I'm so ****ing scared
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 166
Hi Arthox, you have inspired my first post on this site. I am now in my mid forties and can identify with your mindset. I think a lot of intelligent, fit people believe that their bodies and minds are bulletproof, often until it is quite obvious to others that this is not the case. At 26, I definitely felt that I had superhuman drinking, working, and exercising capabilities and this mentality didn't really go away until my life completely spiraled out of control due to a prolonged period of "bad luck" that lasted about 10 years. You may be extremely successful at managing your alcohol abuse for a period of years and have some very good experiences along the way. But one day you will be drinking 1961 Latour with a group of buddies that you consider to be your kindred spirits and literally the next day they will have moved on with their lives, had kids, etc. and you will be driving off the pier of life drinking vodka out of the bottle (to paraphrase Bruce Willis) by yourself and not even really enjoying it that much. In fact, you may feel a lot of anger and self pity at this point. The body may take longer to fall apart, but the mental game gets extremely tough. Just in my experience...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by Arthox 
*disclaimer: I'm not trying to trigger anyone. Don't read it.*
I wake up this morning. So used to having alcohol in my system, I'm not hungover yet. I don't get drunk anymore. I can drink enough to knock out everyone I was around last night combined, and feel nothing.
I feel like I'm in a weird predicament because I'm young, still. My 16 circles of friends around this area all smoke weed and drink. I go hiking, camping, and kayaking all the time and it's par for the course.
I don't drink and drive ever. I'm very against it. That's got me cycling a lot, which I already did for fun before this got so bad. I **** like, 5 times every morning, and it's always diarrhea. So I'm kind of like a bulimic. I'm in really good shape. I try to eat as healthy as possible. It's weird how positive side effects can make you delusional enough to not apparently be 100% aware you're killing yourself with poison.
I really need to go to rehab. I've been through all of the stuff before. Being sober. Meetings. Talking. A ton about god, which instantly makes my brain want to shut off. I believe we all are one entity. That's it. I think it's beautiful. When I hear some half-drunk lying man drivel on about his children and god I lose my ****.
I'm sort of at a crossroads. I lose my entire life, or I get healthy/miserable. It doesn't help that my idols are Hunter S., Dante, Diogenes, and Tyler Durden. I feel like I'm built to spill.
Anyone else used to be 26? Got any words or wisdom? If I hear "Sorry you're going through a rough time. I'll send you good wishes," I'm just going to be more frustrated. I need a scientific, logistical way to deal with this problem. I'm afraid I'm going to be a stubborn ******* until I sell my soul to the void.
I wake up this morning. So used to having alcohol in my system, I'm not hungover yet. I don't get drunk anymore. I can drink enough to knock out everyone I was around last night combined, and feel nothing.
I feel like I'm in a weird predicament because I'm young, still. My 16 circles of friends around this area all smoke weed and drink. I go hiking, camping, and kayaking all the time and it's par for the course.
I don't drink and drive ever. I'm very against it. That's got me cycling a lot, which I already did for fun before this got so bad. I **** like, 5 times every morning, and it's always diarrhea. So I'm kind of like a bulimic. I'm in really good shape. I try to eat as healthy as possible. It's weird how positive side effects can make you delusional enough to not apparently be 100% aware you're killing yourself with poison.
I really need to go to rehab. I've been through all of the stuff before. Being sober. Meetings. Talking. A ton about god, which instantly makes my brain want to shut off. I believe we all are one entity. That's it. I think it's beautiful. When I hear some half-drunk lying man drivel on about his children and god I lose my ****.
I'm sort of at a crossroads. I lose my entire life, or I get healthy/miserable. It doesn't help that my idols are Hunter S., Dante, Diogenes, and Tyler Durden. I feel like I'm built to spill.
Anyone else used to be 26? Got any words or wisdom? If I hear "Sorry you're going through a rough time. I'll send you good wishes," I'm just going to be more frustrated. I need a scientific, logistical way to deal with this problem. I'm afraid I'm going to be a stubborn ******* until I sell my soul to the void.
While I certainly have not achieved sobriety now, I have more resolve than ever. I have also found that I enjoy some of my favorite hobbies alot more in a sober state of mind. Even while drinking to excess on a daily basis I started leaving it at home, mostly out of fear of DUI. I was amazed that I had just as much fun without being hammered.
I'm sure you alos feel peer pressure from you friends. With most people, as they age this subsides. As people age they are more empathetic to others plight in life, as well as their wishes.
In short, there's no reason for you to loose or change the things that bring you happiness in life. However, you may need to be a bit more picky when it comes to choosing your friends.
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