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Can't go to my favorite AA cause of 2 people I hate

Old 09-22-2017, 07:13 PM
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Can't go to my favorite AA cause of 2 people I hate

Long story short this opiate addict couple know I have money and manipulated me out of alot of it.

I was starting to slip and they would invite me over and just happen to have my favorite wine. Then when my guard would go down I would get hit with we need a $100 we can get some suboxone enough to get through it.... Our rent we will be thrown out soon help They take my 100 leave me there with the wine and stop answering phone. They went and got real high with my $100

I am older don't have kids and I guess somehow I wanted and liked teaching them things like how to fix car with simple problem like bad alternator , skip the $400 repair and tow truck , watch this is how you do it. 3 bolts take to get rebiult $110 problem solved.

"Kids" late 20s to old to be my kids but get the idea.

They took advantage of me bad and I really want to kick that "kids" ass. Little loans added up big , I helped them so much.

Enabler sucker Me

I would love to sucker punch that 29 year old kid as hard as I possibly can right in the middle of his face.

But they are the popular and attracive couple at that meeting , attractiveness , superficial charm I cant compete with that.

I tryed to start "fight" serous converation with him about loan repayment and she gets in my face immediately , pushes me I and I was backed right out the door.

Further detail not needed. Exept maybe I was agressive, but if many of you got played that bad, in the end I called them in my head the toxic stalkers. The phone that name.

Hi, Where are you and what are you doingtoday... Thanks for being honest know I have all the information we need to manipulate and guilt trip if you won't 'help' us.


I know go to different meeting but it just sucks they played me so bad have so many people fooled up there but AA supposed to be support group not this kind of thing.


I am so kind and helpful to people, like I know mechanics see person with hood up I take a shot at solving it expecting nothing except maybe I a thanks and feeling good I figured out the no start and a pride boost.

But instead of meeting I got beer again, cause now I hate those 2 manipulating sacks of crap and can't be around them.

That extra kind helpful part of me seems to have an opposite when I take a hating to people.
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Old 09-22-2017, 07:34 PM
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Sounds like you'll have to let the one go - an expensive lesson but a good one nonetheless?

Maybe you could go to other meetings?

Wanting to punch someone in the face is really something you need to get a handle on- resentment is something we alcoholics really can't dabble in.

As crappy as they might be, they didn't make you drink - your anger resentment and inability to deal with this is a healthy way is whats bought you to drinking - I should knwo I did it often enough.

you can find sobriety and better ways to deal, I promise. Why not pour the rest of the beer out now?

D
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Old 09-22-2017, 09:28 PM
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Setting boundaries in aa can be useful.

What I've learned are those who use others in the program to their advantage inevitably get found out.

Whether it's 13th stepping or ripping people off the word usually gets around.
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Old 09-23-2017, 03:45 AM
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I agree with Ken - you're likely not the first or last person they've manipulated, and they'll get found out eventually.

But don't let them be the "reason" you continue to drink. There are other meetings. Or go to your favourite meeting and pay them no mind.

Bottom line is that you can't let them rent so much space in your head that it interferes with your recovery. Chalk it up to a lesson learned - there are awful people out there in the world, who prey on people's good nature. You have no control over that, other than how you deal with it moving forward.
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Old 09-23-2017, 05:05 AM
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Yes, stick around the rooms long enough and you're bound to experience or hear about dodgy members.

It comes with the territory. The rooms aren't always a bastion of mental health or honest behavior.
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Old 09-23-2017, 06:53 AM
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Originally Posted by beeronlysure View Post



I know go to different meeting but it just sucks they played me so bad have so many people fooled up there but AA supposed to be support group not this kind of thing.
theres a saying i heard in AA
youre eyes may sparkle and your teeth may glitter
but ya cant ******** and old bullshitter.

theres less fools then ya think at them meetings.

yes AA is for support.
HOWEVER
how did everyone that has RECOVERED start out? they didnt magically,mystically walk in the second day and were healthy specimens of AA.

one of the hardest things for me to accept is that it was myself that allowed me to be manipulated and used. no one manipulated me and used me unless i allowed it.
once i accepted that, i was able to get into the solution as to WHY i allowed it.
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Old 09-23-2017, 07:21 AM
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Yeah, I think I learned that lesson when I was about 19. I don't give money to anyone unless I can afford it and don't expect to ever see it again. It's always a gift, never a loan - even if they say it's a loan. Saves me getting resentful over it. If I get the money back - Bonus!

Lots of people are down on their luck - mostly due to their own bad choices, and there are a large number of them who show up to AA meetings.

Lesson learned, eh? You won't do that again, right?

I agree that your anger could cause you problems. Hitting someone is never okay, unless you feel your life is being threatened and they've physically attacked you first. Anger and resentment over something you allowed to happen is not a reason.

I guess you can see where making friends over wine is a bad idea too, huh? I made a lot of bad decisions under the influence. Since I've quit drinking I haven't made any that require getting even.
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Old 09-23-2017, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by beeronlysure View Post
Long story short this opiate addict couple know I have money and manipulated me out of alot of it.
I am sorry that happened to you. One key thing I learned in AA is to let go of the resentment, pray for those who are spiritually sick (like this couple), and forgive. Why? So I won't drink again. Alcohol wasn't my problem. It was my solution to my problem of resentment and anger. Especially what I viewed as justified resentment and anger.

I was starting to slip and they would invite me over and just happen to have my favorite wine. Then when my guard would go down I would get hit with we need a $100 we can get some suboxone enough to get through it.... Our rent we will be thrown out soon help They take my 100 leave me there with the wine and stop answering phone. They went and got real high with my $100
It sucks in hindsight to see the manipulation as it occurred. Key thing to do now is to let it go, stop thinking about it, and learn the lesson. Be on guard if something doesn't feel right about people in the future. Set boundaries.

