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Facebook feels like another addiction

Old 09-19-2017, 10:00 AM
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Unhappy Facebook feels like another addiction

This week I'm supposed to be timing myself to see how long I spend on facebook. And then I'm supposed to set a limit. I couldn't get the words out to explain to my therapist that it feels like every free moment I have, I am on my cell phone--usually facebook. There's no way to actually time it.

It feels like a transfer of addiction. I hate what it does to me, yet I can't stop picking up my phone to check facebook. I'm an empath, and so facebook really brings me down and makes me feel miserable. So why do I still go on it?

I just scroll, scroll, scroll and either I get depressed from looking at all the people having a life, or I get depressed from really sad stories about people or animals or something.

It's eating away at my soul and is harming my recovery yet I can't stop.

Finally this morning I "unfollowed" a lot of people and pages, but now I am afraid I'll hurt their feelings when I won't know about something that happened and they'll say "didn't you read it on facebook?"

I also get sensitive and hurt if I see that a bunch of friends went out and I wasn't invited. I've actually unfriended people after times like that. I know that's really immature to do, but I was really hurt and I didn't want to get hurt again. I don't think facebook is good for us sensitive types.

I can't believe I'm writing this. I should be way past this kind of thing by now. I know I am a good sponsor and sharer and carry a solid message of recovery--yet how can I have this problem, too?

As much as I am extremely grateful for my recovery, I'm still trying to figure out how to have a social life sober. And as much as my head knows that most stuff we see on facebook is fake, I can't seem to convince my heart that. It keeps telling me I'm a loser because no one invites me anywhere, or accepts my invitations, and everyone else is enjoying life and has figured out how to have a life except me.

I don't know what to turn to, when the compulsion to turn to my cell phone/face book hits. My mind tells me it'll make me feel less lonely and more connected if I go on facebook, but it's the opposite effect I get.

And the compulsion seems to hit way too often. I can't put the phone away. And if I do, it's really hard not to think about it. I can't just BE. Even if I'm waiting on line for coffee or something, out comes my phone. In a waiting room for an appointment, out comes my phone. My husband gets up to go to the bathroom, out comes my phone. It's terrible. I'm so angry at myself. I don't want to be this way.

I want to live, but I guess I'm still just really afraid to. And I just don't understand how. I finally have the tools now to master resentments, character defects, fear, etc but I need the manual on how to actually make a life. :-(

Thanks everyone at SR for allowing me to be so honest. It's easier for me to type honestly than to verbalize it, if that makes sense. I shut down verbally way too easy because it's hard to get the words out.

I feel so sad.
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Old 09-19-2017, 10:14 AM
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I was on the bus yesterday and looked around the bus. Everyone, including me, was doing something on their phone. It seems to be a way of life now.
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Old 09-19-2017, 10:18 AM
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I think there are blocking tools you can download...so you won't be able to access FB from your phone.

I quit facebook ten years ago. The world still kept spinning.

The empath thing? There is a lot of information available online about HSP and ways to de-sensitize. I used to feel like I was too sensitive too - there is recovery available.

"God, my thoughts about this are unmanageable, I am trusting you to take this part of me and heal me."
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Old 09-19-2017, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by LeeJane View Post
I was on the bus yesterday and looked around the bus. Everyone, including me, was doing something on their phone. It seems to be a way of life now.
It's sad. No one's just reading a magazine, newspaper or book anymore. Or do I dare say, having a conversation....
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Old 09-19-2017, 10:25 AM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
I think there are blocking tools you can download...so you won't be able to access FB from your phone.
I know. I've taken facebook and messenger off of my phone dozens of times. I swear it's like alcohol all over again. >:-(

I quit facebook ten years ago. The world still kept spinning.
I probably should quit it, but then I'd have absolutely no contact with anyone. With some friends that's the only way we're in touch.

The empath thing? There is a lot of information available online about HSP and ways to de-sensitize. I used to feel like I was too sensitive too - there is recovery available.
Can you provide links/resources you know of? I'd love to read about not what it is, but ways to de-sensitize.

"God, my thoughts about this are unmanageable, I am trusting you to take this part of me and heal me."
BEAUTIFUL!!!
Of course I'm an idiot and didn't think to turn to God about something that I obviously cannot manage. Thanks for the reminder.
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Old 09-19-2017, 11:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Pathwaytofree View Post
It's sad. No one's just reading a magazine, newspaper or book anymore. Or do I dare say, having a conversation....
I feel that the saddest part is the lack of conversations.
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Old 09-19-2017, 11:32 AM
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In my opinion and experience, it's just another addiction, it's enacting the pleasure-reward-aversion circuits in a human's brain. Whether it be alcohol, drugs, social media, OCD, over-eating, gambling etc. There are slight neuro-chemical nuances, of course, for each addiction, but similar neuro-pathways are involved.

I've read that humans are hard-wired to seek instant gratification and the modern day age provides plenty of those. Sadly, our brains haven't kept pace, but there is good news. Human's have developed a powerful neo-cortex that is an effective inhibitor of the lower brain instant gratification focus. Aristotle discovered this power all those years ago, the rational brain can trounce the lower brain pleasure, avoidance, auto-pilot comforting bias.

If there is a God, and I hope there is, s/he gave us free-will, aka neo-cortex, which distinguishes us from the reptile/mammalian brain, we have triune brains, which we can apply to our advantage in times of addiction adversity.
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Old 09-19-2017, 11:50 AM
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I use to be a facebook junkie as well, but I quit doing that a little while back as it really is just people posting BS and trying to make themselves look in the best light for likes and attention.
I still stay glued to my phone like pretty much everyone else these days, but channeling that into positive and productive things like this site and others for my anxiety, cognitive games, recovery videos and podcasts,.. there are a million better options out there if it's causing you problems.
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Old 09-19-2017, 11:54 AM
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I love love love listening to AA, Al-anon, OA shares on You Tube. Very positive and inspiring.

