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Old 10-10-2017, 09:24 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
I think he's talking about giving in to sobriety, because it's just time. If you completely surrender, then yes there are difficulties ahead but there is an acceptance that overrides it all, which means peace, not struggle.

If you are questioning it at all, there is struggle. When there is no question, there is peace.
Okay. Thanks. Then, I'm wondering...how long did it take you to "surrender"? Obviously everyone is different, but I'm just curious about times. I mean, I can't imagine most people "surrender" on day 1 of rehab or they'd be able to head home after detoxing. And I'm obviously trying so hard and not drinking now, but I don't feel I've "surrendered".
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post
Okay. Thanks. Then, I'm wondering...how long did it take you to "surrender"? Obviously everyone is different, but I'm just curious about times. I mean, I can't imagine most people "surrender" on day 1 of rehab or they'd be able to head home after detoxing. And I'm obviously trying so hard and not drinking now, but I don't feel I've "surrendered".
There is no timeline of course. Its very important to remember though that surrendering/accepting/acknowledging your addiction is a choice you make - and no one else can do it for you.

Some people make multiple attempts to quit and return to drinking over a period of many years, even decades. But it doesn't have to be that way.

It's a question you really have to answer for yourself. Do you really want to quit and stay quit? And if so are you willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen? These are rhetorical questions....think about them and see what kind of answers you come up with.
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post
I mean, I can't imagine most people "surrender" on day 1 of rehab or they'd be able to head home after detoxing. And I'm obviously trying so hard and not drinking now, but I don't feel I've "surrendered".
actually, yes, a person can surrender on day 1 of rehab. they can surrender even before day 1 of rehab- thats how they get to rehab and start to get rehabilitated.
think about what rehab is short for- rehabilitation
-the action of restoring someone to health or normal life through training and therapy addiction, or illness.
-the action of restoring something that has been damaged to its former condition.
surrender is the first step to being restored.
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:53 AM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
actually, yes, a person can surrender on day 1 of rehab. they can surrender even before day 1 of rehab- thats how they get to rehab and start to get rehabilitated.
think about what rehab is short for- rehabilitation
-the action of restoring someone to health or normal life through training and therapy addiction, or illness.
-the action of restoring something that has been damaged to its former condition.
surrender is the first step to being restored.
Ah, of course, this makes complete sense. Thank you.
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post
Thank you, Scott. But, does it get easier? I've noticed many people have been on this site of years and years. And I'm grateful for everyone's advice. But, is everyone still on here bc they all still struggling? Essentially, is being a recovering alcoholic always going to be a stuggle? Can you ever just be "recovered". It seems disappointing to give up one struggle (alcoholism) in exchange for another (recovery).
not everyone is here because they are struggling. MANY here have overcome their addiction/alcoholism and are here to help others.

can a person be recovered?
depends on what the meaning would be.
if recovered from alcoholism and can now drink like a normal person, an alcoholic cant do that.
- recovered from the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body that made me drink?
yup.
but that doesnt mean i can drink without consequences now. being recovered in this sense means i no longer care about alcohol nor do i crave it. i no longer have a desire to drink
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:55 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
There is no timeline of course. Its very important to remember though that surrendering/accepting/acknowledging your addiction is a choice you make - and no one else can do it for you.

Some people make multiple attempts to quit and return to drinking over a period of many years, even decades. But it doesn't have to be that way.

It's a question you really have to answer for yourself. Do you really want to quit and stay quit? And if so are you willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen? These are rhetorical questions....think about them and see what kind of answers you come up with.
Thank you. Yes, I'll think about all of these things.
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Old 10-10-2017, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
not everyone is here because they are struggling. MANY here have overcome their addiction/alcoholism and are here to help others.

can a person be recovered?
depends on what the meaning would be.
if recovered from alcoholism and can now drink like a normal person, an alcoholic cant do that.
- recovered from the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body that made me drink?
yup.
but that doesnt mean i can drink without consequences now. being recovered in this sense means i no longer care about alcohol nor do i crave it. i no longer have a desire to drink
Thanks for your thoughts!
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:09 PM
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So screwed up. I was feeling solid on my day 3. But I'm off to my mom's for the night, where we always have a couple glasses of wine (and then I have a bottle or 2 after she goes to sleep). The second I walked into her apartment lobby I started CRAVING wine, thinking if I'm going to screw up, now on day 3 is the day to do it!

This is vicious. I literally don't know how anyone wins this battle. I don't think I can. And that attitude, I know, is 1/2 the problem. It's just SO DAMN HARD.
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:21 PM
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If you've read around this forum at all, you had to have read posts that talk about change and how change is vital for recovery to succeed. We have to change both our mindsets and our patterns of behavior. We have to avoid situations where alcohol is present, situations that trigger our drinking.

You walked right into the lion's den. Unprepared.

