Sohard

This is day #1, and it is hell. I quit once (for 62 days!) and thought I could then be a social drinker. Big mistake. This is just hell quitting. I so want to just start tomorrow, but then it just goes on and on and on. I feel motivated to start now, but, it's so hard. Too hard. I feel like if I make it through tonight, though, maybe I'll have some faith I can make it through the next night. This problem is horrible.

Dee74

Today is always the very best day so quit SoHard
I stuck to SR pretty closely my first few days - support really helps.

D

Sohard

Thank you. I hope this works.

Hevyn

Welcome, Sohard - it's great to have you here.

I did the same thing. Had some sober time & decided I could be a social drinker. It's very hard to admit that willpower isn't going to save us. We can't ever keep it to 'just one'. Being here, talking to people who understand and care, helped me change my life. We're here to encourage you. We know you can do it.

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome. I was in the cycle you describe for thirty years. Sure, I could put a few days together so I had it under control.
Everyone around me drank, so I figured they drank like me.
I was wrong.
At the end I was drinking shooters of whiskey at 8:am on the way home from the liquor store with my days supply.

It can be hard to quit. It sure was with me. I tried for ten years and finally gave up and went to AA and came here.
It can be done. I drank alcoholically for thirty years, and now it's been over six years since I've had a drink.
I couldn't imagine going the rest of my life without drinking, so I do it one day at a time. You mention that. Try it. Do whatever it takes.

You can quit. I can relate and I believe in you. Best to you.

Sohard

Thanks everybody. I like the one day at a time idea. Looking ahead a lifetime without alcohol seems sad right now, which I know is warped.

Stayingsassy

Good for you for today being day one....instead of tomorrow, sometimes tomorrow never comes. Sobriety is hard in the beginning. I'm not quite at two weeks and gutting out each day. But: while sobriety is hard, drinking is hell.

Sohard

Wow...two weeks? I'm impressed. To me, that seems like decades.

Gottalife

I liked one day at a time for a while. It is a good strategy for temporary sobriety. It bought me enough time to get into the aa program and understand that I could achieve permanent sobriety by learning to live life one day at a time.

I wanted to stop for good. No way did I want to go back to the misery that was my life, and I had absolutely no reservations about one day being able to drink again. That position is even stronger today after many years of sobriety for two reasons. The first being that life is so rewarding trying to live on a spiritual basis. God and the steps gave me a whole new outlook.

The second thing is that I have observed the disease seems to continue progressing even if we are not drinking. I have noticed on the rare occasion I have seen someone with many years relapse, it is even rarer for them to survive. So is have an added incentive to continue living as I am.

It is not so hard. There is no daily decision about whether to drink or not, the problem was removed and I don’t even have to think about it. My day starts with a little prayer and a review of my plans for that day.

August252015

As usual, what Gottalife said.

One thing I'd add....IME and IMO, turning "hope I do" statements into "I will" statements is a key mental shift. Sobriety is an all or nothing deal- either we want it more than anything and go to any lengths (I'm an AA hence that phrasing) to get and keep it....or we don't.

Also....I PROMISE you it is eventually easier to live in sobriety than in active addiction. In countless ways - we discover ours as our mind and body clear....and we take active efforts to build a life in recovery.

You can do it.

Sohard

I really appreciate the support. So, I made it one night. It's a start I guess.

tiffanyeagle

you will feel better each day - and then, you never have to feel like this again, one day at a time.

make today a sober day, just today. and then do it again

Sohard

Feeling strong! I think the strangest thing is wrapping my mind around who I am/will be. I had to have major knee surgery 2 years ago, and I had to work my butt off to get back to how I used to be. It was easy, though, to work hard bc I knew what I was working towards. It is strange to be working so hard now but not knowing what the end result is. I mean, I've never been a sober adult. I don't even know who she is, who I am, I guess. Nonalcoholics clearly grow into their adult selves gradually. At 41, this feels like a majorly delayed development issue I hadn't even been aware I had. Anyway, just some thoughts I was having.

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you are doing well and learning Sohard. Regarding the "delayed development" thing...I feel the same way. I started drinking when I was in my early teens and I daily drinking in early adulthood - and continued all the way through to my early 40's. I really never learned a lot of the coping skills or "grew up" in many ways I think....not til I stopped drinking when I was 42.

Sohard

It's good to know others like you can relate. Thank you.

tomsteve

good thoughts.
as with scott, i started drinking in my early teens,too. through all the years of my drinking, there were really only 2 things i learned how to do- work and drink. drinking was my solution for everything( which sucked like a kirby) and took pride in workin hard.
unfortunately, i didnt really learn how to live life on lifes terms. i had no idea who i was.
those revelations didnt come until i got sober.
thats when i got into AA. slowly but surely, i started learning who i am- the program helped me see what made me tick and how to change. there was help from others in recovery there.
both of them helped me learn how to live life on lifes terms.

Mac4711

Sohard, good morning! How are you holding up?

Sohard

Doing great, thank you. I know, however, there will be challenges ahead. For the moment at least, I feel motivated to tackle them. Tomorrow I'll be at my sister's with family, all of whom will be drinking wine. It'll be tough, but I'm determined to make it through. It's very early for such a hurdle, I know, but I figure the more hell I put myself through early, perhaps the easier this will get.

Mac4711

Great to hear that everything’s going well! Don’t challenge yourself too hard, willpower is a finite resource. Good luck this weekend, I’m sure you’ll make it through!

Sohard

Thanks. It's a tricky little disease. This is my first Friday night without a bottle of wine in over 20 years. I momentarily just found myself thinking, 'well, I've lasted 5 days, I can stop this silliness and just have one bottle' (I can't even pretend it's just be a glass). That's INSANE. Sure it's been 5 days, but the fact they were hell should be all I need to know. Ugh. I've just learned the term AV. I'll have to watch out for it.