There is good stuff out there if you are discerning.

I don't follow Face Book. Doesn't interest me.
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Old 09-19-2017, 01:05 PM
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I'm also an anti-facebooker. I had it for a while but completely deactivated my account about 5 years ago. I don't do twitter or any of the other mainstream social media apps. SR is my main online communication tool.

Not every fad is a healthy one in my opinion, and while I understand that social media CAN be used constructively, the majority if what is out there is simply a waste of time IMHO. Not to mention all the stupid/risky things I did while I was drunk online.
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Old 09-19-2017, 02:03 PM
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For those of us with addictive personalities almost anything can become an addiction. I just have to accept that and do my best one day at a time.
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Old 09-19-2017, 02:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Pathwaytofree View Post
It's sad. No one's just reading a magazine, newspaper or book anymore. Or do I dare say, having a conversation....
I'm often reading a magazine, newspaper or book, only I'm doing it on my phone.
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Old 09-19-2017, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Tatsy View Post
In my opinion and experience, it's just another addiction, it's enacting the pleasure-reward-aversion circuits in a human's brain. Whether it be alcohol, drugs, social media, OCD, over-eating, gambling etc. There are slight neuro-chemical nuances, of course, for each addiction, but similar neuro-pathways are involved.
I agree with your opinion as that's been my experience too Tatsy. I am so tired of it. I wish there was an easy way to change my neuro-pathways.

I've read that humans are hard-wired to seek instant gratification and the modern day age provides plenty of those. Sadly, our brains haven't kept pace, but there is good news. Human's have developed a powerful neo-cortex that is an effective inhibitor of the lower brain instant gratification focus. Aristotle discovered this power all those years ago, the rational brain can trounce the lower brain pleasure, avoidance, auto-pilot comforting bias.
I always joke with my husband that as a child I would have miserably failed "the marshmellow test" if you're familiar with that. So how do we work on strengthening our rational brain, and weakening the lower brain?

If there is a God, and I hope there is, s/he gave us free-will, aka neo-cortex, which distinguishes us from the reptile/mammalian brain, we have triune brains, which we can apply to our advantage in times of addiction adversity.
I've experienced God during my step work, even though I went into it not believing in it. I'm not sure I understand this paragraph, though. Can you restate it in non-scientific terms? Thanks. I do believe God gave us free will but it certainly doesn't feel like I am using free will to make a "choice" to be on social media when it makes me feel useless and miserable.
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Old 09-19-2017, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Forward12 View Post
I use to be a facebook junkie as well, but I quit doing that a little while back as it really is just people posting BS and trying to make themselves look in the best light for likes and attention.
It really has done so much harm to society. I hate it. Yet I can't convince myself that it's all fake.

I still stay glued to my phone like pretty much everyone else these days, but channeling that into positive and productive things like this site and others for my anxiety, cognitive games, recovery videos and podcasts,.. there are a million better options out there if it's causing you problems.
I completely agree there are a million better options. I love listening to recovery speakers or podcasts, yet I don't know why it doesn't hit me to do so instead of going on facebook. What is wrong with me?!
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Old 09-19-2017, 02:55 PM
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Unhappy

Originally Posted by LeeJane View Post
I love love love listening to AA, Al-anon, OA shares on You Tube. Very positive and inspiring.

There is good stuff out there if you are discerning.

I don't follow Face Book. Doesn't interest me.
Again I don't know what's wrong with me. I LOVE listening to AA speakers online. I even have favorites I like!!! Why I am wasting time on facebook instead of listening to some inspiring speakers is beyond me.
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Old 09-19-2017, 02:59 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
I'm also an anti-facebooker. I had it for a while but completely deactivated my account about 5 years ago. I don't do twitter or any of the other mainstream social media apps. SR is my main online communication tool.
I don't blame you. I deactivated my account a few years ago, but then I rejoined, thinking it's the only way to stay in touch with people.

Not every fad is a healthy one in my opinion, and while I understand that social media CAN be used constructively, the majority if what is out there is simply a waste of time IMHO. Not to mention all the stupid/risky things I did while I was drunk online.
So true, Scott. I really want to use it constructively and not the way I use it.

I worry though if I give if social media will my brain just find another thing to be addicted to. :-(
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Old 09-19-2017, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by AAPJ View Post
For those of us with addictive personalities almost anything can become an addiction. I just have to accept that and do my best one day at a time.
It's annoying and I wish it'd stop.
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Old 09-19-2017, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by andyh View Post
I'm often reading a magazine, newspaper or book, only I'm doing it on my phone.
That's a good point.
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Old 09-19-2017, 03:04 PM
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Oh yes, Pathway, as a child, I'd have failed the marshmallow test too! Instant gratification was my pathway. It's way past my bedtime, and I'm tired and wouldn't give your informed questions the credit they deserve; but I will try my best to respond tomorrow. For now, please try not to feel sad, just let those feelings rise up and then not attach to them, let them just bob along the river of thought and pass on by.
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Old 09-19-2017, 04:35 PM
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I have only three websites I use regularly...facebook, SR and BBC news.

Until last year there was another forum that I lived on but I cut that out entirely. One down...three to go

I still spend WAY too much time on the Internet

I have a tendency to look for distractions...ways of avoiding life. Some problems are worse than others but still

In the past I have enjoyed 'Media Fasts'...no Internet, TV, news or electronic entertainment...switch everything off for 3 days to a week. Incredibly difficult but pretty refreshing

P
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