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I drank!!!

Old 10-01-2017, 02:38 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Anarock View Post
You guys make it sound easy "don't drink".
So I counted what I drank and it was 12 drinks over the span of about 7 hours.
I was never out of control, or sick, or anything bad.
For me that's a win I guess. I used to just drink and never stop. I would have kept drinking until 3am and not stop early.
Now I am ready to be sober again.
There were plenty of times when I drank that nothing bad happened. But it seems like every time something bad did happen I was drinking. For me drinking was like playing Russian roulette. I knew that bad things were going to happen (based on my history), I just didn't know which time I drank it was going to happen. The only solution to my dilemma was to never drink again.

And no it was not easy to just not drink...simple but not easy. That's where finding a program of recovery you can get on board with is key.
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Old 10-01-2017, 04:01 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by fini View Post
Anarock,
what you're saying there is this:
i chose this,
i was never out of control,
never anything bad,
that's a win,
now i'm ready to be sober again.

okay. with this kind of "win" in your pocket, why be sober? do you see? if you're freely choosing, and in control, and nothing bad happens and you get neither drunk nor sick....then why would you actually get sober? or want to get and stay sober?

possibly there is more to the story?
I have been going to AA, and reading the literature, and seeing a counsellor. I've been doing really well and yesterday was Saturday. I didn't work Sunday and wanted to drink. Maybe 12 was too many but it was over a long period of time and I had fun.
However, I wasn't always doing good. I would drink a couple times a month, but it was turning into 2-3 day binges and a few bottles of vodka over a couple of days.

For me to only drink once in 1.5 months and be able to stop, is a miracle.
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Old 10-01-2017, 05:03 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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The greatest bait on the hook my addiction could give me was a time when I'd drink...and nothing bad happened.

I drank, didn't go too overboard, nothing embarrassing happened - thats a win right?

Maybe I could even make this the new normal?

The trouble was I'd drink again...and again...and again...and sooner or later I was back in the dark hole where I couldn't stop drinking and my drinking was killing me.

D
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Old 10-01-2017, 06:43 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Anarock View Post
Maybe 12 was too many but it was over a long period of time and I had fun.
Let me get this straight .... so you have 12 drinks, then come post about it in a forum called ALCOHOLISM, and you call that "fun"?

I would call it "sick," or a "cry for help" or maybe, "twisted."

You do realize there are people here who really want to get or stay sober, right? That they are desperate to not take a drink. That their next drink could kill them.

I'm calling BS on it being "fun." If it were so much fun you would have never came to this forum because you wouldn't be drunk and alone and staring at a damn computer screen.
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Old 10-01-2017, 06:54 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Here's Me:

Sober for a stretch, then out of the blue, have a glass of wine or two with dinner. That's not so bad.

Next day--I will get just one regular size bottle on my way home. I don't have to drink it all. I probably won't even open it.

Next day---see, there's still wine in the bottle! That evening-I have to get groceries-I will grab another bottle-seems this is okay. I don't feel bad at all. I can do this! Plus, it will give me a white wine buzz so I will have energy to organize the study!

Next Day-Drank the leftovers and the whole new bottle.

Next Day--Grab the BIG wine bottle (or two of the smalls.....) repeat for a month with a couple days every now and then of nothing. After 30 days, sluggish, dull eyes and skin, blood sugar all over the place, the wine tastes like watered down vinegar, doesn't do much of anything but give me a "come-down" like depression. Completely out of touch with my spiritual side and well being. Going down fast. Cancelling plans, saying things I don't mean....shame.

Next Day: Decision- Abstain. Get Sober. DON'T REPEAT. GET A PLAN NOW.


Upcoming days/weeks/months......CONTENTMENT like a warm blanket , endorphins from head to toe, RADIANCE...and so much more. No anxiety. Living n the moment Grateful--more than I ever thought possible.

(Don't wait for cirrhosis, DUI, esophageal varices, depression, isolation from friends and family--get off the elevator on THIS floor while you still can....lest you go straight to the basement. Once the doors open, it's very hard to go back up. For some, it's impossible....wet brain shows up)

Last edited by WritingFromLife; 10-01-2017 at 07:00 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 10-01-2017, 07:29 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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ah well, maybe it was just a few too many, but you had fun and all was well.

okay.

that was exactly my point. why are you here, on a recovery support site, when you're having fun and are in control and have the miracle of stopping after 12 ?
your posts do seem to beg that question.
what could we support you in doing?
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Old 10-01-2017, 07:56 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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No doubt you are playing Russian roulette. If you are an alcoholic of my type, you will never know which is the loaded drink.

