ukiah77

Good to hear from you, glad he quit drinking, but the NA beer thing is a scary trade for sure. It's like smoking fake cigarettes, or snorting lines of flour, like someone said earlier. Why? Why keep the habit alive? It kind of shows you still can't give it up. You still need some version of it. I want to tell him to stop NA beer and work towards getting his mind healthy, having a new outlook on life, and learn how to live without drinking. But that is pointless because all I have control over is me and my kids well being, if he wants to drink NA beer, he's going to. Maybe he'll learn for himself that it's not satisfying and stop, or maybe he'll eventually trade it in for real beer like someone else said. Either way, I feel helpless with the outcome. And yes, of course the sound of the can popping makes my skin crawl. But he's nicer, and more normal and responsible, I have refrained from lecturing or constantly voicing my concerns. Someone told me in another thread that I should just leave him alone for awhile to deal with his own issues, let him figure it out. I could drive myself crazy trying to "help," especially when my efforts fail. There is so much I want to say to him but I feel like I shouldn't, at least not right now. I'm not sure if that's the best way to approach it, but that's just what I am doing for the time being.

Computer

Thank you for the follow up. My AH has been drinking the Non a beer for three weeks now. He has had real beer in between (total of a case) while not with me.
I can see that he is on his best behavior as his ex wife has moved with his 2 daughters 5.5 hours away and I am the only on left. He blamed his horrible treatment of me on his stress from the kids getting ready to leave and the court fight that is still going on about it. He was up to 24 cans a day while on vacation for 2 weeks and that is when the crappy treatment started. He was even cruel to his daughters then.

I wish I had some advice for you but I have cycled back and forth with him over 4 years. At one point I thought the stepkids were the problem but once they left I was able to see it was my discontent with him. I have voiced my concern over the Non AB being a place holder for him. On the other hand I wonder if it like the Vape replacement cigarettes I see all over.

My true fear is once we start going every weekend to the ski resort where it is a Drinking Town with a Skiing Problem (bars everywhere) and all his friends are alcoholics - no lie. I don't want to be around that environment especially if I am in AA and Al-Anon. It almost seems like we will never make it unless a huge live change happens. This would mean changing friends and places he goes. I don't see that happening ever.

For those who are interested in what happened it is detailed here on another forum in which I found much support:

Oops. . I have to have 15 posts to enter the link.

IFheweresaught

I left the culture of drinking as well as drinking. Drinking NA beer with the gang is steeling a little vicarious pleasure. I'm sorry but he's not done drinking yet. And you won't need to nag him, he's going to wake up the monster on his own.

azwakeupcall

Here are some thoughts, in no particular order...
There is still alcohol in NA beer (about .5%). So, it's actually more than just going through the motions just to fit in... there is actually a small amount of "medicine" being delivered into his system, which however small, still keeps the addiction going. Bear in mind, these new diet beers on the market (bud select 55, miller64) are also very low in alcohol content, but they are still beer.

As alcoholism is a slippery slope, as in one does not just wake up one day and begin drinking a gallon of vodka a day, nor does one go from that amount of consumption to suddenly a teetotaler.... it's a flowing live wire from complete sobriety to total drunk. Many have "weened" off drinking, and in so doing they went to lite beers and then NA beers and hopefully eventually to totally quitting... others were not so lucky. They weened for a while and then it crept back up. In problem drinkers, it almost always creeps back up by definition of a problem drinker.

When an alcoholic cuts back, or tries to get clean, things will seem to be much improved, and they are, for a while. To an addict, this is actually a recovery project. Not recovery from addiction, but a recovery of all the things they recently lost or are about to lose. They fool themselves into thinking this will convince everyone into thinking they have made a remarkable change, or even that they never had a real problem to begin with. What ultimately happens though is that once everything goes back to normal for them, and the negatives are gone, the urge to resume heavy drinking comes back full force.

