 21 months, I would not have imagined how much more fun I have at all the scenarios you described. I get to unwind laughing and joking with friends over drinks at bars all the time. I just have soda, juice, water and they have their favorite beverage. I get to jump in my car and drive home. I get to sleep peacefully in my bed. When I wake up, I know where I am, I know what I did the night before and I feel grateful.

This is good to know. Thank you so much.

I've been thinking about it a bit more. I guess if I wasn't an alcoholic, and I looked at the bloody mary's and champagne and beers the same way I look at, say, lemonade, then I wouldn't be so disappointed to miss out on drinking in those circumstances. Thus, as an alcoholic, the very fact I will miss these events so much means I have a very big problem which needs to be addressed. Non alcoholics wouldn't miss these things so much. I know I'm still a new person on this journey, but, at age 41 it is shocking to me that people relax/gather/celebrate without looking forward to a drink. Since I was a teenager sneaking out to parties with my friends, all social gatherings have involved alcohol. It will hard to retrain my mind to thinking of spending time with people without alcohol as being just as enjoyable. I think I'll have to constantly remind myself of the money I've wasted, the jobs I've lost, the friendships I've ruined, the misery of hangovers, etc. I'm still stuck on I wish I wasn't an alcoholic and could drink like a non-alcoholic. But, oh well.

Anyway, just thinking aloud (or rather writing silently, but you get my drift..I'm just trying to think through what I'm thinking).

Welcome to SR sohard. I couldn't fathom having "fun" doing anything without alcohol at first either. If I was not asleep or at work, I drank literally every waking moment of the day. Whether it was mowing the lawn, going on vacation or painting the house, I always had lots of beer available.

What you'll find as you get more time under your belt though is that you are basically a slave to alcohol and most of it really isn't much fun at all. And eventually you can end up needing alcohol simply to function.

That's not to say that just quitting in of itself is going to magically transform your life. We need to make wholesale changes to what we do, where we do it and who we do it with. The good news is that it's entirely possible to enjoy just about anything without alcohol. Give it some time and focus on developing your coping skills and you will be amazed how your life can turn around

Thank you, Scott. But, does it get easier? I've noticed many people have been on this site of years and years. And I'm grateful for everyone's advice. But, is everyone still on here bc they all still struggling? Essentially, is being a recovering alcoholic always going to be a stuggle? Can you ever just be "recovered". It seems disappointing to give up one struggle (alcoholism) in exchange for another (recovery).

Sohard, of course it does get easier - after all, we humans are creatures of habit. After a while you adjust to the new normal and will be less and less obsessed with alcohol.
I'm presently at the 90 day mark and while the first two weeks I could not stop thinking about alcohol, alcohol, alcohol, it is now a different story all topgether. Which, by the way, doesn't mean that I can let my guard down, because when I go to SR and read that somebody relapsed and drank 15 beers last night I just might think 'mmmmhh, that sounds nice!' - the devil never sleeps, lol.
I was at a dinner party last night and when wine was offered I just said no thanks; no big deal and like somebody already mentioned above, I drove home, woke up today, and could remember everything I had said and done. And, by the way, these days I sleep like a baby.
Stay strong, don't take that first drink, and hopefully 3 months from now you'll do the same!

Wow. I just loved your thoughts. The fact that maybe, if I'm like you, I can be at a dinner party in just 90 days and have it be "no big deal" is very comforting and a big relief. Thank you so much. Congratulations on 90 whole days. That's truly amazing.

Yes, that sums it up perfectly Mac. I drank 30 yrs. & could never imagine life without it. I'll be sober 10 years in January. If it hadn't become easier, I'd be long gone from SR.

Not only is' so much of society is surrounded by events pertaining to alcohol'

it seems that every gas station, drug stores, grocery stores, dollar stores , have right up in front, large pyramids , or stacks and stacks of 12/18/24 packs of all of my favorite beers, on sale, I guess people in early recovery like myself have to except the fact that we are always going to be, ' surrounded by alcohol'

Yes, it gets much easier. I really don't struggle with the idea of drinking at all anymore. I am still here on SR because I do need to remind myself why I quit in the first place, but also so I can try and help others. Also pretty much every facet of my life has improved over the time I have been sober. My health is far better, my relationships with my family and friends is better, my career is better....pretty much everything is better because I quit drinking alcohol.

It gets tremendously easier. Being "recovered" doesn't mean that we don't need to do maintenance on our program. We are evolving spiritual beings and need to keep adapting and growing our plan. Helping others is a very important part of a successful sobriety program. The whole AA program is based on one alcoholic helping another alcoholic.

Sohard,

I think normal drinkers look forward to a drink too. The big difference between them and me is that a normal drinker seems to be satisfied by having a drink or two, where for me having a drink or two sets off a craving for more and more.

I get how in the beginning it seems overwhelming to think of never drinking again, especially during those "special occasions". My alcoholic brain seems to have a selective memory. The thing is I ended up at AA and SR because the bad outcomes from my drinking far outweighed the few times the outcome was positive.

If you find yourself struggling with recovery, you are doing it wrong.

This is really interesting. What do you mean? Someone (Phoenix?) said it never gets easy. Do you disagree? I sincerely welcome your thoughts!

I think he's talking about giving in to sobriety, because it's just time. If you completely surrender, then yes there are difficulties ahead but there is an acceptance that overrides it all, which means peace, not struggle.

If you are questioning it at all, there is struggle. When there is no question, there is peace.