I have come to think of my drinking days as the days I was working on my first step- identifying the problem. For a long time I could not see what the problem is though pretty much everyone else knew.

So I kept drinking, having spells where I seemed to have control, hints that the old happy days could still be enjoyed, but over time it got progressively worse.

All that time I could not accept that I was alcoholic and could not manage my own life, and I hung tightly to the delusion that my mounting problems would turn out to be from some other cause. Anorak, you maybe in that space now and if you are, there is probably nothing much we can say that will penetrate the alcoholic delusion.

I did what you are doing. I couldn't see the problem, I kept chasing the sense of ease and comfort, kept failing and things kept getting worse. My behaviour became more and more crazy. A few months before I quit I almost killed someone. On many occasions I almost killed myself. It is a very dangerous path.

That is what it took for me to get step one. To convince me I was alcoholic, and there was no possibility I could ever drink safely again. And still I drank and got worse until life became so unbearable I would do anything to end the misery. That's when I took the action of joining AA, my chosen solution which was step two of course.

I look back and am amazed I survived. Many of my contemporaries did not.
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Old 10-01-2017, 08:03 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Anarock View Post
You guys make it sound easy "don't drink".
So I counted what I drank and it was 12 drinks over the span of about 7 hours.
I was never out of control, or sick, or anything bad.
For me that's a win I guess. I used to just drink and never stop. I would have kept drinking until 3am and not stop early.
Now I am ready to be sober again.
It is simple, but not easy in the beginnning. Truly, all we have to do is not drink for the next hour, and then the one after that...

I found changing my routines to be an important part of my recovery, I built in new healthier ways to work off stress, and to spend the time I previously spent drinking.

You can do this, make today your day one. Check in with us on the 24 hour thread, and also think about joining the October 2017 class.
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Old 10-02-2017, 01:44 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ChloeRose63 View Post
I am 30 hours into my sobriety. So darn tired and anxious. I think I slept for 2 hours last night. Counting the hours til I feel better. I really drank way to much. 3 18 packs in 3 days of beer. I can't remember much of those days all I remember was constantly drinking all day and into the early morning. I think I might of passed out in bed but really never got a good nights sleep. I can't wait to be able to function again.
This behavior has got to stop. Why do I think drinking is a solution? I need to have a better plan for when my AV demands a beer. I had no control and spent money I don't have on alcohol. Trying not to get depressed but, I really hate what I have done to myself. My head is a mess.
I hope you're feeling better. I really appreciate your post. I know the feeling your talking about all too well. The fatigue and anxiety can seem overwhelming. Try to remember that the anxiety you are feeling is probably not reality. Your body is exhausted and the alcohol withdrawal causes chemical reactions that induce those feelings. They will pass if you don't drink. God bless.
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Old 10-02-2017, 06:01 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ChloeRose63 View Post
Ya. I have tried to remember how sick I get when I drink.
No, you just have to remember you've quit.
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Old 10-02-2017, 06:46 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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This is bad (( You have to hold on. If it's difficult, you need to ask for help.
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Old 10-03-2017, 05:47 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Reminds me of an AA story. Here's what an old timer told a guy who kept showing up for meetings drunk.

Keep coming back. Seeing you drunk helps us remember what we were like and when you are ready to get sober we will be here to help you.

So if someone shows up here after 12 beers all I can do is agree with the old timer. I need to hear from you.

Oh I never met the old timer I mentioned above. But I did meet the guy who kept showing up drunk. His name was Tom and he led the first meeting I attended back in November 2015. He's got 7 years and a really strong recovery message.
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Old 10-04-2017, 02:50 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by WritingFromLife View Post
Here's Me:

Sober for a stretch, then out of the blue, have a glass of wine or two with dinner. That's not so bad.

Next day--I will get just one regular size bottle on my way home. I don't have to drink it all. I probably won't even open it.

Next day---see, there's still wine in the bottle! That evening-I have to get groceries-I will grab another bottle-seems this is okay. I don't feel bad at all. I can do this! Plus, it will give me a white wine buzz so I will have energy to organize the study!