Assuming the absolute best case scenario here, in that he is able to stick to this regime for the rest of his life, consider this. Getting a taste of alcohol, no matter how small (even from mouthwash) for an alcoholic is like dangling a toxic carrot in front of his face. Daily. The struggle to remain sober and not slip off that wagon would be like torture. Constantly counting drinks, adding booze percentages with ounces consumed, pacing oneself, ordering everything in life around possibly taking a drink or not... it's no way to live. Complete sobriety eliminates that drug from your system so you do not have to constantly think about it.

Maybe the best approach is to let him do this thing and let it take its course. And if and when he slips, you make it clear that total sobriety is the only answer for you. That way, he can't tell you that you didn't let him try his method. He will know deep down the answer to the problem, as he let it reveal itself.

tnman1967

I have some input on this. I have four years plus sober. I quit many times over the years and managed one full year in 1996. I was abusing alcohol for more than three decades. I did not use any program this last time besides coming on this forum. What's different this time is that I took a mental inventory and came to the conclusion that I do not want to live this way anymore and I want sobriety for me not for anyone else. From what you are saying it looks like your husband is a lot like me when it comes to drinking. If he is honest and genuine he doesn't need a formal program. However, he does need a plan or program which he has designed and it need to be complete absence from alcohol. I drank some NA beers in the beginning until I found out that it was completely unnecessarily to do. It was just a waste of money and unhealthy. Not necessarily because of the resemblance to the real thing but the amount of sugar and empty calories it contains. Only time will tell if your husband is honest and really want to do this. I would give him a chance and see how it goes. If he is genuine and really wants this, I want to bet that he will soon put the useless NA stuff down.

tnman1967

I understand your worry about the lack of a formal program. It can be just what you described. doing something else besides hanging with the beer crowd. The main thing I did with my sobriety was to do a mental inventory and to run through all the reasons why I don't wan to drink. That's a program of sorts. Don't get hung up on a formal rehab or 12 step program. Everyone is different. There are many ways to achieve sobriety. All of them though, have one thing in common. Don't take that first drink and make sure that you do this for you not someone else and be honest about wanting to not drink. If you lie to yourself it won't be a success.

Ken33xx

Like many have stated probably not a good idea. But he has to see it. Nobody could tell me anything and if the RA thinks it`s not a problem it`s not a problem.

A couple of years back I attended an NA meeting where a woman with 10 years clean and sober shared that she had a couple of drinks over the weekend and smoked a joint.

She said meth was her problem/downfall. Not booze and pot so she wasn't going to change her sobriety date.

O.k. her call.

Stronger2017

This time getting sober I'm not going to drink NA beer. For me, it's drinking behavior and best avoided. Really useful thread this. Thanks.

shortstop81

Back in early sobriety I drank some NA beer over a family Thanksgiving trip, just to feel somewhat "normal". I was so worried about relapsing in that environment, that I figured it was the lesser of two evils. And thankfully, I stuck to the NA beer and nothing more.

But over time, I found that I just didn't want the NA beer. It honestly tasted like crap, and it didn't get my drunk, so what was the point? At this point I much prefer Perrier, or occasionally a fancy soft drink.

Now I'd worry that continuing to drink NA beer I'd eventually crave the 'real' thing. Otherwise, it's just empty calories that will make me long for more.

paulokes

Very nicely put...the *culture* of drinking and the *mindset* of alcoholism.

So many folks might want to quit drink...or dump the consequences of alcoholic drinking...but aren't prepared to admit there are deeper issues which may need addressing or putting down.

Anyone who can quit drinking and live the same life they used to...my hat is genuinely off to them. Bit a life revolving around booze...just without the physical booze...how sustainable is that?