I am older don't have kids and I guess somehow I wanted and liked teaching them things like how to fix car with simple problem like bad alternator , skip the $400 repair and tow truck , watch this is how you do it. 3 bolts take to get rebiult $110 problem solved.
With the right people, this is a blessing.

They took advantage of me bad and I really want to kick that "kids" ass. Little loans added up big , I helped them so much.
Physical violence is not a healthy response to being taken advantage of. Learn the lesson, let it go, forgive them in your heart, pray the sick man's prayer, etc. Yeah it's probably the last thing you want to do but trust me it works if you do it.

Enabler sucker Me
Quit calling yourself self-pitying labels. That kind of talk is only going to lead to a relapse. Brush yourself off, hold your head up high, realize this couple is sick, and move on.
I would love to sucker punch that 29 year old kid as hard as I possibly can right in the middle of his face.
Do you really think physical violence is the answer?

But they are the popular and attracive couple at that meeting , attractiveness , superficial charm I cant compete with that.
I've known someone like this at my favorite AA meeting. Fortunately like Tomsteve wrote, the oldtimers (or some newbies) can see right through this and smell bullsh*t pretty fast. Follow your gut next time.

I tryed to start "fight" serous converation with him about loan repayment and she gets in my face immediately , pushes me I and I was backed right out the door.

Further detail not needed. Exept maybe I was agressive, but if many of you got played that bad, in the end I called them in my head the toxic stalkers. The phone that name.

Hi, Where are you and what are you doingtoday... Thanks for being honest know I have all the information we need to manipulate and guilt trip if you won't 'help' us.
You need to just do the next right thing. Stop thinking about them and try a new meeting. Maybe you'll be surprised and that meeting will be your new favorite one.

I know go to different meeting but it just sucks they played me so bad have so many people fooled up there but AA supposed to be support group not this kind of thing.
Stop staying it sucks. Let it go. Unfortunately there are sick people everywhere and the meetings are full of sick people trying to get well, but also sick people looking for victims.
I am so kind and helpful to people, like I know mechanics see person with hood up I take a shot at solving it expecting nothing except maybe I a thanks and feeling good I figured out the no start and a pride boost.
You will learn through experience and lessons who to be kind and helpful to, and who to keep walking from. Expectations by the way are resentments waiting to happen. Help and be kind because you want to, not because you want others to think you are a helpful and kind person, or because you expect people to act the way you would act in return.
But instead of meeting I got beer again, cause now I hate those 2 manipulating sacks of crap and can't be around them.
This is the crux of alcoholism. Be aware of it, and don't let it happen next time. Learn the lesson and move on. Was it really worth losing your sobriety over spiritually sick people? Don't let them win.

That extra kind helpful part of me seems to have an opposite when I take a hating to people.
Not uncommon for us alcoholics. Have you written a 4th step? This sort of thing becomes much more clear during step 4 and 5.
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Old 09-23-2017, 09:06 AM
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I'm going to throw on my Buddhist hat for a second.

I once read a section of one of the Dalai Lama's book that really resonated with me. One of the central tenets of most Buddhist practices is to practice compassion and understanding with all sentient beings. He spoke about practicing compassion with your friends and loved ones....easy. It becomes less so with people who annoy us, and much more difficult towards people who've really done us harm. His example was learning to practice compassion towards those in the Chinese government who destroyed his country and the Buddhist tradition in Tibet and sent him into exile. He doesn't do this anywhere near perfectly, but sees those that harm us as a blessing, as it gives us the opportunity to practice having compassion in a difficult situation.

And what does this sound like? Progress not perfection? Dealing with resentments in the 4th step? A program of action?

In practice, do what you need to deal with this couple. Attending another meeting and avoiding them is one strategy, and may be best for you at this stage. Resentments increase with contact. The second is to continue to go to the meeting, but keep interaction to a minimum, and as said above, let others find them out. Try to be compassionate towards them instead of resentful....this is very easy to say but VERY difficult to do, but nobody expects you to be perfect. Imagine how barren their lives are, how much of their behavior was fueled by addiction, and how nasty and lonely and isolating it is to rely on scamming people, and have gratitude that you don't have to live this way.

Resentments just keep drawing you into harmful behaviors and patterns. Don't worry about getting even, or compensation, and you might find your resentment decreasing. Definitely you have something you know you need to deal with in Step 4!
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Old 09-24-2017, 05:37 PM
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I go to an AA meeting where this guy sometimes bugs me for a hand out. I gave him a few dollars the first time; the next time I told him I only had a credit card so he asked if I would go to the store with him so I could buy him food. I did and I spent about $10.

The guy is in his 50's and rides a bicycle and I know he is down and out - I don't mind buying food for him but I don't like to give cash cause I never know what he will spend it on.

Now that he knows I am an easy touch he will probably keep asking me for stuff.
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Old 09-25-2017, 09:05 AM
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Sounds tricky that's for sure.

One thing I have definitely learnt is I HAVE to deal with resentments that specifically get in the way of my recovery...for example people that might stop me going to or make me avoid a meeting that I need to attend.

If there are other meetings you can attend...attend them. If not...maybe this can be a great recovery lesson for you, learning to face the problems in your life squarely where the alternative might be a relapse into drinking.

How could you attend that meeting without taking on more resentment or creating a worse situation?

P
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Old 09-25-2017, 12:45 PM
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I learned to be very selective with people I associated with. AA isn't a hotbed of mental health but there are plenty of recovering folks who are honest and tell the truth. Popularity isn't a reason to be with anyone. Big hug!
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