Next Day-Drank the leftovers and the whole new bottle.

Next Day--Grab the BIG wine bottle (or two of the smalls.....) repeat for a month with a couple days every now and then of nothing. After 30 days, sluggish, dull eyes and skin, blood sugar all over the place, the wine tastes like watered down vinegar, doesn't do much of anything but give me a "come-down" like depression. Completely out of touch with my spiritual side and well being. Going down fast. Cancelling plans, saying things I don't mean....shame.

Next Day: Decision- Abstain. Get Sober. DON'T REPEAT. GET A PLAN NOW.


Upcoming days/weeks/months......CONTENTMENT like a warm blanket , endorphins from head to toe, RADIANCE...and so much more. No anxiety. Living n the moment Grateful--more than I ever thought possible.

(Don't wait for cirrhosis, DUI, esophageal varices, depression, isolation from friends and family--get off the elevator on THIS floor while you still can....lest you go straight to the basement. Once the doors open, it's very hard to go back up. For some, it's impossible....wet brain shows up)
Brilliant post
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Old 10-04-2017, 03:24 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Anarock View Post
Now I am ready to be sober again.
That is a great starting point.
Good luck,
M-Bob
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Old 10-12-2017, 03:47 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by WritingFromLife View Post
Here's Me:

Sober for a stretch, then out of the blue, have a glass of wine or two with dinner. That's not so bad.

Next day--I will get just one regular size bottle on my way home. I don't have to drink it all. I probably won't even open it.

Next day---see, there's still wine in the bottle! That evening-I have to get groceries-I will grab another bottle-seems this is okay. I don't feel bad at all. I can do this! Plus, it will give me a white wine buzz so I will have energy to organize the study!

Next Day-Drank the leftovers and the whole new bottle.

Next Day--Grab the BIG wine bottle (or two of the smalls.....) repeat for a month with a couple days every now and then of nothing. After 30 days, sluggish, dull eyes and skin, blood sugar all over the place, the wine tastes like watered down vinegar, doesn't do much of anything but give me a "come-down" like depression. Completely out of touch with my spiritual side and well being. Going down fast. Cancelling plans, saying things I don't mean....shame.

Next Day: Decision- Abstain. Get Sober. DON'T REPEAT. GET A PLAN NOW.


Upcoming days/weeks/months......CONTENTMENT like a warm blanket , endorphins from head to toe, RADIANCE...and so much more. No anxiety. Living n the moment Grateful--more than I ever thought possible.

(Don't wait for cirrhosis, DUI, esophageal varices, depression, isolation from friends and family--get off the elevator on THIS floor while you still can....lest you go straight to the basement. Once the doors open, it's very hard to go back up. For some, it's impossible....wet brain shows up)
Wow. Thank you. This is just exactly it.
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Old 10-12-2017, 04:27 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Anarock View Post
I guess the sad thing is that I'm not drunk lol.
I don't think you really do you want more or you wouldn't be on this website right now. Forgive yourself and start again tomorrow.
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Old 10-13-2017, 10:17 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by AAPJ View Post
Reminds me of an AA story. Here's what an old timer told a guy who kept showing up for meetings drunk.

Keep coming back. Seeing you drunk helps us remember what we were like and when you are ready to get sober we will be here to help you.

So if someone shows up here after 12 beers all I can do is agree with the old timer. I need to hear from you.

Oh I never met the old timer I mentioned above. But I did meet the guy who kept showing up drunk. His name was Tom and he led the first meeting I attended back in November 2015. He's got 7 years and a really strong recovery message.
Just a little add on to my story above. I was at an AA step meeting last night and Tom picked up his 7 year chip! I knew his approximate sobriety time but seeing him pick up his 7 year chip was very nice.
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Old 10-13-2017, 04:57 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Anarock View Post
I guess the sad thing is that I'm not drunk lol.
Why would that be considered funny on an alcoholism website?
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Old 10-28-2018, 04:43 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by AAPJ View Post
Just a little add on to my story above. I was at an AA step meeting last night and Tom picked up his 7 year chip! I knew his approximate sobriety time but seeing him pick up his 7 year chip was very nice.
And another follow on to this now old thread. I recently saw Tom pick up his 8 year chip!

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