P

zjw

i one time theorized that i like smoking cigarettes more then i liked nicotine so i got a pack of nicotine free smokes to prove this. I smoked the whole pack in like an hour and was pissed off and went and got a pack of the real deal.

now when i quit drinking I thought about the whole NA beer thing but was too scared it would be a trigger. I also rememberd my above expierence with nicotine free cigarettes and realized i was addicted to alcohol not beer.

fast forward to now. I think i'm strong enough in my sobreity that i could proabbly drink NA beer without concern. But I gotta wonder would i even like the taste at this point. and really whats the point even. So I just havent bothered. Maybe one day if offered i'll give it a whirl i have a feeling i'll be grossed out by the taste. I tried it once back when i drank and it wasnt the greatest stuff anyhow but then maybe i was just ticked off it didnt have alcohol i dunno.

feldknocker

For me, NA beer used to be a go to thing when I was trying to get sober. I thought it tasted horrible and all it did was put me in the mood for the real stuff. Too tempting for me.

Hats

I've tried the NA beer experiment and I failed miserably. To me it's like poking the tiger..... I drank alcohol simply because I loved the effect it produced. NA beer won't do that for me. Some people can do it and for others (especially in early recovery) it can be a trigger and in my case it's not recommended.
NA beer has come up in AA meetings a number of times and it seems the general consensus is to stay away from it. Just my thoughts...

Caldus

It's like playing with fire. Why do it? Why not just drink beer if that's what you want to do? There is just no upside to this and nothing but risky.

SlowMeDown

I have been sober for 1.7 years. I drink an NA beer occasionally. The thing is, NA is not really satisfying. Initially, I used it to get that beer taste not feeling. But after a while it is just too filling and does not replace beer. I still buy them but never crave them. They just sit there. Even when I feel like a "beer" it's two sips and yuck. The danger is that that he replaces it with real beer OR the "yuck" sets in and the craving goes away. Have him try different drinks. Like cranberry and soda water with lime, arnold palmers, soda water splash of oj and sprite.

BTW, it's not nagging it's being a concerned partner. Good Luck!

MindfulMan

We talked about this in my recovery group, and in general that different people have different trigger points. Most people in the group cannot have wine or alcohol in any amount in food. I still occasionally cook with wine in certain favorite recipes that demand it, like French coq au vin, but I do it rarely and make sure that any leftover wine gets given away or poured.

However, I absolutely do not trust myself with NA beer, that to me is playing with fire. Plus it isn't that good, so it really doesn't satisfy any craving and could very well lead to real beer, then wine, then vodka....we all know the tape.

That's just my experience, some may be able to handle it. I worry about any alcoholic who drinks NA beer as a replacement for the times when they used to drink real beer and/or other alcoholic beverages. THAT to me is an even greater trigger than the taste of the NA beer itself.

SoberCAH

No N.A. beer for me.

I'm not putting the barrel of that gun into my mouth.

Smarie78

I can't speak for others, but my qualifier's earliest sign of his first major relapse included the time he brought home NA beer. And he didn't just have one, but several. It felt like I was watching him try and quench that longing for alcohol by trying to trick his brain that he was drinking but wouldn't have the consequences. The thing is, to me this felt no different than his habits of downing gallons of soda or smoking tons of cigarettes, or drinking bottomless cups of coffee. He was always chasing that high by attaching himself to the same alcoholic behaviors and stopping just shy of the actual booze, until he didn't.

I think that for someone in recovery, in true recovery, avoiding NA beer and other fakes out there, even going to the bars, especially if he is in early stages, will have a better chance at recovery. The fake beer and bars mimic for him the comforts of drinking. It's a way to romanticize the past. From what I saw with qualifier, it can only go so long before the brain is triggered into wanting to get his hands on the eventual real stuff. Now I am not saying he should avoid ciggs and soda and coffee in excess as well, though that would be best if he is someone who gorges on those things too, but I definitely saw my qualifier amp up the intake on those stimulants as he white knuckled through sobriety. If you ask me NA beer and other stimulants mentioned, just mask that void they are constantly chasing to fill rather than treating the void itself.

FoleyUK

I don't like NA beer and seen as I don't want to get drunk I don't see the point in it. I've basically gone to a complete water/coffee drinking diet. I struggle drinking soda these days. I can have a can here or there, but more than one makes me feel weird. I find it funny that the healthier I'm getting, the less stuff I can consume.

Zebra1275

Is drinking NA beer ok?

No