That has to change.
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:24 PM
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I lead a far more fulfilling life in sobriety than I ever did drunk. You are still way too close to the drinking for your brain to be back to normalcy, so I can understand why at your early stage in sobriety you may still feel this way. Get more sober time under your belt, and trust me you won't. By not drinking we are not missing ANYTHING, I firmly believe that.
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:26 PM
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
If you've read around this forum at all, you had to have read posts that talk about change and how change is vital for recovery to succeed. We have to change both our mindsets and our patterns of behavior. We have to avoid situations where alcohol is present, situations that trigger our drinking.

You walked right into the lion's den. Unprepared.

That has to change.
You're right. I'm not drinking yet and pray I don't. I know - I'm the only one who can make that happen. It's just so hard.
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post
I literally don't know how anyone wins this battle. I don't think I can. And that attitude, I know, is 1/2 the problem. It's just SO DAMN HARD.
Everyone on Sober Recovery who has any extended sober time has gone through the same battle you are. Faced the same overwhelming compulsion to drink, dealt with the same doubts. And remained sober.

So can you.
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:27 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberHoopsFan View Post
I lead a far more fulfilling life in sobriety than I ever did drunk. You are still way too close to the drinking for your brain to be back to normalcy, so I can understand why at your early stage in sobriety you may still feel this way. Get more sober time under your belt, and trust me you won't. By not drinking we are not missing ANYTHING, I firmly believe that.
Thank you! I needed these words of support tonight.
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:28 PM
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Everyone on Sober Recovery who has any extended sober time has gone through the same battle you are. Faced the same overwhelming compulsion to drink, dealt with the same doubts. And remained sober.

So can you.
Thank you truly.
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:32 PM
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Glad you aren't drinking. Remember why you came here in the first place and stay strong.
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post
Okay. Thanks. Then, I'm wondering...how long did it take you to "surrender"? Obviously everyone is different, but I'm just curious about times. I mean, I can't imagine most people "surrender" on day 1 of rehab or they'd be able to head home after detoxing. And I'm obviously trying so hard and not drinking now, but I don't feel I've "surrendered".
I'm only on day 15. Every day I surrender. I'm just coming into sobriety again, so I'm still in a sober box I've locked myself into. It's still grey walls and barred windows. But I'm starting to hear some birds outside, some signs of life out there. I might open those windows soon, maybe even venture outside to feel my feet on the grass.

Still reeling from my last drunk, though, so still hunched over in my box. Going to work, going to AA, going to the gym, doing family stuff, but it's rote and going through the motions because right now 1. I'm sober and 2. Deathly afraid of relapsing.

When you're that ready, you'll know. For now, why don't you give yourself a sober goal, lots of people do 30 days. The wine will always be there. Friends and family will be there holding their glasses. If your brain won't let up, maybe just trick it into believing it's a sober detox. Then see how you're feeling in four weeks: I'll bet, a lot better than you feel today.
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Old 10-10-2017, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
I'm only on day 15. Every day I surrender. I'm just coming into sobriety again, so I'm still in a sober box I've locked myself into. It's still grey walls and barred windows. But I'm starting to hear some birds outside, some signs of life out there. I might open those windows soon, maybe even venture outside to feel my feet on the grass.

Still reeling from my last drunk, though, so still hunched over in my box. Going to work, going to AA, going to the gym, doing family stuff, but it's rote and going through the motions because right now 1. I'm sober and 2. Deathly afraid of relapsing.

When you're that ready, you'll know. For now, why don't you give yourself a sober goal, lots of people do 30 days. The wine will always be there. Friends and family will be there holding their glasses. If your brain won't let up, maybe just trick it into believing it's a sober detox. Then see how you're feeling in four weeks: I'll bet, a lot better than you feel today.
Gosh. This is an interesting idea. Thank you. I like the idea of tricking myself into thinking it's just a sober detox. Maybe then surrendering will be easier.
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Old 10-10-2017, 03:12 PM
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sohard, you have the choice tonight to sit around temptation or walk away from it.

i didnt stand a chance at staying sober if i walked into wet places.
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Old 10-10-2017, 03:38 PM
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Thinking of you, Sohard - really hoping you won't cave & cause yourself more misery. I'm very glad you are talking it over here. We care.
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Old 10-10-2017, 05:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
Thinking of you, Sohard - really hoping you won't cave & cause yourself more misery. I'm very glad you are talking it over here. We care.
Thank you so, so much for the support. I held off and didn't drink. It was shocking. Im sincerely shocked. and I know it's because of all of your support. I'm going home to bed now (it's easier to sleep/lie there than wish I had some wine in front of the tv). I kept thinking about how someone the other day on horrible night #1 of sobriety said if I made it through that, I never would have to again. So that pulled me back from a disaster. Thank you God!!!!!
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