hi11ary

I know I made the right decision. I know I did. I know I probably should have kept to my guns when I broke things off all the other times in the past two years. But that’s okay. I ‘m here now, and I have to get through it this time. To get over the hump of extreme pain and uncertainty. I felt like I was going insane.. The same pattern would repeat itself over and over and over. It was groundhogs day. And he didn't even see it. I felt so alone.

I think another hard thing is knowing he’s kind of just given up on us. He’s making no effort to mend things. And I can’t be sure that if he was I wouldn’t fall for it again. In fact I know I probably would because I love him so much. He’s really doing me a favor. But I know (well pretty sure) sure he’s on a drinking bender right now.... So that’s hard too. I really wish it had ended differently. It was pretty bad. We are not talking, he’s been incredibly disrespectful, and I’ve said some mean things... Now we’re both in our own worlds, alone. He’s probably burying his pain with alcohol and that really hurts to know. That he’s kind of back where he started before we met. Ugh it hurts that he hasn't reached out..

Reminding myself of the reasons why I left:

• The pain and uncertainty of wondering, will he be drunk when I get home today.
• His complete lack of motivation to do anything
• His passionlessness. Unless he’s drunk, then everything’s amazing!!
• I just absolutely do not like the person he becomes when he’s drinking
• My sensitivity to alcoholics due to my mom
• His inability to have any foresight or planning
• His lack of enthusiasm for anything (unless, of course, he’s drinking)
• The lack of trust
• The broken promises
• The smoking
• The feeling of having to manage his addictions because he didn't care less but I cared too much. Too much time. I’m not his mother.

Isn't that enough... It just hurt too much.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm just feeling really alone and sad.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR hi11ary. Sorry you had to endure so much but it's good that you are now aware of the problem and taking care of yourself/seeking help. Addiction is a horrendously selfish thing, for most active alcoholics the only thing that matters is where the next drink is coming from - above and beyond family/job/health/etc.

We have a friends and family forum here you may want to check out as well, but you are always welcome here too - so don't be afraid to ask for support. And know you are definitely not alone.

Done4today

Good luck Hillary,

Once you get past the grieving stage of losing the relationship. You'll be much happier and grateful that you've taken the decision you have. Pray for your exbf and hopefully he finds his path to sobriety. Maybe once sober you two can reconcile as friends again but without sobriety he can't be anyone's friend.

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug.

Nowsthetime

I'm sorry you hurt so much.

This is probably the best favor you ever did him. Hopefully it will be his "bottom". Sometimes people come into our lives, teach us a lesson and then move on or we move on. Take what you learned and never look back!

Eaglelizard

Having been an alcoholic ex BF many times over myself, I would just observe that it will probably take him a LONG time to bottom. Longer than you would want to wait. If he has basic survival instincts, he will eventually figure it out. If he does not have them, well, what kind of life would you have with him anyway? Don't look back.

Gottalife

Hi Hillary,

Your list of problems pretty much identified me. I was just like that. I can tell you that the people who left, who refused to tolerate my antics, were the ones that helped me the most in the long run. If it had been me, you would have done me a great favour by leaving. I would not have liked it at the time, but I would have known deep down you did the right thing and that I brought it on myself.

All the best for the future.

Mynameisbetsy

We are so much on the same boat. Can we talk?